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I am stupid..


ifeeltrapped

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Last night I talked to him on the phone for 2 hours. He took off a week of work to "cope" with his grandfather's loss and our breakup. He is just living with a buddy for now, who in my opinion, is on the same level as him except with a house, for now. We discussed the truck, and he told me to do what I needed to do, but that he planned on keeping up with payments (doubt that).. He was really nice, but I am trying to be strong and not fall for it. I told him I was goin to the movies with a guy tonight, because I am. He said that would be good for me, but as soon as we got off the phone he texted that hearing that about killed him and he didn't want me to go. I am still goin to go. However, we made plans to meet up tomorrow to hook up. Totally stupid, but I don't want to resort to other guys? It's just not comfortable and I feel wrong if I do that? It's crazy just making plans to do that, when just last week we were making plans for our future, a wedding, a family, etc. I am still feeling horrible. Today is his grandpa's visitation. I texted him a y text sort of. I said, "thinking of you today, I would be there for you, but wait, last time I tried to do that you went and stayed with another girl. Love you, take care." .. gosh that was so dumb of me.

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I don't know if you are stupid, but what you did was indeed stupid. Very stupid.

We can only give you advice, as outsiders. We can't force you to do the right thing for yourself, only you can do that. And a few months without sex won't kill you, I can promise you that.

 

And why on earth would you tell him about your plans to meet another guy? Are you actually trying to make him jealous, in hopes he comes back running to you, after he chose to "move out"? I'm starting to think you are both playing games with each other, and that can't possibly end well. Not to mention, your "boyfriend" is a drug addict involved with shady people, and you may put the new guy in danger too!

 

I think you got plenty of great advice on your threads, and not one single person told you that you should keep staying in your relationship with this deadbeat. But if you choose to ignore all advice and your own internal voice that screams at you to abort mission, then all I can do is wish you good luck, because you will need it.

You are obviously not even close to realizing how better off you'd be without him, and I know you'll take him back and continue to provide for him for a while longer. You'll only let go of him forever when he either dumps you for someone who can give him an even better/more comfortable life, with less strings attached, or after he ruins your credit and your life badly enough to make you say "enough is enough". It's sad that you don't want or can't open your eyes, but like I said, nobody can help you from this point on, you either help yourself, or sink. Up to you.

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I guess I was trying to make him jealous. and it worked.. Idk I guess I feel hurting him will fix my pain, but it doesn't. And I'm not hoping that he comes running back to me, b/c he has already begged and I said no he's not coming back.

 

He is not the type of guy you should try to make jealous, because he is a shady character, hanging out with other shady characters. You don't want to get yourself or someone else in trouble...

And as you found out, no, his pain (and I doubt it's really pain, it's more like his bruised ego and fear of losing the roof over his head completely, if you were to move on) won't fix yours, because your pain is genuine, while his has nothing to do with love.

 

You need to consider what losing you really means to him: he's losing a place to live, someone to put food on his table, someone to pay for his living expenses - truck and whatever else - and someone to enable his parasite-like way of life. Of course he'll cling to you for dear life. But, you have to power to put an end to this disaster, and to improve your own life. Leave men alone for now, finding guys for sex or dating or whatever shouldn't be your priority right now. You need to focus on taking your name off all and any document you may have co-signed with him, and to remove all his belongings from your house. Then you need time on your own to heal, because whether you realize or not, you just went through an ordeal, and you can't expect to be all good and happy right away.

 

There's plenty of time for dating and meeting guys. First make sure you make a clean and complete break from this toxic guy, this is the urgency right now.

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