Need help Please

Hello all, I am new to this forum. Thought it might be a good idea to reach out to similar people going through their own crap storms.

I am currently suffering from idle hands, as I am now on vacation from my studies and my job.

We broke up two weeks ago tonight. We were living together for almost a year. He was amazing for the most part, but he had legitimate mental health issues that I found out about way after the fact that I fell in love with him.

He has alcohol related neurological disorder or FAE. To put it into English, it means that his mum drank alcohol with him while he was growing in her tummy. If you have ever met someone like my ex, then you would know that the majority look like you and me, they talk like you and me etc. It is known as the invisible disorder. With that being said, I had no idea until it was too late. What he suffered from are what they refer to as "secondary illnesses/issues. He suffered badly with depression, anxiety, OCD and anger.

Before I knew for sure what was up, I had a feeling there was something not quite right. I would call it his "black abyss" he wouldn't be able to regulate his sleep, he would get really grouchy and down right nasty with me. I let it slide and just avoided him when he was like that. He finally came clean and told me what his issues were. I started to educate myself on the subject and I also found myself really pissed off not only at him (for keeping his disability from me) but also at his mum for doing this to not only him but all eight of her children!

In the beginning it was rough, getting to know him and his disability. I fell deeper in love with him. Despite his disability, he is a good man and he truly means well. We went and found resources with mental health organizations, friendship centres, groups for FASD and kept on with medication.

We were living a dream together. The best man I have ever been with by far, he understood me. He was gentle, caring, intuitive, spiritual and absolutely stunning. He treated me like a queen. He cleaned the house, paid bills etc. Couldn't have asked for a better lover and I thought he was it, ya know...the one...there would be NO other.

By November, he let his medications run out (which is part of his disability) poor time management, poor concept of time, procrastination etc. I saw this and told him, that we needed to make an appt with a Dr. Unfortunately, the day this landed on was the worst...a Friday evening! We went down to Emerge at the hospital. The Dr. who saw him, changed the dosage on his scripts. She lowered his dose from 60mg to 40 mg. We left and everything was all right, we carried on living our happy life together.

A few nights later, we went to bed. I woke in the dark to him having nightmares and moaning uncontrollably and it went on and on like this over the course of a couple of weeks. His sleep got all messed up and he was beginning to stay awake throughout the night time and not coming to bed. He began sleeping in the basement. It didn't bother me, as I had to get up early to go to class in the mornings. We still made time to be intimate etc.

As the weeks progressed, I noticed a tremendous change in him. He was getting snappy, he was avoiding me and basically living in the basement. We began fighting all the time and steering clear of one another.

I came home from class one day to find the house empty. He walked in from outside maybe 45 minutes after I had gotten home. He asked me if I wanted to know where he was at and I said to him that I just assumed he was over at the neighbours. NOPE!! He went to the casino and blew all of our bill money there. I wasn't pissed, until I asked him if he had won anything and when he said NO and I asked how much did you spend and he wouldn't tell me, that's when I got pissed! We went four days without talking. My thoughts have always been that you should pay bills before you go out and have fun!

Those four days of not talking were rough. He was like a completely different person. Every time I tried to talk, he would cut me off. He became obsessed with that hacking group Anonymous and all the stuff happening down in Ferguson at that time. He had some how convinced himself that the hackers were acknowledging him and that he was part of their group. When we did begin talking again, it was only about Anonymous/Ferguson/codes/etc. It was so weird to me and I shut down and didn't want to fuel his delusions by taking an interest in it.

Anyway, we made up....but he continued to be on edge, snappy, and obsessed. He still continued to sleep in the basement and avoid me. I made this lovely dinner on a Sunday evening and it was my intention to sit with him, talk and just be together, enjoy the company. He had two helpings of the dinner and headed down to the basement. I got upset and sad. He noticed that I was on the verge of tears and he automatically got pissed off with me. He began yelling and I began crying. I could not get a word in edge wise. He went to the basement and I went to my room.

With much thought, I tailored an email for him to read. Regarding his medication issues, the way he has been acting/behaving, the casino etc. I laid it all out on the table. I mentioned that I was concerned for him, for our relationship etc. He was deeply offended by my honesty. He lashed out!

He began calling me "idiot" and just being extremely nasty. He chased me around the house, he threw an entire bottle of water on me and proceeded to get into my face, yelling, calling me names and saying that he wants out! He then picked up the phone to call the police (?) I still don't understand why, as he was the one that was being abusive, threatening and belligerent.

I ran to my Gramma's house and called the Police from there. I asked them to remove him from the house. They gave him until noon the next day to vacate.

When I went back to the house, he had taken everything of his. He destroyed everything that I ever gave him, everything that he ever gave me. He broke down the fence that we had built together in the summer and gave it to our neighbour. He left the house empty of anything that could remind me of him.

I took a week off of school to get my thoughts in order and to get my house cleaned up. Haven't heard anything from him....

I went back to school and to work this past week and kept myself busy. Still haven't heard from him.

Now, it's Christmas vacation and I am sitting here going out of my mind, because as much as I hate to admit it, I miss him! I blame it all on the medication being a complete failure. Before we went to the hospital and before the Dr. changed his dosage, we were happy, we were great, we were more than fine.

Now I'm alone. I am worried about him and have no idea where he is or what he's doing/ thinking.

I have lost my best friend.

I want to reach out, but I am too proud to swallow my pride. I am also afraid of rejection... I am afraid of the words he could possibly say OR the words he wont.

I dunno what to do?

Anyone out there know first hand what it's like to deal with someone you love who has a really bad disability? Anyone have any advice to give?

This is a very tough situation to be in. I just watched "Theory of everything" about Stephen Hawking and his first marriage. I can't suggest anything, but definitely think over your entire relationship and see if it's something that can be sustained long-term and at what cost. Love is grand, but you will be very frustrated at times (like you are right now). Give it a few weeks and see if he reaches out with a cooler head.

I would also factor in what it would be like to have kids.

Does this guy work, or is he on disability?

Thank you both for the response.

There are three kids involved. Two are his which he does not have custody of.

The other is mine and I have custody. No children together, which I think is a good thing.

He is on disability but he also builds computers and rebuilds motorcycles.

How responsible is he with his children? Does he pay support?

Does his income provide for a stable future?

Is he going to return to the higher dosage of meds? Not only do you need to be concerned for you, but also your child. Is this a stable environment?

We were actually getting to the point of having his son come for weekends here and we were all having an amazing time.

So disappointing to think we were making progress.

He doesn't pay support, but there is a reason for that. His brother ended up hooking up with his daughters mother and since then both sides don't want anything to do with one another. He sent money and a new tablet to his daughter on her birthday, which was in August. He provides her with gift cards too, but won't send money ever since his brother took his whole family away.

His son is not in his custody whatsoever. He was adopted by my ex's sister, as she is a foster mother for a whole house full of kids. The reason being, is that the mother of that child has serious drug addiction issues. Child protective services, wouldn't even allow him an opportunity to be a dad to his son.

He has always been good with my son. My son is actually going through this grieving process with me right now. They would watch that river monsters show together, build lego together etc. My ex felt like it was a great opportunity for him to actually be a dad because his chance was taken away from him and my son's biological dad is MIA, so it was good for all of us.

I'm not too sure about the income really? He made enough to keep us afloat, but eventually I will have a good job myself, so we would have made it work.

I was unable to bring up the medication with him. He refuses to see that the issue is with the medication.When I tried, he cut me off, he wouldn't even hear it. Although when discussing this with his sister, she mentioned that he has tried before to take himself off meds or even adjust to new ones and it has NEVER been a good thing. Her words were along the lines of "no one could even stand him at all" I haven't talked to him in two weeks exactly. I have no idea where he is or if he's okay.

I am too proud to contact his sister to ask if he's okay or if she has heard anything from him.

I was concerned for myself and my son, that's why he is no longer living here.

But, I miss him. I saw a side of him that I didn't like. It scared me.

What else can it be? The only logical explanation for his behaviour is the lower dose of medication. We were fine before we went to hospital.

Wow! Sounds like a lot of drama to bring your child into.

He is still responsible for the support of his son. The brother, is neither here, nor there .

Do you also come from the same background? There is so much instability in this family. Not a healthy environment.