Jump to content

How do I get over him?


Recommended Posts

We were on/off for 4 years. We tried to be friends but he flipped out but now I can't get over it.

 

I don't think I even want him back. I just want him in my life. I feel like I'm dying inside.

 

How do I get over this? I feel like I'm never going to love anyone again, and no one is ever going to love me. I'm 32..I'm so old..I want a family so badly but I feel like it's never going to happen.

 

I'm so sad. I feel like I will never get over this.

Link to comment

You may feel that way, but it's not true. Why did you breakup?

 

You don't think you want him back, but you also feel you may never get over this. Something bad happened if you don't think you want him back.

 

I'll tell you what I did - I set out to make my ex eat his heart out. I meant to reinvent myself and became the woman of his wet dreams. (Only after crying every day for two years, like an idiot.) I just realized that what I was doing wasn't working, so I decided to do things differently. I exercised and ate right, getting into the best shape of my life. I bought a whole new wardrobe, cut my hair, and put in a bold platinum chunk. I took cello lessons, volunteered in my community, joined a film club, travelled, and threw myself into my job. I did affirmations every day before bed. Instead of finding excuses to contact my ex, I found reasons to not see him (though I never went full NC - we had kids and a house together). I wrote out a list of all the mannerisms of his that drove me insane and all the mean, ugly, stupid things he said and did while we were together. I finally started to wonder why I would have ever cried over the loss of a lying, cheating scoundrel (who asked me to give a friend of his a BJ!)

 

And, yes, a few months after my commitment to himself, he was re-attracted. But I was pretty much over him by then. I was enjoying my life to the fullest.

 

Eventually, I met someone special. Someone amazing.

 

The moral of this story is: The sooner you get down to the business of getting past this pain and letting go, the sooner you'll be open to meeting the right guy. So, get to work, girl!

 

Right now, at this very moment, there's a guy somewhere thinking about a girl he doesn't know. He doesn't know if he's going to meet her at work or in the building he lives in, online or through friends, he just knows he's going to meet her. There'll be little things that drive him crazy. He thinks about how he'll make breakfast on Sunday mornings and they'll do the crossword puzzle together. She'll scratch his back and he'll rub her feet. They won't like the same kind of movies, so they'll take turns picking what they'll watch and he won't complain about the rom coms she chooses because he secretly likes them, too. He knows she won't be perfect, but she'll be perfect for him.

 

He's thinking about you, Emmanemme. Honey, get your head out of your bum so he'll recognize it's you when he sees you.

Link to comment

I'm sorry your going through this. It's horrible.

 

You will get through it though. It's hard to comment as you dont mention how long it's been and is it completely over ? Maybe tell us a bit more.

 

It takes a alot of time and effort. I'm not over it but I know I have come a long way and at least I believe I will be over it one day. The period you seem to be in is the worst. Try and distract yourself for a while at least. Do anything that will stop the constant circle of thoughts. even if its just for a while to give you a rest. make sure to eat, sleep, exersice and get a routine in place. Find someone to talk to.

 

If you really want to get over him then do not contact him, ignore his attempts at contact, go 100% No contact and after some time you will get yourself out of this. Its only after I done this did I very slowly remember myself and that I did not exist to be consumed by someone else. You are your own person.

Link to comment

Thanks Autumn..what a great response.

 

It's complicated. We were together for 2 years...living together/ring shopping/etc. Then he dumped me with no warning, telling me that he didn't think he ever wanted to get married or have kids (not just with me, but with anyone), but he still loved me. We ran into each other 3 weeks later and we'd missed each other, so I stupidly agreed to start seeing him and take it slow. He would periodically flip out and dump me, or act cold and hope that I'd dump him. This went on for 2 years. The last time he dumped me, he told me he hated me (no reason..he just hates me). I think he's got BPD/NPD.

 

I'm not even in love with him anymore..he was awful to me for the last year. He tortured me emotionally, and he did it on purpose. I could feel him losing more and more interest every time we broke up and got back together but for some stupid reason, I didn't believe I'd ever do any better than him and I kept going back.

 

My mother was single and mentally ill, which made her abusive (not on purpose), and I have no siblings, so it was just my mom and I when I was growing up. She died 8 years ago. The rest of my family has basically abandoned me (and I live accross the country from them anyway) so I always feel very alone..he was the only person who ever made me feel loved, so no matter how awful he was, I was always able to sweep it under the rug and hope that the old version of him would come back.

 

The last break up was about 6 weeks ago. I owe him some money so I can't go completely no contact, but when I do, he either ignores me or he's icy cold and nasty. I don't know why he hates me so much. I haven't done anything to him.

 

I don't want him back, but I hate that he hates me so much, and I feel like I'm never going to meet anyone else.

 

Thanks everyone for your kind replies. I know I sound pathetic..

Link to comment

It's not pathetic, I have a great life and I still felt all those emotions. Still do. I believed I would never have that connection again but I have accepted that might be the case. It might also not be the case and I might meet someone who cares about me and values me. Enjoy your life as best you can cause its such a fragile thing.

 

You can go NC though. Just wire him the money when you are paying him back. No need for anymore contact than dealing with that. Trust me and everyone else on here, it will work. It takes a long time but you will start to feel better if you stay away from him.

 

It sounds like a terrible relationship to be in from the start so as soon as you purge it from your system you will be so much happier. You dont need him or anyone else to complete you. Start to learn to make yourself happy. i was the same, I spent 90% of my life trying to gain acceptance and love from my ex when we were together because I loved her deeply. Thats not anyway to live. You should feel loved not worried if he loves you or when you will get dumped again. i can relate to all that you said. It bothers me that my ex acts like she hates as I truly loved her and would have done anything for her. We cant control other peoples feelings and if thats how they feel or want to act then let them. Sooner you let it all go the sooner it's not an issue anymore. Really difficult but it's possible.

Link to comment

I promise you will feel better eventually. I felt the same emotions..I said to my mum that's it no one will ever love me I'm too old..I'm 35..was with my ex for 14 years...he was great at first then last year started becoming violent..personally I think he was seeing someone else..oh and he got married 6months after we split...just found that out tonight..yay..not

 

I had to start with loving myself and being comfortable in my own skin and in my own company.after about 6months I felt like I should try a date or two..second lad I chatted to I met and we have clicked and been together almost 5 months. There is no better feeling than falling in love and I promise it will happen to you...believe in yourself and it will come x

Link to comment

I'm so sorry ilomarley. That is wretched. I'm so glad you found someone else. Are you doing ok? Does your bf know what you found out tonight?

 

Mine got me pregnant and then blackmailed me into getting rid of the baby when I didn't want to, and then he dumped me 4 days after the surgery. Since the pregnancy and the depression of the final break up, I have gained 30lbs that I cannot seem to lose no matter what I do. I'm tall so I'm not huge but I used to have a really nice body and now I'm doughy and nasty. I used to be pretty and now I look and feel disgusting, and I'm a pathetic mess on top of that. I am not lovable.

Link to comment

I texted my boyfriend last night to tell him.he replied he's gonna finish work early to come see me.he told me to not dwell cos he's my future now...true x

Oh my days you've had it rough ...what a idiot your ex was and how vile to blackmail you.

No wonder you feel so low, your also grieving for the baby.xx

stop beating yourself up right now.you need to change your perspective and start to rebuild yourself.start by trying to lose the weight.I lost 28 lbs after I split with the idiot..I was the other way.. I needed to lose it maybe that's why my ex treated me like he did who knows...but I feel so much better in myself for doing it.

It will help your confidence which sounds shot...you need to love yourself before someone else does x x x

Link to comment

Thank you so much for your lovely reply..it makes me feel a lot better. I'm so glad things have worked out for you the way they have.

 

I'm 32 and I'm dying for a family..I want babies so badly. I'm scared I won't meet someone in time. Do you have/want kids?

 

I am grieving my baby. It would be 4 months old now. I hate him for making me do that..I will never forgive him. I wanted that baby so badly.

Link to comment

I think he has Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as partial Narcissistic Personality Disorder and possibly low grade Aspergers. He has panic attacks and he's on 6 different anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications which he regulates himself. He also takes medicine for baldness..he's starting to lose his hair. That's a lot of meds...they're from a couple different doctors.

 

He was great at first but he became worse and worse over time and I ignored all the red flags because it all happened so slowly that I was able to justify all of it as it happened.

 

He was horrible to me in the end. So why do I miss him so much? I keep trying to tell myself that I don't want him back but I think sometimes that I might be lying to myself.

 

His family keeps in touch with me. They wanted us to be together so badly. I don't think they know what he's really like. I used to go home with him for Christmas and this year I'll be alone..his mom still wants me to come. I don't have any family of my own..my mom is dead and the rest of them aren't very nice people, and they live too far away anyway. I miss them and I miss him.

Link to comment
Thank you so much for your lovely reply..it makes me feel a lot better. I'm so glad things have worked out for you the way they have.

 

I'm 32 and I'm dying for a family..I want babies so badly. I'm scared I won't meet someone in time. Do you have/want kids?

 

I am grieving my baby. It would be 4 months old now. I hate him for making me do that..I will never forgive him. I wanted that baby so badly.

 

I am very sorry for your loss. I would strongly advise you to try to focus on healing. I think therapy and connecting with friends would be best for you. Trying to diagnose him does you no good and doesn't let you focus on what you should focus on ... you and becoming a whole and happy person.

Link to comment
I am very sorry for your loss. I would strongly advise you to try to focus on healing. I think therapy and connecting with friends would be best for you. Trying to diagnose him does you no good and doesn't let you focus on what you should focus on ... you and becoming a whole and happy person.

 

Thanks Ms Darcy. I am in therapy..my therapist is the one who told me all of that (based on my descriptions of him).

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

I'm so very sorry. I understand loving someone who was so bad to you. It's been almost 8 months since I left my ex and I still cry and want to go back. It does get easier though. I'm also grieving for a lost baby (my ex treated me like crap while I was pregnant and then I lost it at 12 weeks... Makes me wonder if it was because of stress). My baby would be 4 months old as well. I still mourn that baby and wonder if it would have made things better. But in reality I know that that is definitely not true. Idk why you can't get over him because idk why I can't get over my own ex. It does get easier though. His family loved me but I had to cut all contact with them as well for my own healing. I know it's tough but maybe you should do that too?

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...