Recently single men - what's it like?

What's it really like for men in the weeks following a break-up? There are a lot of myths that fly around - women gorge on ice-cream, men refuse to talk and go on the pull - but I'm trying to get to them bottom of what it's really like.

I'm a writer, and I'm looking for a few recently single men to talk to me about their experiences, whether you've been having casual sex every night or been drowning your sorrows, feel down or feel relieved, wish it wasn't over or are glad it is done, or aren't quite sure how you're feeling yet - please get in touch, I'd love to hear from you.

What's it like?

It's kind of like....

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight

Gonna grab some afternoon delight

My motto's always been, when it's right it's right

Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night!

When everything's a little clearer in the light of dayyyyyyy!

Then we know the night is always gonna be here anywayyyyyyy!

Thinking of you's working up an appetite

Looking forward to a little afternoon delight

Rubbin' sticks and stones together make the sparks ignite

And the thought of rubbin' you is gettin' so excited

Skyyy rocket's in flight! afternoon delight!

Afternoon delight, afternoooooon delight!!!!

It's good, it's bad, it's everything in between. After the initial sadness wears off, you start to climb back into life but it takes time. I just stayed as busy as I could and eventually got to the stage where I actually was enjoying myself. It just takes time.

Sorry but your question makes very little sense which is why I joked about it. Every breakup is different and men and women don't react differently to a breakup because of their genders. Lots of different things come into play such as who broke up with who and if there was cheating involved and lots and lots of different dynamics.

Gender has nothing to do with it or at least very very little. Some people get mortally wounded and some are able to brush themselves off and move forward easily. Some cry and try desperately to get their ex's back until they finally accept it after all of their pride and self worth is trashed, others don't do that at all and move on in a healthy manor. It all depends on how the breakup occurred, what happened, who is the dumper/dumpee, and so on.

So your question "what's it like for guys after a breakup" really makes zero sense. We react like humans. So do you.

Complete depression, confusion and heartache in the best of times, utter hell in the rest.

Depression, self pity, then finding women and getting laid.

Along the way? Better car, new clothes, trips for fun.

No no no it goes like this....

First the male will always slam a bottle of Jameson right after the breakup. Then the usual MO is to make a total ass out of himself in front of his pals at the pub, piss himself, and sneeze/puke at the same time while trying to pick up a chick for the first time in a while. When she throws a drink at him he will usually get angry and call her a flarbing shmarchnichnafff which makes no sense to her, but her tremendous boyfriend will have something to say about it. Which more times than none causes Gigantor to push the broken hearted male, who then return swings at Monstrosity but trips over a lounge chair hitting his own bud in the face in the process....

More pee while on the pub floor. Pants are soaked. Friends won't even help him because of he hit one of them and he stinks like pee. Bouncers angerly dispose of drunk broken hearted piss pants guy out the back door. Pass out behind the left front wheel of a white ghetto van who's driver comes back and robs him of his wallet, phone, and shoes before taking off....

With any luck he will have forgotten about his ex-gf for a while because he really needs to figure out why he is laying in a pool of his own filth in the back of a funeral home (nope, wasn't the pub after all..) on a Tuesday morning without so much as his own shoes to walk home in. Job well done for broken hearted guy. He is now well underway in the male healing process..

See what happens when she's not there "taking care" of the big ape anymore?

We are just so lost and helpless.

Although mine wasn't recent (last March), it mainly started with confusion and loss of direction. There is a sense of serious abadonment which leads into a lot of frustration. The bourbon came off the shelf quite frequently at first. Much like anyone else, you go right to friends for advise and glimmers of moments where you actually aren't thinking of her. The gym was a huge help, but over 6+ months the stages have gone from sadness to anger and now to serious frustration that I just want her memory to go away. It's almost as if my mind won't stop mocking me for being dumped by someone I really cared for and I can't (and haven't) gone one single day without her going through my mind while I know I barely cross hers. I hate that more than anything. Now that I'm over 8 months I feel normal again, but even though I went on a few dates, the whole dating scene sucks and I really don't like having to play the "when to text", "how to initiate", "why you should pull back" bull crap. If I can't find someone I can just be myself with, I'm more than happy single.

Wish I could have drowned a lot of it with sex, but women have that advantage while few men really do. The gym has been a regular routine. If no one is around to go out, I visit different bars on occasion to see if there is one that feels like somewhere I enjoy. I definitely did whatever I could to keep my mind occupied, like working on the car, stuff around the house, volunteering, but it frequently gets shadowed with moments of wishing I wasn't there or wishing she was so we could share it together. Times with my kids have been extremely beneficial and offered times of fun.

And then there are the holidays. Nights without the kids are a stuggle between going to a bar to find someone to talk to, which is a bit boring but sometimes has surprising entertainment, or catching up on shows I enjoy; but there are always those memories which you need get back out of your mind. Did early Christmas shopping, but that thrill is dulled by the fact that I really enjoyed shopping for her (pick any of the last relationships) and right now there is no her to try and wow with something fun or flashy. Tried to cuff this holiday using dating sites, but that hans't panned out and I seem to lack the focus of trying to constantly modify my profile with better info, pictures.

I don't mean to sound lonely and depressed, because I'm not, but that is the routine I have for now. Other than work, anything is game; however, finding what the anything really is, is part of the struggle. I don't want her back, but I seem to struggle with the memory of who I thought she was. Also, I get pangs of wishing she would make contact so I can elevate my self esteem by completely ignoring her. I don't hate her, but I really hope I never hear her voice or see her face again. I wanted her to be the one.

"Wish I could have drowned a lot of it with sex, but women have that advantage while few men really do."

- Nah, I think, again it's not gender specific. I fell apart, after 2 break ups. Did NOT venture out for sex. Instead I laid back and took care of my hurting self for almost a year, afterwards.

I think, as long as these partner's had any 'feelings', they'll both hurt/ feel some emotions for a while.

JamesDE hit the nail on the head. It's been about 5 months for me and I feel like I am at the end of the anger stage. The worst is when I'm driving, in traffic, and the thought of her doing what she did pops into my mind. There have been a few times where I felt like flooring my truck into the car in front of me. It is a different kind of anger...worst part is there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, and you must remember to not let your emotions get the best of you.

I also thought she was the one, so I secretly wish she would contact me so I would have the upper hand. Then I remember that I wouldn't gain anything from that situation. I want her to come back, but I would never take her back. I hate her for lying to me, and ruining me emotionally during a very important stage of my life.

Dating is horrible...especially when you work in a male dominated industry, and the only women around want to use you for drinks and bail on you later. Luckily I have had some great friends help me through, and I found an awesome volunteering job as a coach. I've been able to stay busy in between learning new things, work, working out, and volunteering. I'm MUCH better than I was 5 months ago, but I still think about her every day.

Similar story as another one on here..broke up March 2, wife of 24 years left me. She quickly hooked up with someone that we know (my daughters boyfriends father) which really was a punch in the gut. Almost 9 months later I'm still struggling. I was in false hope mode for far too long as I didn't learn about the new guy until August. That news really set me back, screwed up my sobriety and focus. My big problem is I've just recently went hardcore no contact. Our daughter lives with me and is a senior in high school. My ultimate goal is to not talk to her anymore at all unless I'm healed more than I am now. I've been struggling with booze but am refocusing on stopping it again. I went 6 months stone cold sober and blew it when I got the truth.

Sorry to hear that kbbcoop.

My story is similar to yours ... A bit similar .. I was destroyed but getting better everyday...

Havent been doing everything in my power to get better due to many things.

I need to overcome one problem at the time.

Had too many problems since the separation.

And i'm going critical with the NC she sended me to jail ( for breaking in my own house ) technically i never broke in since the back door was open ..

And its my house.

The thing i realized was I'm on the way beetween her and this other guy .... So she caused me so many problems .....

Now i know i cant talk to her again ... For at least 2 more years .

IM THE FATHER OF OUR 3 childs and treated her with respect .

I deserve to be treated with respect ....

5 days recent, well first emotion Ffffffuuuuuuccckkk!?

I've been here before so I knew how to cope. I then surrounded my self with my bros n friends. Dusted off the Xbox busted out some sad depressing songs and then it messed up the Xbox vibe so I turned to rock. I've been keep as busy as possible and try not to think about. Night #3 was horrible I found I had a half bottle of jack. Luckily in my drunken slur i hid my phone from myself as not make drunken mistakes. So what happened !? Everyone showed up at my damn house... Family friends and yup so did my ex . As if everyone planned a party without my knowledge to celebrate my amazing sorrows. But I digress .. And now almost in day 6 I still feel like crap and want to surround myself in new women but I'm trying to go for a new thing and try get my together before anything. So I plan to stay busy , get back in the gym, never stay in the house unless to sleep or cook, make plans and never feel bad

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