Finding life quite difficult right now

I ended what seemed to be a flawless time spent with this girl from California. Well technically she ended it, she came over to Ireland to work. The workload she said was very tough and her feelings for me took a drastic turn when she failed her exams, she was devastated. She has to repeat them in two weeks. She said that our time in New York was great, but it was fleeting, short and that she does not have feelings for me in a romantic way, and the ones she may have, they are not strong enough for her to work on. She said that she knows in her heart that I am not the guy for her and she is not the girl for me. She said the things she said to me in bed in NYC were true then but not true now (She said she loved me, wanted me to be her boyfriend, never fallen for a guy so quickly). And that all of this underscores her conviction that we just do not work(she said weeks ago we clicked). That alcohol was the main reason for the physicality we engaged in and that she got swept away (2 glasses of Bailey's??). She said that as a Christian she regrets getting physical to the extent she did with me, and that she does not like to engage in lustful acts. I am so heartbroken. I never fall in love, all I care for is my kickboxing, doing well in college and my social life. I have never fallen in love with someone before, and for her to say that, has lead me into a very low place, I am talking to a counsellor tomorrow and have started on the medication. I never thought any of this would happen because firstly, a woman has never done this to me, she is a good respectable girl who never sleeps around unless she is in a relationship, and two she was the one who was initiating all of the talk and then left me for dead. I do not sleep around because I believe that relationships are far more meaningful and special than one night stands. I'm not some hopeless little dweeb, girls are very interested in me in college, but I would not give them attention because I love this girl. I can't believe that someone I loved as much as her has left me, I did not do anything wrong at all. The sad truth is, I want her back so badly, I will do anything. I can't let her go. Is there any possible way of me winning her back ? She fell for me twice, I feel anything can happen. I love this girl and finding it difficult to let her go. Thanks guys for reading this, any ideas of how to cope with this issue?

Sometimes we fall in love when it's not convenient in our lives. We never choose but it happens when the connection is so strong. Having split up because the other chooses it , leaves you in a world of confusion and pain. Depending on how long you were together could help but it takes two to make it work.

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Portland,

I am sorry to hear you are still hurting so much. Do you think you are in any state to date someone? Her or anyone else?? Did you try to do things for yourself in the last while? Sometimes you meet people with whom you have a codependent relationship. Could this be you? Please look this up. It is very unhealthy and you just end up in a huge downward spiral when the other person doesn't give you what you want. It is so much better to fall in love with someone with whom you area in a normal relationship.

I am sad to hear you are starting medication....Well I guess it is good you are starting counseling but believe me when I say that one day you are going to not give a crap about this girl. So why waste precious time in a miserable state now?

Thank you for the kind words JerzDevi1 ad sadchick83. Yes sadchick83, I've gone back to my training and am exercising everyday after college to try and take my mind off her. I deleted her aswell. I have never taken medication before, I can't believe this is happening to me. This is not me at all. Every one of my friends have said what she did is the worst case of screwing a guy over they have ever heard in their lives. I would love to date someone new but I look around the city and there is no girl that I see that really compares to her.If another girl did this I wouldn't really care, but the fact that we shared SO much, she even started messaging me one night when I was at my apartment in NYC and she was out in a club, that there was some guy trying to get with her, and she was saying he doesnt stand a chance because the only guy she wants is me, I am the only guy that has her heart. She was mine and I was hers. That was the night I brought her up to the roof. Love is blind as they say. This girl is beyond beautiful, the guys still wonder how I got her in the first place. I thought she was so sweet, genuine and real, she was telling everybody about me, messaging me everyday saying that she misses me so much. I would take her back in an instant, but my friends are saying do not go near her, that she is the biggest b*tch going. I do not want to sleep around with hundreds of girls, just the one. The thing is, I do not think I did anything wrong. Or did I, and I just don't know it?

It doesn't matter now, and you probably did nothing wrong at all. You are over analyzing her decision and that's totally normal. Your pain is normal too. Check out link removed and read up on how to heal. This is a very common deal that happens to the best of us, you're not alone in this at all, you'll get through it, it takes time and some work and pain on your part but you'll come out stronger in the end.

I don't know what you mean by "no one compares to her?" She is a manipulator and any woman would be better than her. You may be attracted to her looks, but inside she is rotten. Fall in love with someone's insides.

I totally get the getting medication. It can happen to the best of us when there is an acute situation in our lives and I am glad you are getting help. But, ask your therapist to help you understand why you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. All she is doing is manipulating you. And of course if you are a straight up guy, you cannot even fathom doing this to someone. As a good guy you don't even understand the mind of a manipulator so it is hard for you to understand.

I have a number of years on you my friend, and I will tell you it is much better to fall in love with someone with whom you have a love that grows mutually and is not the crazy, obsessive, got to go on medication type attractions. I am not ridiculing you for going on medication, because that is why you have to do, and I respect that. But considering you only dated her a short while and you are likely going to have many short and long term relationships before you get married, better to learn now codependent relationships do not work.

Again I respect that you are getting help, but you can't go through this very time you meet a girl. Meet one that wont screw you over, and that means falling in love with a good person over anything else.

I understand sadchick83, and I appreciate all of the help you have given me. Thank you very much. What I mean is, I thought she had a very good heart, the real deal, different to other girls. But how quickly she changed is what shocked me. What made her change?? From saying that she loved me, to she does not have feelings for me in a romantic way, and the residual ones are not strong enough to work on, that people change. As soon as that exam came along everything screwed up. It was like talking to another person. She did exactly to me what her boyfriend did to her. I could not imagine doing this to someone. I really need to look into the codependent relationships. She has major trust issues because she got pregnant and lost a baby with a guy she thought she was going to marry, he cheated on her at this time. I was reluctant to say this at all but feel it is important. That event may have moulded her current mindset? I want to meet a great girl.

She is young so will jump in and out of love frequently. Do not blame yourself or take it personally. You could be right about her projecting her anger from her ex on to you, yes that could be true. She could even be bragging to her friends that you are heartbroken over her....Actually has more value in her little mind than being decent and just saying you broke up amicably or that you were/are dating. Forget the exam....That's karma for being a bad person.

You will meet a great girl, and I am glad you are recognizing your current state is not good. I promise you one day you will refer to this woman as "that Biotch."

He's the stage where he wants to make sure he won't regret not pursuing her. Guy to guy , sometimes we believe in so much love it feels impossible to let go. It's that connection the feeling the affection sometimes you will think how can you replace that happiness ? Well buddy there's no easy way to do it . Time will help , distract yourself and open new doors to new things in life. Don't stay down , go out with friends or family whatever you do ... Don't sulk or overthink to much .

( I just got out of relationship too... Can you tell? Lol)

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I am looking forward to that day when I see her as just that sadchick83. Thank you for everything, you have made me see things in a different light. Her friend sent me a message before she did, thinking I was a lovely guy and how much this girl means to me, but it's unfortunate that her feelings changed while mine stayed the same. Says more about the friend than the girl I fell for. I just keep picturing her with other guys and I feel like going crazy and attacking them, it's amazing what damage she has caused. Not cool. It's just a rotten feeling, it is like I was talking to a completely different person the last time I saw her. She says that she has lived and living changes people. What do I do if I see her out some night? Blank her? She has gotten away scot free? Thanks again everyone