Anxious feeling??

Hey guys I'm new here and was looking for some advise, I've been with my girlfriend now since last oct, we've both fallen quickly for one another and have committed to saving towards a mortgage... We both want to get married to each other and have a family....

So I guess you're thinking what the hell is his problem? I wish I knew myself, her attuide can be brash at times and she will say stuff that hurts me without her knowing it and she isn't very loving as a person, well most times she's not loving. Over the last week we've had really serious chats where she FINALLY opened up to me about her ex and why she is how she is, I don't honestly think she's happy with herself and how she portrays herself to be hard faced she can see herself doing it but can't stop herself... It's like a barrier she puts up.

But what really makes me anxious is the things she said, like how she slept around after her ex and had mad times... Then she'll say it doesn't matter it's in the past... Or how she talks to her first boyfriend every now and again, it really pi**es me off more than make me anxious and it hurts me, and it shouldn't it's her PAST mine isn't squeaky clean either.

But I guess one of the main issues to ME is that when we're apart if I don't hear from her in ages it makes me anxious, the other day she went out with her friends and didn't text me till she was eating dinner and travelled 30 miles... I'd been up since 5am working.. Nearly 12 hours without contact, sounds pathetic I know... But it makes me ill and not able to function propley at times, I've just started a new job I can't afford to not function...

I want to know where all this has come from, years ago I suffered with anxiety and depression, I vowed to never EVER go back there again and knew how to fight the triggers. Something has set this off and in our relationship because only 4 weeks ago I was perfectly fine. I think her laid back attuide got worse and she didn't seem loving at all, maybe that did it? I dunno, sorry for the huge post

Danny

Yikes, slow it down! You guys have been together for only four months and you're already thinking of buying a house together?! This relationship seems really unhealthy and you can't even go 12 hours without talking to each other? No wonder she's distancing herself, you're suffocating her.

You pointed out she still talks to her ex boyfriend....that's bad. She shouldn't be regularly talking to an ex. I would talk to her about this.

I suggest to back off on getting overly attached to this girl. Save up for a mortgage if you want for YOURSELF. Not her. Good relationships take time, this isn't starting to look like one because it's moving way too fast.

Thanks for your reply, it was her who instigated the moving out and future plans

She has baggage from her past, and you're paying the price for a crime you didn't commit. She has cheated in the past, so this is her ethics. Peoples ethics normally stay the same over a lifetime, unless that have some sort of epiphany. She speaks to her ex, which is crossing boundaries. Even though you've told her this upsets you, she doesn't care, otherwise, she'd stop.

Is this your dream girl, someone you say isn't a loving person? You are lacking in self esteem, and subconsciously think that all you deserve in life is a toxic relationship. I suggest counseling and/or reading some library books on building your self esteem. When you come to the point of feeling good about yourself, you will choose a woman is worthy of you. Loving, faithful, and makes you a priority.

Hi thanks for your reply, I'm really in bits, I'm not myself I'm so worried over her leaving me when she wants to spend her life with me. It's come on all of a sudden, I just broke down cause I miss her. I'm not that kind of guy, I like the gym and football, my mates... I feel like I can't do any of it... I don't know why. She really does love me and she doesn't know why she's been so hard faced... I think it's a barrier. I just feel at a loss and alone right now. I just want to be with her. I wish I knew what triggered this so I can fix it

What, she cheated?? - "she slept around after her ex"

AFTER her ex. She didn't cheat, unless if I'm getting the timeline wrong here.

If she's the one who mentioned all these big plans of commitment and your relationship with her isn't strong, then this should take a big step backwards. You guys are moving too fast, like I said. She's trying to slow it down by withdrawing from you, but she's making all these big plans?? Something is amiss. I would tell her to cancel your plans for the future. It does not fit at this point in your relationship. You guys have a long way to go.

And talk to her if it bothers you that she seems to not care about the relationship. Don't sound accusatory. Say you've noticed she's been distant lately, is there anything wrong?