So my gf of two years broke up with me...

and it shocked and devastated me. When I asked her why, she told me it was because her feelings changed and it had nothing to do with my actions. My exgf was always telling me how much she loved me, how lucky she was to have me, etc. We had a serious relationship where we were constantly visiting each other's families, our families were visiting each other, and we had talks and plans on marriage. I feel like she faked the relationship for two years... I feel so used. I don't know what to do in terms of trying to get her back. Any ideas?

This is always a heart breaking story to hear, so I'm sorry you're going through this.

We as humans try to make sense of everything. We feel like if somebody's feelings changed then they were invalid somehow but that's not always the case. My guess is there's more to her story that she either hasn't told you or you haven't shared.

Telling you she loves you all the time isn't the same as showing it, so ask yourself if she was actively nourishing the relationship the past few months of if she was just cruising along with you.

My go to advice for anybody after a breakup is to get busy. Go out with friends or go out yourself and do something you enjoy doing. The more stagnant you are, the longer it'll take to ease your pain.

Time is on your side, and time will heal your open wounds I promise you.

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without."

- Anthony Hopkins as Bill Parrish in Meet Joe Black

Yes, she was always showing it. She's always hugging and kissing me, and whispering in my ear how much she loved me. Always excited to see me. Always wants to be near me, holding my hand, etc. No one can say and act those things out then then all of a sudden decide her feelings changed. I've read that the honeymoon period usually lasts like 2 years... which is exactly where we are at. Maybe she thinks this means she doesn't love me as much? Maybe she just wants constant butterflies?

We've had our fair share of fights and arguments. Maybe she couldn't get over them? I've never hit her or screamed at her, cheated on her or nothing. Almost all our fights are stupid and usually come from misunderstandings.

Just because she stopped loving you doesn't mean she didn't once love you. Breaking up doesn't negate the past....only the future.

Just because she stopped loving you doesn't mean she didn't once love you. Breaking up doesn't negate the past....only the future.

Then it must have been superficial love. I don't think its possible to just stop loving someone the way she loved me.

"Our fair share of fights"....takes its toll. I have been with my bf and can count on one hand how many fights we have had. Constant miscommunication is a sign of poor communication skills and basic incompatibilty.

"Our fair share of fights"....takes its toll. I have been with my bf and can count on one hand how many fights we have had. Constant miscommunication is a sign of poor communication skills and basic incompatibilty.

Its not like we fight everyday. But its normal for people to have disagreements or misunderstandings about things. I'm the type that likes to communicate and talk things out when there is some disagreement. I don't think its realistic to think there will be no conflicts in a relationship.

If it was the arguments, then she wouldn't have said that it had nothing to do with my actions.

I feel like she faked the relationship for two years... I feel so used. I don't know what to do in terms of trying to get her back. Any ideas?

If this is how you feel, then why want her back?

Clearly, you are more attached to her than she was to you.

I'm sorry you got dumped, but better now than when more fully enmeshed in each other's lives than now.

Then it must have been superficial love. I don't think its possible to just stop loving someone the way she loved me.

This completely contradicts your feelings about it in post #3.

Its not like we fight everyday. But its normal for people to have disagreements or misunderstandings about things. I'm the type that likes to communicate and talk things out when there is some disagreement. I don't think its realistic to think there will be no conflicts in a relationship.

I didn't say "fight every day" nor there would be no conflicts. I used your phrase..."our.fair share of fights". That doeant sound as though they are infrequent.

If this is how you feel, then why want her back?

 

Clearly, you are more attached to her than she was to you.

 

I'm sorry you got dumped, but better now than when more fully enmeshed in each other's lives than now.

I don't think its necessarily how I feel, I think its more like that is the only explanation I could come up with.

If it was the arguments, then she wouldn't have said that it had nothing to do with my actions.

When people break up, they generally don't give the real reason. Do you suspect there is someone else?

This completely contradicts your feelings about it in post #3.

Of course it contradicts what I said before. She was clearly showing me love for two years but said her feelings changed. I can't think of any other reason for it to "change" other than faked it.

Feelings CAN and DO change. Hence the divorce statistics.

I didn't say "fight every day" nor there would be no conflicts. I used your phrase..."our.fair share of fights". That doeant sound as though they are infrequent.

What I meant to say with that statement is that we've argued what I think is a "healthy" amount. But we've never made it dirty. We've always resolved them.

When people break up, they generally don't give the real reason. Do you suspect there is someone else?

I've asked her.. and apparently other people have asked her and she says no.

If other people are asking as well...hmmmm...it could be true. Time will tell.

Feelings CAN and DO change. Hence the divorce statistics.

I think "feelings" change all the time. The honeymoon, puppy-love, feelings sane over time and they are replaced with something else... there is a bonding that happens by then. I've had friends who broke up because the butterflies are gone after a couple of years. But love and friendship is more than just butterflies.

If other people are asking as well...hmmmm...it could be true. Time will tell.

Yeah time will tell. At this point, what should I be doing? Should I be trying to talk to her? try to work it out? Or just let her be? Maybe her time alone from me would allow her to think and maybe get her to see what we had. Maybe we just needed a break from each other?

I think that is a good strategy.

I think that is a good strategy.

Which one? I mentioned a few things that are a bit opposites of each other.

If she wanted to work it out and talk things over, she had that option as well. Leave her alone. She made a choice without input from you. Choices have consequences... She now must find out what life without you in it feels like.

If she wanted to work it out and talk things over, she had that option as well. Leave her alone. She made a choice without input from you. Choices have consequences... She now must find out what life without you in it feels like.

Thank you. I have treated her very well and I have always been there for her and her family whenever they needed me.... for everything. If she's not mature enough to realize that and is willing to through all that stuff away because of stupid butterflies then goodluck to her! She has my phone number and she can call me if she changes her mind.

It is easier said than done but you seem to have a handle on it.