I need advice please. Is my Ex playing games with me or is she trying to reach

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this website and have read many threads on some of the topics having to do with no contact and healing.

It has been three months since my split with my ex. We had a little fight over my selfishness, I was annoyed at events at the present time and took it out on her, which I sincerely apologized about after. Since we were long distance we met in a city in between each other and spent the weekend together, though as soon as I got there, SHE DUMPED ME, but shortly after our vacation together she wanted to get back together immediately. She came home for thanksgiving and we had a good time, I bought her a ring (as a gift, she was stressed out, I wanted to show her how much she meant to me). After she left to go back home, not even a full day after she dumped me, after I bought her a ring. I had a hard time taking it back but I did.

She decided she couldn't do a LDR after moving away for 1 month. She currently lives 7 hours away from me and I have had a really hard time trying to get over her.

So at first she completely ignored me after I was an mess when she left me the second time, though I never once begged or pleaded. Only cried/showing weakness.

About 3 weeks after that she sends me a text. In short saying "I don't think we should be friends, my parents said for two people to have such a serious relationship like us to be friends after would be almost impossible." I agreed that we shouldn't be friends, though I didn't ignore the thought prior to this message. Anyways I agreed. And we went no contact for about another 3 weeks until she told me she was coming to town.

The texts went as so;

X: "Hey what's up tonight"

Me: Nothing just going to the gym, you?

X: Just driving into town to see my dad and friend.

Me: sounds like fun, it will be nice to see your friends and family.

X: Haha yea, anyway I have to go now, bye.

After these texts I proceeded to ask her to go for coffee(bad idea), which she agreed too a day later.

I asked her what her reason was for telling me she was in town and what her intentions were. She said she just wanted to say hi and that her intentions were "just to go for coffee." I told her I couldn't go for coffee because I still had feelings, I apologized and then told her to have a good night.

She actually then said she wanted to see me after and I accepted the invitation for coffee (stupid I know). The coffee meet up consisted of me talking and her sitting silent. I told her how I felt, and after she dropped me off I gave her a hug and said goodnight and I wish her the best.

Went back to no contact again for about another 3 weeks and she texted me right before my finals for school (which she knew I had).

To summarize our texts. She told me the reason she texted me was to see if we could maybe work things out and maybe get back together. But i was acting like we were strangers, and that I had changed.. She sent me this RIGHT BEFORE MY FINAL! She then later proceeded that she didn't want to talk about our relationship because she knew it was done for good. She proceeded to tell me she didn't feel the same about me at all. And I can't remember the rest of it all but it was all really anger provoking.

I told her not to text me unless she wanted to get back together or until she knew what she wanted (previous from all of this, one of her reasons for breaking up was that she didn't know what she wanted.)

Fast forward to Christmas time!

I get a text from her saying she is leaving town! Haven't heard anything prior to this other than she didn't have time to see me at christmas because she only had two days in town. (Which was a lie, she actually spent 4 days in town, never contacting me once.)

I told her "have a safe trip". And that was it.

Two days later she blows up my phone with like 10 texts.

Saying stuff like she misses me so much and doesn't want anyone else but me and if she can't have me she just wants to be alone. That she can't get over me and is scared about us getting back together. But then proceeded to say "I don't know what I'm afraid of though, I could've been with you these last two months"

I figured this was a sign of reachING out? Not really sure.

So I replied and asked what she was afraid of. She told me she was afraid of distance. Which completely didn't make sense. She also told me the reason she didn't text me whole she was in town was also because she was scared, which didn't make sense at all because I've always been amazing to her, I put my heart on my sleeve for this woman.

anyways she later asked me to come visit her in her town for new years to see "if she wanted to get back together" which I found weird. Anyways we arranged for us to meet eachother in her new city for new years over text and over a few phone calls and everything seemed fine, until... the almighty text... again.

"Oh my god maybe we shouldn't do this, I need to stop texting you, I feel like I'm leading you on and I don't want to get your hopes up. )

My response "okay your right it was a bad idea, sorry for agreeing to it."

Then another text "but what if it is a good idea... and I just need to get a little out of my comfort zone."

My response "no its okay. I don't think I'm going to come visit."

Then the day after she sends me another text asking me if I'd come visit her without any expectations of what the outcome would be on our relationship. This literally almost put me to tears, I couldn't tell if I was just prey to a house cat, being totured before dying, or what...

She also said she can't be in a relationship with me at this time because of her busy work schedule of two jobs on top of going to school. Which I guess makes sense, but whenever we met up when she moved during that first month, I always took a Friday off to have an extra night with her when we met. But she won't reciprocate in any way it seems. She also only has 3 days of classes per week.

Anyways I declined and told her that she shouldn't text me unless she knows what she wants. I told her what I wanted and since then we've been in no contact. It's been 19 days.

I know I've done so many things wrong during this Rollercoaster. But I've always remained true to her and to me.

I know it is time for me to move on and let go but it's so hard for me because we spent everyday together until she moved away. We have so many memories in the 9 months we were together. It seems hard for me to just let it all go.

I do really want her back, but I want back the loving and compassionate woman I fell in love with. Sadly, I think I'm hoping for that return.

Also, she's turning 19 in a week and I'm 21...

Is she really just screwing with my head? I am really unsure of what she's trying to get back together or just wants emotional validation. Or if this is just breadcrumbs.

Sorry for the really long read, but thank you for reading it all, and your feedback will be most appreciated.

Anyone? I know it doesn't look good, but it seems a lot of stuff she is saying is contradicting.

Any insight would be appreciated.

I think for now staying NC is the best option. She will probably text or call again, don't answer. This may increase her texting for a little while because she's expecting you to respond. Continue to ignore. Better yet, block her number so you don't have to see them. You've clearly stated what you want and she is unable to give you that at this time. If you cave and continue this on and off seeing each other, making plans, texting, etc. your word loses value because she sees that you aren't sticking to it. Stick to what you told her. Be a man of your word.

I think she's just unsure of what she wants. She's young and she's living away from home and probably wants to experience dating around and having fun w/ other guys but the comfort she had with you is still appealing on some level. She's trying to have it both ways and she can't...unless you let her. Be strong! You'll get through this! Hugs!

Thank you very much for the response.

I don't plan on breaking no contact, though some days I feel like I should just see how she is doing. I came close to doing so yesterday.

Would blocking her number close the door to reconciliation?

I've deleted her off of Facebook again after she re added me after the contact near new years time. I didn't tell her because I only did it for myself, just in case I found out something that would hurt me even more and I didn't want her to take that the wrong way.

Thank you once again.

Would blocking her number close the door to reconciliation?

Perhaps. I think everyone is different with how they feel about this. Are you the type of person who can resist ignoring several texts in a row from her? Not answering a phone call? If so, I guess you don't have to block her in case she calls and says she wants to reconcile. It's tricky because if you're having a rough day and she texts it's harder to not respond. It can keep you attached a bit to her (hoping she texts or checks in, etc.) It can plummet you into emotional turmoil all over again to receive random texts from her (such as the interaction right before your final). Feel it out. Maybe you're not ready to feel so final as to block her yet but realize there are risks involved. The easiest in the long run, imo, is to rip the bandaid off all at once which would include blocking her.

As far as reconciliation...she knows where you live, she can come over when she's in town and see you. She can find a way to get in touch with you. AND realistically chances of reconciliation are incredibly low anyway so I wouldn't prolong healing for it. Hugs!

Thank you for your reply. I've been trying hard not to prolong my healing and really our interaction between eachother isn't helping. I thought her recent contact was an attempt at reconciling. But if she really missed me wouldnt she have called me when she was in town for those four days? Instead of telling me she was leaving?

Its all really confusing but I think I'll just stay in no contact because I don't know what else to do.

I've been trying to heal all this time when we don't talk, but I still wake up upset and feel as if I will never heal.

Anyways thank you for your replies. They really make me feel less alone while I go through all of this.

Her recent contact wasn't an attempt at reconciling....it was simply a piece of bait to see how you would respond.

Coming to town and telling you when she is leaving?

Just wanted to say "hi"?

I would block her if I were you. You will heal much faster if you don't know when she throws this crap around.

I meant her contact closer to new years. Yea I don't plan on staying around just to get beat up on emotionally.

Thanks for the response. Blunt and to the point.

EDIT: Now that I think about it, even this contact around new years was probably bait too.

I know it hurts and it feels as if you'll never heal but you will, I promise. Little by little every day it'll get easier and you'll think of her less and less. Bright skies ahead, just hang in there and stay strong on NC. Hugs!

Shes 19 years old, you cant expect a 19 yr old to know everything. There is a lot going on with her and sometimes hearing from you is a love/hate thing. Love hearing from you but hate it at the same time. You know what I mean, you love talking to her but then after you are left confused about what she meant or what does this mean blah blah blah.

As she is today, she is not the one for you. I think she is confused and has a lot going on with life and she is like a leaf blowing in the wind. She might land somewhere for a few seconds then fly away again. I think you have to let her go so she can become more stable, having you in her life is wonderful but it doesnt allow her to learn how to be stable. She has to get her own routine, solve problems, manage time and school and friends, homework, money, jobs and its a full plate.

Now Im not going to give you false hope but its over (for now) She is going to have to take time for herself to grow up and you need to see new things also. Then after a year or two if you two decide you two were meant to be, fine, she will know what she wants and she will be more stable. If she doesnt need you in her life then life moves on.

I know its hard, but you are only 21 so you have a lot to learn too. My advice would be to let her go and live her own life, and you live yours, if it was meant to be then it will happen in the future.

Thank you all for your replies. I know she's young and so am I, and we both need to figure out what is going on with our lives.

I think I'm just a little choked because I was supposed to move in with her, thankfully I didn't move in and then have her realize she doesn't want me there.

I do need to let it go and let us both traverse our own paths in life. I just hate the thought of her being with someone else, not that she will be but she also might. I think I really need to work on not worrying about that.

As for me, I have one more year left of schooling so I'm trying to focus my energy on that and getting myself into better shape than I was prior to before(though I've been going to the gym for 2 years, recently came back from hiatus).

The last post really makes me feel better, I've heard similar responses from other people as well. As for now, we aren't meant to be together and in the end we may never be together.

Thank you everyone.