help me cope with these feelings

These feelings are driving me mad? How can I deal with them in a rational way?

If anyone's read my previous post they will know that my boyfriends twin has recently proposed to my ex good friend who I now hate with a passion. See below thread, . They will join a list of many other people who have got engaged in a hurry (a year or less) one of my close friends and around 4 more of his. This has been leaving me feeling a little insecure and wanting to know where I stand with regards to our future, see below.. .

Well the general idea was to stop talking about our "future" and if we had one and just enjoy there here and now and see what happens in time. However last night I listened to my bf go on and on about how his brother and ashlea are setting the date for next year and how they are planning on having an engagement party which I will have to attend (seriously I can't stand this woman and I was hoping that in 2 years time their relationship will have fizzled out). He then went on and on about all his friends stag dos and weddings and how each year was "booked up" with a wedding for the next 3 years. I actually felt sick listening to him and wanted to cry. I really hate how this is making me feel unbelievably jealous, insecure and frustrated. My head tells me its too soon to be engaged (a year is not long at all) I am happy where we are for now and I know that if you rush into things it is more likely to go up in the long term. Infact it would never be my choice to settle down so soon but I love this guy with my whole heart, I have no reason to not be with him long term. Listening to him talk about his friends getting married like he is so pleased for them and its the most natural thing in the world made me feel so left out. Now I can't help but think do they love their girlfriends more than he loves me?? What have they got that I haven't? I know its ridiculous, it has no affect on their love for their gfs. It could be that they are more impulsive than my guy, or that like me he is more realistic and serious about it. But I just can't get rid of this feeling!!

A couple of weeks ago I kind of told him how I felt, I said I wish he would sometimes talk of our future is "if/when we have kids", "if/when we live together" these are all comments that slip out of my mouth as I believe someday they will. Although he says he wants this these little comments never come from him. I told him I wish he would discuss our future more and he said "I would know when the time was right". I appreciate this. I know he loves me, he is in a different situation to the others as well whereby he had a 5 year relationship before, lived with her and it ended. This could by all accounts make him more cautious about running in head first with me. He may not be in the same headspace as me either and I can't blame him for that.

My mum says he needs to do something soon as she can see I really long to settle down now. I guess I do, im happy, my brother has just had a little girl and I've become really broody. But I do want to do things all in the right time, and I know it takes years, living together, getting married, starting a family.

I wish I could switch this feeling off (for another two years or so at least) but I can't its getting me so down and making me feel sick. Do I tell him how I feel? Or try to ignore my feelings and focus on what I have now - freedom. If I ignore my feelings what is the best way? Please help me on this one!

You need to stop this now. You're actually sabotaging what seems to be a really good relationship with your unrealistic expectations.

You've only know each other one year. That far too soon to say that you don't see any reason why you wouldn't be together forever. Have you any idea how long forever is? And how many things happen in that 'forever' space?

Good heavens, you can hardly deal with other people getting engaged and married (when you're not), how will you deal with other serious problems that crop up in life, and where you may not be getting exactly what you want??

I do understand that it's something you'd like to do - but you have only know him for 12 months and there're are plenty more things you need to know about each other before marriage and children. It's just the old green eyed monster that's at work here, so get a grip.

Listen to you BF. His response is very mature and wise. Don't push him, or you'll blow your chances.

The fact that BF is positive and encouraging about his friends and family making these commitments rather than mocking them or knocking them is a terrific sign.

Focus on that instead of the calendar.

The more gracious you can be toward these other couples, the more you'll learn along the way about how people handle their wedding plans. Consider their experiences to be your private workshop of trials and errors. Consider these fun experiences you get to live through with your BF, and compare notes about your observations in ways that make it more of a shopping game and less of a pressure cooker.

If you find yourself unable to manage this, I'd leave BF out of it and go seek the help of a counselor or therapist or clergy to help you change your perspective and enjoy this time rather than trash it.

Head high, and congrats on finding a wonderful BF.