Broke up with Boyfriend and he is already married Need some good advise.

I have just recently broke up with my boyfriend. We were together for 3 years. It's been 1 month and a half that we broke up and he is already married, actually this weekend he got married. The reason for break up was to get married to a girl chosen by his parents back home. The reason we couldn't continue is due to religious differences. I still miss him and just too shock to know that he is already married to someone who he never met. Can he easily connect with her? We loved each other so much and I am very upset that how easy for him to actually share those feeling and relation with this girl he only met on his wedding day. How can you forget someone that you loved so much and go back home and get married so quick.

Any advise would really help.

Hello there,

first of all, to answer your question, no it's not that easy to forget someone you loved so much and i'm sure he wouldn't easily forget about you, but with time, and after he's given up to his faith, he will accept the fact that you were not made for each other.

my advice for you is to try and keep yourself busy and occupy your mind with other things rather than spend the entire time thinking about what happened. Try and work on improving your social life, go out, have fun, STAY BUSY! now i'm not saying it's gonna be easy, but trust me, after a while and without you even realizing it, you'll find that you got over it and maybe along the road you'll find someone who's willing to give you a new whole perspective, so don't lose hope.

Best regards

What is going on isn't any big love connection with his wife, but a deep connection to his family and his culture. If he married someone picked out by his parents, it was an arranged marriage, which in cultures with arranged marriages traditionally means he probably hardly even met the girl before the wedding, maybe for a couple hours in a chaperoned setting with their parents there. Arranged marriage cultures have all kinds of rules as to how a spouse is chosen, including letting the parents decide, social levels/castes, geographic locations, even horoscopes. So the methods used to choose a spouse have absolutely nothing to do with emotions or love.

So marriages in some cultures are not about 'being in love' before the marriage, but are more an arranged situation where the parents decide who the children will marry, and marriage is an extended family affair rather than about the love between two people. The expectation is that love can grow after a marriage, but it is not an essential part of marriage which is seen more like a business deal.

So i doubt he's forgotten you or the feelings he had for you, but instead made a practical choice that it was more important to conform to his culture and please his parents/family than to pursue a love marriage which is not a necessity/norm in his culture. So he basically caved to tradition and family rather than choosing you.

But please be aware that this is game over if he married someone else. Don't let him try to talk you into seeing him. He tossed you over because he believed he would do better for himself by following tradition, and anyone who tosses you over for any reason at all isn't worth having.

And next time don't shop for love with someone from a culture that believes in arranged marriages with a different religion than yours or you may find yourself disappointed again.

btw, you'd be better served at this point to try to turn this sadness into anger, because basically he used you for attention and sex when he knew full well that one day he'd drop you and trot off to marry the person his parents chose for him. That should make you ANGRY rather than sad, and show you what kind of person he is, a user and someone who is willing to toy with someone else. Find your anger and see him for who he really is, and you'll heal faster.

I assure you that he's miserable. Of course he didn't forget you and of course he shares nothing with her other than a last name.

I doubt he'll ever be truly happy with the way arranged marriages go. You just need to accept the fact that life intervened. It's NOT to say that you weren't right for eachother as the person above suggests (an absurd suggestion, really). It just means that there is someone else who's more right, is all.

I know how hard this is for you. Be gentle on yourself and go through the grieving process on your own time. Connect with your feelings and with time you'll come to accept them.

Hello there,

first of all, to answer your question, no it's not that easy to forget someone you loved so much and i'm sure he wouldn't easily forget about you, but with time, and after he's given up to his faith, he will accept the fact that you were not made for each other.

my advice for you is to try and keep yourself busy and occupy your mind with other things rather than spend the entire time thinking about what happened. Try and work on improving your social life, go out, have fun, STAY BUSY! now i'm not saying it's gonna be easy, but trust me, after a while and without you even realizing it, you'll find that you got over it and maybe along the road you'll find someone who's willing to give you a new whole perspective, so don't lose hope.

Best regards

 

Thank you so much

Thank you so much for your advise. I am trying everything but still. All these memories, they way we were together. I just hard for me.

Hi there, This is what I am trying to do. It's very difficult but trying me best. Thank you for your advise.

Thank you for replying to my post. It is very hard for me. I just can't stop thinking about him and the worst thing is I never made any friends while I was with him. So now, I just feel lonely.

Thank you so much for your advise. I am trying everything but still. All these memories, they way we were together. I just hard for me.

Thank you for replying to my post. It is very hard for me. I just can't stop thinking about him and the worst thing is I never made any friends while I was with him. So now, I just feel lonely.

That turned out in your favor. Go make some friends now and you'll see how quickly your perspective changes. Go easy on yourself. This is a very difficult time, and you're understandably not ok yet.

Yes, I am. It's just taking time. Finding difficult to make friends. Don't know where to start or what to do. He came to see me just before he was flying back home and we had a massive fight. Was calling me with bad names as one of my friend who he hated so much text me while I was with him. I don't know what he was trying to do but don't understand guys like this. You are going back home to get married and still trying to control my life.

I'm going to guess he's from a culture with arranged marriages (likely Indian). No matter how hard he pursued you or how "real" your connection is, like MANY other men from his culture he ultimately chose family over a love match.

You never had a chance with him. The deal breaker for religion and quite frankly, getting together without parental approve in the first place, was there all along. Accept this and next time do NOT enter relationships with built in hurdles such as this.

In modern times we equate marriage with love, but in many cultures marriage is about social ties and the whole family has a say in it. We live in a world of "what is" not "what should be" from your perspective. The sooner you can make peace with this, you can factor it into future situations.

You are right, It's a Pakistani culture. As soon as we broke up he got engaged with 2 weeks and now he is married. I just don't understand the culture myself. Same religion but diff cast we are. Just too surprised that he is all ok and I am still suffering with pain.

Thank you for your advise.

Mehr

So sorry u going through this pain.be gentle with yourself

Thank you for your wishes. Mehr