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broke up with my GF but was it the right decision?


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Hi,

 

I would really appreciate some constructive opinions/advice on what I should do.

 

So I broke up with my girlfriend recently after 10 months and I can honestly say it’s been the hardest thing I've ever done, hence I’m sitting here writing this now almost a month after we split. Though it was only 10 months, we had quite a history going back to more than 4 years and we have both always had this ‘soft spot’ for each other (complicated).

 

Anyway, the reason as to why I am struggling as much as I am is due to the reason for the break up…

We had many arguments throughout our 10 months normally linked in some way to the other males she enjoyed texting/inboxing, either in or outside of my personal company.

 

The first big argument was due to continual texting and snap-chatting with a long-term ‘friend’ of hers. This boy had obviously a lot of interest in her judging from the things she’d told me that he’d say to her (often sexual). This obviously made me feel uncomfortable at the fact she would still constantly text/snap-chat him. This went on for a period until our first argument when I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it and asked her if she liked him. She got extremely upset, told me how long she’d waited to be with me, and that she had no interest in this boy other than friendship. So she deleted his number which I respected and then didn’t talk to him…at least for a while.

 

The second argument came from her going out clubbing with, in my opinion, a really bad influence friend, who I could never imagine being in a committed relationship. Anyway she ended up leaving the clubs that night with a boys number + snapchat name. The next few days seeing her I noticed this unnamed number flashing up on her phone, so after seeing it so many times I asked her who it was. She told me it was a boy she had spent much of the night with and that her friend she went with had given this boy her number. I told her you don’t do this kind of this in a relationship, to which she said her friend had given the boy her number, to which I responded yes but you still don’t continue to text him… that behavior anyone would expect to come from TWO single people…am I correct?

 

The third and final argument about this same sort of thing came from when she went to a Christmas party with her sixth form. She then went up town with everyone and from what I gathered spent most of the night with the boys. Anyway, her and the boy from the first argument ended up getting a taxi back together (just them two), and proceeded to exchange numbers (yes, although she’d previously deleted his number). They then continued from 5am right through until I got to hers the next night constantly texting each other.

 

That day she had been ignoring me pretty heavily but I just assumed she was busy…I was quite wrong.

 

The next day I went to hers on the night and noticed she was barely talking to me and taking her phone everywhere with her…even to the toilet. I had a bad feeling she was up to something and knew that if she was I wasn’t going to react very well, however kept it calm. Now what I did next is almost embarrassing and wish it hadn’t got to this point but my paranoia was killing me. I waited for her to go for a wash, at which point she put her phone underneath her pillow. As soon as she left the room I took it from underneath the pillow and went onto her messages…

Turns out she had added this boys number again (I could tell from the display name), despite my apparent issue with it/him. I continued to look at the messages noticing comments from her to him such as ‘cutie’ ‘kisses’ ‘love heart emoji’s’ and ‘sweet dreams’ from the previous night and all that morning/afternoon.

 

That night she cried her eyes out begging me not to go home, but I told her I was going and then coming to get my things the next day.

 

I love this girl. No doubting that. But she has me paranoid…

My course at uni is quite heavy in terms of workload and as time progresses I’d be able to give her less and less attention. Many times I’ve been trying to revise in the library wondering what she’s actually up to at home/who she’s talking to now, so it’s had an effect on my study. She’s rather needy/attention-loving for male attention if you haven’t already noticed…

She’s hinted that if I want to take her back she’s there for me to do so, but I know this wouldn’t last for long as a lot of boys are ‘after’ her. Before we officially split she told me that I’d never find a girl who loved me as much as she did and to be honest, I’m kind of agreeing with that point of view that worries me.

 

Anyway, my question to you is do you think I’ve made the right choice or do you think my paranoia has got the better of me and caused me a relationship with the girl I love?

 

Thank you for taking the time out to read this and if anything needs clearing up for you to give me your opinion, just ask.

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Before we officially split she told me that I’d never find a girl who loved me as much as she did and to be honest, I’m kind of agreeing with that point of view that worries me.

 

No, no, no, my dear.

 

A girl who genuinely *loves* you wouldn't talk to men behind your back, continue talking to a man who talked of sexual things with her, go out to clubs and get into a cab alone with said man, hide her phone from you, etc.

 

Her type of love is all talk and no action. It's easy to feel those loving emotions, but the girl you should stick with is the girl who shows it by: being honest and respectful with you just as much as herself, and not interacting with other men in a way that would be questionable or hurt your feelings. Despite you telling her your feelings on the subject repeatedly, she hasn't changed.

 

She may have feelings for you, but she isn't trustworthy, and this would have continued to hurt you, had you stayed with her.

 

I think you absolutely did the right thing.

 

And that crying bit that she did when you found her out? Many cheaters do that...it doesn't mean very much other than they are sorry they got caught.

 

How can you possibly think that no other girl would love you 'the way she did'? The cheating cancels all that out.

 

All the best.

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I agree with the above. She may well have been fun and comforting to be around at times, but her drama negated her positive attributes. When you're constantly wondering whether your partner is sleeping with other people, it's bad for a relationship (duh). It's also potentially bad for your health if she is, as you could easily get a nasty disease. Basically, she's at a different level of maturity than you are. She's still in the party-party phase of your life and you're in the more grown-up phase. You'll have to let her do her thing and move on and be with someone who wants to be with you and that will treasure your relationship.

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Regardless of it being physical or eventually leading to physical, you don't trust her...And rightly so.

This flirty sneaky behaviour does not make for an honest, stable and mature relationship.

She shouldn't be acting in such a way and you definitely did the right thing. Next time don't give so many chances. If sb shows you they're capable of that behaviour, you end it straight away. It never gets better.

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She's talking in an inappropriate way and behind your back. That's wrong. You don't need to physically cheat to cheat.

Thanks christwowheels.

Just to clarify I didn't think that she might be physically cheating as such when I was busy studying, just rather talking to another boy... which I guess over time would probably lead to that right��

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It's almost like emotional cheating. My boyfriend was doing the same thing and for a really long time I was just letting it go because I didn't want to seem uncool or not chilled out until one day I realised he's hurting me and I can't live in constant paranoia of his eventually cheating on me or leaving me for one of the girls he text flirts with. Walk away while you have and don't look back.

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Epl, if you hadn't caught her she would have become distant the more you were in the library and she was hanging out with her friend.

 

It doesn't matter if they are friends. It only takes a little spark between a man and woman to ignite a fire of sexual & romantic desire between them. The longer she continued to hang out with him, the more likely platonic feelings would have become something much more as they knew more about each other.

 

Some girls have quite a lot of guy friends, especially if they are tomboyish, but there are no 'kisses' and 'love hearts' involved and no one to one with them.

You already talked with her, if you let this relationship go on it wouldn't have had much longer to go. Think about it. You just saved a couple more months of your life and emotional havoc.

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