Dreading Christmas

Hi everyone. Ex and I initially broke up two weeks before Valentine's Day. It was hard but I got through V Day with friends, and I didn't expect anything from him. We got back together two months later, then he ended it again. He d*cked around with my feelings with push/pull behaviour for a few months after that, but now we've been NC for three and a half months. Now it's less than two weeks before Christmas and I'm dreading it. I know I'm luckier than a lot of people, I have a family to spend the day with and many people don't, but still I know how it's going to pan out. I'm going to spend the day waiting for the elusive "Merry Christmas" text (or, even better, the text announcing that he's had a Strooge-style Christmas transformation an can't live without me... one can only dream, right?) The text is not going to come because he's obviously moving on with his like and I'm going to spend the evening watching Eastenders while frantically Googling "He didn't text me?!? What does this meeeeean?!?!?" and searching message boards like this one until the early hours. Then on NYE, the cycle will repeat itself. At least I can drink and look fabulous as I cry on a nightclub toilet with no door.

To be honest, this dread may come from Christmas overload. I work at a British budget card chain whose name won't be mentioned, and I've been living in Wizard's perpetual festive dystopia since I started working there in October. I didn't mind at first, but now every time someone hands me a "To my perfect boyfriend" card over the counter with some sh*itty poem written inside, I want to throw it at them like a chakram. I remember last year, going to the same card shop and trying to find a card for my then bf that had cute animals on but wasn't so saccharine. Or the last two Christmasses trying to find him a tweed jacket that he apparently wanted but never wore. I'm spared that this year, at least. Every cloud, eh?

It seems that whoever is absent in your life, Christmas is a very in-your-face time of year. Particularly when your till is placed adjacent to the "One I love" rack of giant, glittery cards. It's a wonderful holiday, I know, but I can't help but feel my ex's absence more than ever. If anyone else feels the same, feel free to rant at me.

Absolutely brilliant ...

your sense of humour alone will get you through this ...hell do you want to come to my house hahahahah

I did the same, but as a customer in a card shop ..not regarding the ex but regarding my mum , first christmas without her ..first row of cards I see ...mum cards ...I started bubbling ..pulled the hairs on my arm to try and shock my tears back in ..alas the next row was grandma and I thought of my daughter missing her grandma and that ...was...it ..... hahahahahaha 48 year old women with snot dripping down my face in the middle of a card shop .

As much as we can say , come on its only a day .. or 3 days ..eve/day/boxing day ...in reality we know this actually started in october .. by the time november gets here there is no escaping it and by god , by the 1st december even the sky menu music has changed to christmas music .

Sometimes I find it easier to just think ..you know what if feels like crap .. the end .... and just go with it .

keep that sense of humour !!! fabulous

I agree with Shooting Star... I LOVE your sense of humor and thank you kindly for the much-needed laughs. I'm also dreading Christmas with family especially that everyone around me have successful lives relationship, career and otherwise and here I am alone, lonely, broke and broken hearted ... Sometimes I wonder if it's better to just give up! But keep that sense of humour indeed!

In a year or two, you are going to barely remember the times you had with this guy. This too shall pass.

Enjoy your Christmas with family!

Thank you Ms Darcy I've taken your comment as advice for myself as well... I pray to god that this shall pass for all us broken hearted

Thank you Ms Darcy I've taken your comment as advice for myself as well... I pray to god that this shall pass for all us broken hearted

 

aww rihanna it will pass ..hang on in there xx

OP, your ex must be either plain impossible or be needing a hearing aid because you have a very witty sense of humour and that alone is incredibly charming! You sound like nice company to have on xmas eve

As for the dreaded cards.. I hear ya! it will pass and before you know it is january with all Valentines cards ahead Good luck!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Please block him...so that you can think, "I bet he texted me. Jerkface." And feel better about being the person that's ignoring him. At least that helped get me through last Christmas.

And what miss Darcy said is true. Last Christmas...I was a mess. But 4 months of no contact...with him blocked....and I finally felt like I could move on with my life. This Christmas...is completely different. Awesome bf and I'm looking forward to falling asleep with while watching Netflix on New Years.

Just block him. It's so much better to think "he can't get through", then "why hasn't he texted?"

It's gets better promise

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I have nothing constructive to add, but OP you validated all my feelings and gave me a good laugh too! We'll get through this and we'll be stronger for it!

Thank you for all your kind comments! They really cheered me up! Merry Christmas everybody

Shooting Star - Haha, that's so true! It seems like this can be both the most wonderful time of the year and an endurance test! You're right though, sometimes all you can do is ride with the feeling - I'm sorry to hear about your mum.

Ms. Darcy - Great advice thank you, I'll spend the day with the people who matter.

Rihanna - I'm sorry to hear that you are in that position and I really hope things get better for you and that you can find some peace this Christmas.

Lucha - Oh gawd, the Valentine's Day cards! I'm so glad that I'm leaving before then!

Faraday - That's a great idea and inspirational to read - I'm glad things have turned out better for you this year!

Laelithia - Indeed we will! I hope your Christmas goes well.

OP, you may have just cured me of Insidious Card Isle Angst. If I'm ever again caught off guard by a love-gushing card from the rack I'll think "CHAKRAM! Chakram, everybody, chakram!!" and imagine throwing sharp items will nilly.

Also works for irritating co-workers

I know exactly how you feel. This time a year ago I was broken hearted and going through a painful breakup (we had just broken up 6 days before Christmas.) It was hard for me to spend Christmas and New Year's alone, but we did get back together and are happy now. But I look back at the pain I was in this time a year ago and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

I think the best way to handle this is not anticipate a "Merry Christmas" text from him. I think you should realize it's over (at least for now, maybe not forever), and concentrate on you. Do something that will make you happy, watch a funny Christmas movie ("National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" was one I watched last year. Cousin Eddie will help you through it!) Try not to think about the "what if's" because you will just drive yourself crazy, and I know I don't know you or him, but nobody is worth driving yourself crazy over.

Vent on here all you want. You have plenty of people who are going through the same thing, just going through it differently. Then you have other people (like myself) who has gone through it, and is here to offer support and suggestions as a way to "give back" to those who helped us when we were going through a bad break up. I was an emotional wreck this time a year ago and thought the pain would never end, but it did and we got back together. But I've been through many other break-ups where it didn't work out, and I eventually made it through it. Here's some advice I saw from the TV show "Happy Days". It's a scene where Chachi has just broken up with Joannie and he tried to win her back. They're sitting alone at Archie's and here's how the dialog went:

(Chachi comes into Arnold's and he and Fonzi are the only ones there late at night)

Chachi: I can't believe it, it didn't work. Fonzi, how can you let me make a fool out of myself?

Fonzi: If I told you it wouldn't have worked, would you have believed me?

Chachi (thinking): No.

Fonzi: Chachi, I can only help you in so many ways, but there are certain things you have to find out for yourself.

Chachi: Fonz, I really need those words of encouragement now more than ever. Please help me get back on my feet.

Fonzi: Chachi?

Chachi: Yeah?

Fonzi: Life is funny.

Chachi: That's all you've got?

Fonzi: Oh come on, anything I say right now will sound like didly.

Chachi: So, say it anyway.

Fonzi: Okay, every song you heard on the radio on the way over here made you think of HER

Chachi: Yes!

Fonzi: Every woman you see reminds you of HER!

Chachi: Yeah, but not as pretty.

Fonzi: And you are CONVINCED the miserable feeling you have right now is going to be with you, every day, for the rest of your life, until you are dead!

Chachi: I really hope the part where you help me is coming soon! (audience laughs)

(Fonzi pulls up a chair beside Chachi and begins rubbing his head)

Fonzi: Chachi? You're going to get over this.

Chachi: No I won't.

Fonzi: Yes you will. Okay, I don't know how, I don't when, but it WILL pass. I know right now the pain is bigger than you are, but every day it's going to hurt a little less and before you know it, YOU will be bigger than the pain.

Chachi: Well between now and then will you come be my support at my baseball games?

Fonzi (smiling): Aaaaa!

(The scene ends with them sitting alone at Arnold's.)

I think Fonzi hit it right on the head. Some good words of wisdom there. Hope that helps. Merry Christmas.

"YOU will be bigger than the pain" - I love it. Thank you I'm glad things worked out well for you in the end. Merry Christmas to you, too

Hello, I'm just checking up on you and how your NYE went? Did you end up having "a fabulous night drinking and crying on a toilet in a club with no door?" I love your sense of humour it's so refreshing reading your post and though it's your pain your personality is indeed a memorable one for someone like myself to remember you, search for you specifically on a huge forum with thousands of people like this... But I genuinely want to know how your night went? and I have read your small comment to Ms Darcy "spend the day with people who matter" but who are we kidding? I know as you do that it won't matter... family are there and always will be there and other friends with their lovers and kids and smiles and blah blah and though they matter at that dark hour in that moment the only person that should matter is You! yes, just you as selfish as it may sound but you're the one hurting and through your hurt those people that 'matter' still expect you to stretch a smile for them, to fake a laugh, to pretend to be in the moment, to feel their presence and at that moment you realise that you actually prefer to be alone with your head in the toilet and be with yourself, cos it's only you at that moment that really matters! All my heart and prayers go to you girl xxx

Hi! Sorry about the late reply, I haven't been on E-notalone in a while. My NYE was terrible, but for other reasons! No text off the ex, of course. I've just begun teaching abroad, so it's taken my mind off my ex by giving me a bigger problem - all those children Thank you for your kind words! That's so true, it's hard to be upbeat when you're hurting. Did your NYE go well? xxx