I need her back, after so long apart

Hi all!

My problem is, I miss my ex - I miss her so much, I'd do anything to get her back!

We have been apart now for about 3 and a half years, I'm now 22 and she is now 20. We were together for 3 years.

I know that back when we were together things were a lot different. We were at school, and have both grown up a lot since then.

We have both been to college, she's currently at University, so we have both met a whole new group of people, I have dated other girls and she was with a guy for over a year.

I've moved towns (only 30mins up the road), and I have tried to contact her a few times in the past, once about a month after we split up and another at the beginning of this year. But failed to get anywhere.

I'm not sure where to go next, I thought maybe wait until valentines day and send her a bunch of flowers anonymously, with a riddle, and hope she works out it's from me?

I know it's been so long and we were both so young. But I can't stop thinking about her, about her beautiful blue eyes, her gorgeous smile. I thought after a while I'd get over her, and that kinda worked, but then out of nowhere all these feelings and memories came flooding back. I've got to get her back, I'm dying inside!

Thank you for reading my pathetic story, and thank you in advance for your replies.

James

Until you accept that she isn't coming back, you'll be stuck in limbo. Stop following her life, it won't help you. Stay active, cut out all connections to her, and work on moving on

You will get over her if you let yourself. But you need to get it out of your head that you will reconnect. Easier said than done I know. Since you are so fixated, professional help may be in order.

Hi Clinton

Thanks for message,

Your probably right, but it's so hard, I'm not really in a position where I can pay for help at the moment.

To make matters worse my best friend is in a similar situation, and it's all we talk about. I hear a song on the radio and it reminds me of her, it's awful feeling like this, I can't date because I always compare to her.

I know it's hard but you need to be proactive. Stop talking about her. Stop talking about breakups with your friend. It's holding you in place. Stop listening to sad songs on the radio. You need to take responsibility for your own well being.

I've been there, I know what it's like. I spent the first month after I got dumped listening to songs like "wish you were here" and making up scenarios in my head where I walked in and swept her off her feet. But it's not healthy and will really hold you back.

After that I finally admitted she was gone for good and spent the next 11 months being as active as possible

I went to bed exhausted each night but it worked.

You need to change things up somehow. Up to you what you do, but it isn't working now so do something

" I have tried to contact her a few times in the past, once about a month after we split up and another at the beginning of this year. But failed to get anywhere. "

- Sadly Let this be a clue.

IF she were interested, she'd reply back to you. She didn't after those 2 times. Then STOP now.

For your own good..

Maybe you could do with some professional help, since this is still affecting you? Think about it..

Btw, you're not pathetic. Sometimes we can end up 'stuck' in these annoying rutts and need help to 'accept, heal & move on'.

gd luck

Thank you for the response.

You're right. If I had knew then that it'd be like this now, I would have done things so differently. I didn't appreciate her then, but at the end of day, we were just kids.

If only she knew how much I still care for her, I always wonder if she has ever felt like this about me, and I always wonder if there are times were she misses me and how we used to be.

Every happens for a reason I guess. Who knows what the future holds, but you are both right, why should I put my life on hold?

Thank you!

You cannot try to contact her again. You have tried and she chose not to respond. I've been there. After that happened to me about 2 months after the break up, that was it and I was done and went 3 month NC and moved forward. We have to have self respect. I am now in a better place (not so needy and clingy) and she got back in touch with me recently. Bottom line is that she will contact you IF she wants on her time frame. She may never contact you again because it does not happen a lot. You will drive yourself crazy with wondering this or that. It's over and now it is time for you to move on because she has.

Thank you, I appreciate all if your comments.

I suppose that's life. Fingers crossed she might get in touch. After considering what you all have said, today I've joined a gym, brought some new clothes and I'm now just going to concentrate on myself - since the split I've kind of let myself go, and now it's time to take care of myself and stop feeling sorry for myself!

Thank you to all of you who have commented! Hopefully a few months down the line I would have completely got over her, we'll see

I think the title of your thread says it all. You say you need her. Until this need goes away, don't try. Neediness will cause you to do things that go against what you want. Until you don't need her back, and only want her back, only then will it have a chance to work. It may work nite, but if you want her back long term, then wait.

Telling yourself you need something, when in reality you don't, leads us to do some crazy things.

Hi jslow

You make a good point, I suppose I need to know the difference from my wants and needs. Maybe I'm just panicking, thinking that if I don't get her back maybe she'll find someone, settle down, marry and have children.

Thank you for your message