my ex narcissistic , sociopath? lucky escape? Help me please understand.

Hi so long story. I've been on here before when I found out in the summer my bf of nearly 2 years got another girl pregnant. I was devastated and cut all contact with him. I only found out until the baby was born all of this, and he told me left me for her and the sake of his son.

It took me months to get over it and i was devastated. 4 months later, his GF contacted me, confronted me about my relationship with him. Turns out she had no idea about me at all and found my contact on his phone and and he had started a relationship with her aswell. He was practically leading a double life and had been for over 1 year and half!

She has been contacting me telling me he hits her, beats her, house is a mess, doesnt let her leave the house, is a drug addict and forces her to sleep with him. I was shocked to hear this as he never once laid a finger on me and all my friends loved him, never smoked pot around me. He knew that i was a good girl and he pursued me, I'm well educated with a future ahead of me. On the otherhand im aware that this woman is 4 years his senior an has another child with someone else who is around 10.

She wanted to know the truth about me and his infidelities to which i was honest and said he had cheated on her while she was pregnant when me and him started seeing each other again ( when we had a break and i had no idea about her ). She has told me she found out he has been with hookers while dating both of us, been on dating sites, and meeting up with exes at the same time! She also told me the baby was planned on his part.!!! this was the hardest thing for me to hear, but at the same time he travelled 3 hours by bike in the snow to spend christmas day with me and new years after the child would have been conceived so i'm confused since if he loved her he would have let me go and would have done anything to be with her. She told me he had admitted that and she was upset. Could she be lying about this? He was obviously telling us both that he loved us so i dont know what to believe! I was shocked!! I told her to leave him as he will continue to cheat on her.

She was open to me and apologised saying that we were both hurt by him. Anyway a few hours later she messages me again to tell me to leave them alone and that he never loved or cared for me ect. I was shocked and thought that he may have told her lies about me, and would do anything to save their relationship particularly for the child as he still hasn’t admitted cheating on her. She told me that they need to move on now and forget everything for the sake of their son.

I said a final word by saying that she had contacted me in the first place and that she could believe what she wanted and that if he genuinely loved her he would be honest and own up. Dont contact me again and then blocked her straight away. My ex then contacted me swearing at me telling her to leave her alone and not to f* it up for him as he was to be with his son , and said he loved her and that he never cared for me and that he will change for her and never loved me. I was devastated when he said these things as he was so loving during our relationship and told me that he loved me all the time. I never replied and blocked his number too. I don’t believe him that he will change. He was always so controlling with me and didnt like me hanging out with guys he didn’t know and now i suspect he has this sociapathic behaviour but i’m not sure.

Apparently he also referred to me as “some girl” and not his ” Ex gf” Which really makes me question his motives and why he said this about me to her? Is he trying to to please her by saying all this? Why was he so mean to me!? I am the innocent party in all of this and i suspect its because he doesnt want to lose his son. I doubt he loves her, and doubt that if there was no son he would still be with her.

I am shocked at how horrible he has been to me. He hasn’t apologized at all to me for all hes done. Have i done the right thing? We were together so long, i’m trying to understand why he said such horrible things, and why he does not come clean if he truly loves her?

Also i feel that she is constantly comparing herself with me showing her insecurities? she asked me what he bought me for xmas, and where we stayed over new years.? could she be lying about all of this about him ? I dont know what to believe. she acted like i was after my ex, but i had already moved on with someone else and she had contacted me ! Does he have these narcissistic traits? Will he cheat again? I told her she was an idiot to stay with him, but she told me that they need to move on now for their son’s sake. Would be grateful for your input if you could Just feeling so frustrated this has all re rooted and im shocked and sad he has acted this way. I'm relieved im out of the storm but at the same time I'm disgusted to know what I know. Can anyone put some input into this?

Lost and confused..Thanks

I think the only label I would give him is jerk and cheater. The best thing for you is to never be in contact with him or any of his ladies again.

I agree that he doesn't need any psychological labeling. He is obviously confused, immature, and not a very nice person. Doesn't mean he's a narcissist or a sociopath.

Your only job right now is to move forward and take the lesson. Think back on the relationship and what signs you may have missed that indicated his true nature.

Wow, you've had such a shock, your head must be spinning right now. I'm sorry you're going through this, it sounds very painful and crazy-making. I agree that dwelling on either of them in any way, shape or form (such as "diagnosing" him) is not going to help you at all right now. You need to get some distance from this whole crazy mess.

So i question this, he was so harsh to me and so cruel with what he said! and this is what hurts the most. Does this have any meaning? he told me he didn't love me, loves her, "wants to be with his son" in texts. They made me feel like he really doesnt and has never.

I don't want my ex back by any means, it just SUCKS how he treated me like **** and i never got the impression he felt bad for my situation. I know he has a child now and hes doing everything to keep his new gf schtum by blocking me out, but do you think deep down he actually feels bad/guilty??

I can't believe any human to do this! i was with him for so long and now it feels like he genuinely never cared and that makes me sad. I hate for what he did to me and in a way i feel like they deserve eachother she was pretty horrible via texts too and i was the innocent party in all of this.

The whole situation is driving me nuts, will a relationship like this work out? I think i secretly don't want them to live a happily ever life since what he did to me in all this, and suddenly hes going to be perfect for her? If you know what i mean. I think i'm slightly jealous that he chose her over me? but i think its the child, he cheated on her too when me and him broke up, i had no idea she existed, i was upset about the break up, which to my suspicions means that he doesnt love her either.

I think he is staying for the child as he told me he left me for the sake of his son..

I just hope they are not happy, i would HATE for anything for this to be a happy ending for both of them. I cannot believe he treats women like this...Any input guys, i'm sorry i keep going on I'm just frustrated

How he is treating you says everything him and nothing about you. He's a liar and a cheater and a manipulator so everything he says or does is suspect at this point.

there's an old expression that goes: 'if you lie down with dogs you get fleas.' This guy is a dog, and he's given you a bad case of fleas with all this drama. The best way to get past this is to recognize he's a dog, and keep him far far away from you.

And i doubt he feels bad or guilty. He was just doing what he wanted to do (banging multiple women) and not thinking about anybody but himself and his own pleasure. He wouldn't have been living a double life to begin with if he felt bad about it. People like this ENJOY putting one over on people, they like their little games and tricking people. It makes them feel smug and superior. Again, this says nothing about you and everything about him and who he is. He's STILL trying to stir up drama and excitement even though you're long gone.

Don't play this game with them! Just cut them both off. You were indeed the innocent party in this if you didn't know what was going on behind the scenes, so don't expose yourself to this any more. Just cut them both off and never have anything to do with them again. This guy doesn't love anybody but himself, and this other woman is now in a sad state being yoked by a child to him (until he strikes up with yet another woman and gets bored with her). And he's NOT staying for the sake of his son, he's probably staying because it is easier/cheaper to live wiht her than pay child support to her. He's entirely self interested and a liar and cheater so don't waste any more thought on him.

 

i was the innocent party in all of this.

I think that the more you keep thinking this, you will just victimize yourself more. Start thinking, what can I do better next time? What signs may I have missed? How can I be positive going forward in my relationships?

The whole situation is driving me nuts, will a relationship like this work out? I think i secretly don't want them to live a happily ever life since what he did to me in all this, and suddenly hes going to be perfect for her?

Do you honestly believe that someone is suddenly going to be "perfect"? It's impossible for anything to be perfect, and nobody changes overnight.

I think you have to stop thinking about them and think more about yourself.