Question for women

Basically since the beginning of our relationship which started in January of this year.. I have spend about $20 000 on her... She got in an accident and lost her job soon after we started dating and is in the process of sueing the company that hit her. She had no money so I paid for it all...her rent bills everything...she bought a new car with my money which I had told her to... She did not like the small single room place I lived and pushed for us to move in together as she lived far out of the city. Anyway soon after we did, it went south, she would sometimes but not always sleep in living room and not be home when I got home from work not all the time but enough to show that things weren't right between us as she wouldn't tell me where or invite me along...these things made me quite upset and I did have the odd temper tantrum. I did forcibly ask her one day over the phone to tell me where and with whom she was with and at that point she said for me to get my own place and I agreed... Over this course as well as after I left and was working, sleeping on my shop couch and looking for a new place; I kept plenty of money in her account, because, well I was working I couldn't be there and wanted her at least to be taken care of because I had the money at the time.. there was always a few thousand available...on the few occasions that she agreed to have coffee, which was usually short I would find afterwards major amounts gone. Like $700 $1000 once $2000. So soon after while I was looking for a place she wouldn't see me at all and told our community whom I would bar tend for that I was harassing her and that I texted her all the time (which I did, as I was very alone... most of my friends were at my old place where I had burned when I had moved out. I was still able to go there but I was merely a guest no longer with a reason to be there.) She would entertain her guest and have all night parties and so on and so on which I was never told about or invited.... Now she says that I need help to be a whole person...she doesn't like the anxiety that I cause by txting her all the time and wants me to stop cause it's stopping her from moving on. Though I'm pretty sure she has a bf just by reading between the lines. so what I'm wondering is how much $ can I ask for back she has kept the Jeep cause she put it in her name when she bought it and has a job for a contractor that she knows. And so far has kept all of the money, as I don't think she has any... Now not including what I had spent out of my pocket (credit cards, cash from the usual stuff like groceries and dimmers out extra etc) what I have actually handed over for her to use without me was about, $16000... at one time she had the bank card of one of my accounts to use freely that had a few thousand in that I just used cause some bills were attached to it.. Until that money was gone... Then I would just put money in her account... So recently after this episode of sleeping in my shop when I finally found a place I ended up having a bit of a melt down and quit my job... It was a great job I had lots of freedom and i made $20 an hour and for a shop was decent enough...as I would picked up the odd bar tending shift also as I said earlier ... but it was a lot for me to handle at the time and I couldn't focus anymore I just needed a break. I know that quitting/ laid off/ fired my job was my fault and i had been thinking of it for a long time anyway...she doesn't want to give my money back or give me or any consideration it seems and it would look bad to her community that she bad mouthed me to if she did anyway... What's a guy to do her community is pretty big and it spans accross the city's entertainment and night life industry.. She does not have anymore access to my accounts... But I'm spending so much time trying to deal with the upset that I seem unable to figure out what to do next. I want to tell her how I feel but I know she doesn't care and so I want to tell her I want my money back.

You were not a bf...you were an ATM.

You will never get the money back as you gave it to her and allowed her to title the car in her name. And I am sure she never signed a loan agreement with you.

Further...you have given her free access to your accounts and credit cards.

You,,sir,,have been taken to the cleaners.

Cancel all cards. Close all bank accounts. NOW.

Have them reorder cards and open new accounts.

Thx for that

I could list of all the money I spent on my girlfriend over the years. It's probably not 20 grand worth but it's a lot to me. And I never expect any of it back because I spent it out of love on good times. To make us both happy. Without a legal contract you can't expect your money back I'm afraid. It seems like she used you

We all assume others have the same values and honesty as we have when we meet someone we really like and so we can get taken advantage of.

Expensive lesson for sure but you need to stop the bleeding right now like mhowe suggests. Once you do that you will see her true nature.

All you can do is hope she pays you back but don't count on it.

The worst part is you can't even write it off on your taxes as a loss!

Lost

it seems like the worse she treated you the more money you threw at her. she played you. there were red flags early on but you kept going. you were paying for everything for her from the start and she had the nerve to complain about where you were living at the time? right there you should have shown her ungrateful butt the door.

i don't think you have a leg to stand on legally. you can ask, but seems to me you already know it's not gonna happen. expensive lesson learned. she told you to go find a new place while you were both living in a place that you were paying for and you didn't tell her to get lost? not all women are like this, i hope you realize that. don't lead with your money. make sure these women really care about you first. i can understand why you would at least try to recoup some of your money but after that i think you should just drop it. also, i think you are right - telling her your feelings would land on deaf ears. if i were you i wouldn't put myself through that kind of torture...but do what you must so you can move forward.

WOW. Are you independently wealthy??? Ummm so you were "together" for 11 months? Bought her a jeep and kept her flush in cash? How old are you exactly? This almost seems like a joke post or something? I've been on several boards for quite a while since my breakup but I've never read something like this. I guess I'll assume this is real...youre not getting a cent back. Hopefully you learned one seriously valuable lesson. Maybe you can sue her for the jeep but it's in her name??? WOW

You make $20 an hour and gave her over $20k....insanity.

is this real?

To be quite honest I was willing to put up the money... Because I had been saving for a really long time and being a miser.. Waiting for a girl like her... I was not a easy person to deal with as I was always whining about how much she spent even though I was always working and she was unable to.. I did not put a lot of trust in her...I guess that's what was paying for...

To be quite honest I was willing to put up the money... Because I had been saving for a really long time and being a miser.. Waiting for a girl like her... I was not a easy person to deal with as I was always whining about how much she spent even though I was always working and she was unable to.. I did not put a lot of trust in her...I guess that's what was paying for...

"unable to work" but could go out and spend your money??