I can't believe what a fool I was

I don't know why this hit me today like this.. Maybe it's the holiday, or maybe I'm just at that point in all of this but either way I need to vent it somewhere.

I realized shortly after finally going no contact that I was strung along after our breakup. That I can live with because she did it for her own selfish reasons and shame on me for allowing it to happen.

The part I'm furious over is now realizing how long she had been lying to me and playing me for a fool before she finally left me. How long she was working up to and building this LDR she is in right now... And as angry as I am at her for it I'm 10 times more angry with myself. I can't figure out if I was that stupid or if I was choosing to not believe it and in denial. Was I that blind or was I just hoping that she wasn't lying to me so that I didn't have to accept it?

Either way, I'm REALLY hoping today isn't one of the days she chooses to text me one of her "I know you don't want to see it talk to me, but ....." messages. So far I believe I've at least recovered some of my dignity in the way I bowed out of all this. But today for whatever reason I can easily picture myself blowing up at her.

It's okay, Con... your venting. This **** happens, all the time

Okay- so you let things go too far, you fell into that trap. Don't get yourself too worked up. Today, you're hurting & ticked off. But, you're working on it.

You did, because you still have those feelings. It is NOT easy to let go!.. I know.

Yes, it's that 'denial' in action and it can take a while before any idea of 'accepting' shows up.

Why don't YOU now start going No contact, so YOU can work on your accepting & healing? Don't let her lead you on anymore.. you need to gain some self respect back and inner strength.

One day at a time.. this is just today. Things will improve, in time.

Think of YOU now. Just take care of you.

tc

Block her number so you don't get that call/text ever!

Your post somehow relates with me...

I too let it go for too long ... Believing in her lies or denying it or just lying to my self ...

I saw it how she was falling in love for an ex-friend but i let it go for too long ...

And i too i'm 10 times mad at my self for not being man enough to just DEAL WITH IT AND MOVE ON.

Dont know why i wanted to fix things even though i know i dont want to.

WHAT really helped me to get at the place i'm now ...( somewhere in the middle of being healed )

WAS ZERO CONTACT ......

2 months so far.

And at least 2 weeks before that of close to zero contact.

Delete / block her number and start working on your self.

Never ever unblock her number

Well today just wasn't my day I guess!!!!

She showed up where I work to "pick something up from her sister". She said hi, I said hi bCk then disappeared until she was gone.. Then the texts started rolling in all of which I ignored... The Happy Thanksgiving, you look great, what time are you working until, have a great holiday, etc....

What is the point to all this.

And yes I know I should block the number but unfortunately I can't do that yet. We still have a vehicle with a joint loan and both names on insurance. Until she buys me out of it I can't block the number.

Just forgive yourself for putting on the blinders, learn from it and for goodness sakes block her so she can't reach you anymore. Time to move on and forget her, to get to the stage of indifference to her so that you don't have anymore days like you're having. Don't let her keep mind-effing you. Put an elastic band around your wrist and when you think about her or the relationship, snap that thing and make yourself consciously change the subject of her to something more rewarding and self-soothing.

It's time.

And yes I know I should block the number but unfortunately I can't do that yet. We still have a vehicle with a joint loan and both names on insurance. Until she buys me out of it I can't block the number.

You can block her. She can reach you when she is willing to buy out the vehicle. Or...write it off as a learning experience and costly at that and separate your insurance.

Tomorrow.

Something that helps me deal with my ex attempting to make contact with me these days is whenever I get a text/voicemail from her, instead of returning her messages I will call a friend and either just talk or make immediate plans to meet up and do something fun. I've noticed that slowly, it is affecting me less and less when her number pops up on my screen. I do my best to make sure I do not focus on her/her attempts to make contact.

Something that helps me deal with my ex attempting to make contact with me these days is whenever I get a text/voicemail from her, instead of returning her messages I will call a friend and either just talk or make immediate plans to meet up and do something fun. I've noticed that slowly, it is affecting me less and less when her number pops up on my screen. I do my best to make sure I do not focus on her/her attempts to make contact.

Why wouldn't you just block and delete her? What are you getting out of her attempts while you ignore? Ego boost? Reassurance that you're still on her mind? Satisfaction of not returning the contact? What?

Excellent idea... I have an iphone so I was able to just go in and block the number... When she needs to get to me about the car she can pop in on me at work just like she did today or send a message through her sister for me.....

Honestly I don't get anything our of it except heartache. Her texting me knowing she is involved in the LDR with the guy in Texas does nothing but hurt.. There is no satisfaction involved because I do still love and miss her.

Or she can block her number and call you .

Trust me ... I still dont think i fully forget my ex.

But ZERO CONTACT has helped me alot.

Block her number so you don't get that call/text ever!

Agree this this completely. Block her number. I know it's hard to do but trust me after two days you'll forget you did it and NC will be your continued path.

She's blocked! I don't know that I'll forget I did it but I don't constantly check my phone now.

I was doing so well up until her little surprise visit yesterday. Now I feel like we broke up all over again.