Really need advice

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety nearly five years ago. It has been a very tough, emotional roller coaster made worse by the emotional (and on very rare occasions physical) abuse that my parents inflict on me. It has caused serious trust issues- I don't trust many people unless I feel that I can and throughout my life I have always gotten it wrong. The only people I had in my life until April have been my Grandparents and now they are gone I feel I have nobody at all apart from a few acquaintances and a friend who has moved to France for 5 months.

About six months ago my parents decided to stop paying for my therapy and that it was time to move on with my life. I've coped OK since, and I even decided to get my first job volunteering and this is where the current problem has begun.

About six weeks ago a new manager started at the company i'm working for an we hit it off instantly and I felt very confident around her. She (not I, even though I do think of her as one) has described me as a friend and when i've been feeling OK at work we have a good time and spend a few hours a day working alone with each other with running up and down doing various things.

I came into work 4/5 weeks ago after a particularly bad night with my parents. I ended up breaking down in front of my manager in tears at work. She gave me a hug and that was that- I got on with my day.

Anyway I was OK for a few weeks and we had been getting on great- to the extent that she has suggested I move shops with her when she eventually moves (bit of an unknown as to when at the moment...) which obviously gave me a huge confidence boost. Last Thursday night I again had a bad night with my parents and while nobody knows this it involved physical violence (i'm OK, just shaken up and a bit of a bruise and sore back) and things got on top of me last Friday and again ended up getting upset and things have come spilling out- my mother controlling my medication being one of them. It doesn't help that the friend I mentioned before jetted off last weekend and didn't tell me she was going to until the last minute.

Since the things haven't really been the same. Around other people I feel like I get the cold shoulder and while she has said to me she thinks people like to be left alone when they are upset- I really don't. When we are alone it can be OK but again I feel like it's awkward, i've overstepped the mark and ruined an opportunity to move on with my life. She has said she is there for me when she needs to chat, and she will let me take her aside and have a cry and a hug but I honestly can't tell if it's for the sake of doing it or because she cares. She seems really uncomfortable and awkward around me a lot of the time now- but I do still get hugs, she let me stay late with her last Monday and has said if I need to talk I just have to ask.

Thursday someone else I work with came upstairs because I was upset and I honestly don't know if my manager had sent her up because she was sick of me or again because this other person was genuinely concerned.

Something went wrong at work yesterday as well and while I haven't done anything wrong to purposely make it happen- I do feel judged. I got upset today and was kinda swept under the carpet if that makes sense. I had to leave and will hopefully be able to face going back when my Manager is back at the end of the week. I just didn't feel comfortable without her there.

I feel like all i've done this week at work is cry, cry and cry some more. It must be irritating people even if they say it isn't.

I know part of me is getting wound up about her leaving and whether or not she really wants me to come with her. I've tried bringing it up with her and she says "whatever you want to do" but then keeps finding reasons that may convince me to stay put.

I know I'm being a bit of a nut job- but this is the first adult that has treated me with respect for a very long time and I'm just so used to being let down.

I don't know what to do. I get upset in work because of what's going on plus by the fact I know she could be leaving any day and I just can't help it.

I was thinking of writing her a letter basically explaining what this thread says and asking her to contact me if she wants me to come back on the promise she understands what is going on.

Or do I admit to myself this isn't at all normal, need to get a hold of myself and quit and move on? It's a voluntary job so there's no financial aspect