Staying strong with NC

Ok- after bellyaching for a week on here I'm ready to get serious about no contact. Everyone seems to be in agreement that this is what I need to do.

I am going to accept that I have no control over his choice to come back or carry on with his new GF.

I told him to not contact me unless he has made up his mind. I am not going to contact him.

Fingers crossed.

It really does work on many levels. It takes time but focus on you and let the future take care of itself.

The longer you stay NC, the more you will resent your own willingness to be second best to him and you won't want him back. Stay strong, he is not the story you want for how you fell in love.

I'll back up the theory. NC works. It's really tough at the start then you start to realise that you deserve so much better. They fall off their pedestal and eventually the person you were besotted with starts to look ike Sloth from the Goonies. Your self respect will come back and then you'll start feeling like it's old news. You've changed so much to a better person you wouldn't want to go back there. Stay strong, take the power back and let them go. Really let them go. You shouldn't have to wonder if your partner loves you or be made to wonder if your good enough for them. You deserve to be loved like you loved them.

Good, glad you're taking control and getting some power back

Good, glad you're taking control and getting some power back

 

I don't know if that's sarcasm or not but you'll see from my thread I have my own issues going on but I know they'd be a lot worse if I hadn't drawn a line and set some boundaries. If there is someone else involved that would be enough for me. Dead874 you not agree ?

I don't know if that's sarcasm or not but you'll see from my thread I have my own issues going on but I know they'd be a lot worse if I hadn't drawn a line and set some boundaries. If there is someone else involved that would be enough for me. Dead874 you not agree ?

Im not sure i understand what you mean mate, sarcasm about what? I recommended the OP to make a thread about going NC

Thanks Dead. I appreciate the support.

Ok- so he just called again?! What the hell?

I have tickets to a concert tonight. None of my friends are able to join me so I'm going to go by myself because I refuse to miss out on something I love.

He said he would go with me but I said no thank you. I said it's not fair to anyone, not me, not her, not anyone. He said ok. He keeps asking me if I'm taking a date. I said no but why doesn't it matter?

I reiterated that I don't want him to contact me unless he has something different to say. He agreed. Said he was sorry for bothering me.

Ugh! I keep answering his call because I think he's finally made up his mind! Damn!!

Ok- trying to be strong!

Im not sure i understand what you mean mate, sarcasm about what? I recommended the OP to make a thread about going NC

I wasn't sure if you were being sarcastic. My bad Dead mate apologies. If your glad for me thanks. I'd reply appreciate if you read my thread cause any input for anyone else would help so much.

Can I be honest and say your not being strong. Your still answering calls and still talking to him. If he said jump you'd ask how high. Stop it now. Block his number. Delete all contact to him. Until you do you are just kidding yourself on. I know the feelin of it might be ok just to .....

And the thought of spending time with them would be amazing. It wouldn't it would just be pain. Why are you expecting him to make a decision ? You make the decision. He's playing you like a fool. As soon as it dosent work out you'll be there begging for some.

Enjoy the gig

Ok- so he just called again?! What the hell?

 

I have tickets to a concert tonight. None of my friends are able to join me so I'm going to go by myself because I refuse to miss out on something I love.

 

He said he would go with me but I said no thank you. I said it's not fair to anyone, not me, not her, not anyone. He said ok. He keeps asking me if I'm taking a date. I said no but why doesn't it matter?

 

I reiterated that I don't want him to contact me unless he has something different to say. He agreed. Said he was sorry for bothering me.

 

Ugh! I keep answering his call because I think he's finally made up his mind! Damn!!

 

Ok- trying to be strong!

block his number!! if he's THAT serious about coming back to you, he will find a way.

NC Worked for me, and came back stronger and more enlightened!

Just as Obi-wan said, if I maintain no contact, I will become more powerful than you will possibly imagine

EDIT: He's calling you to make sure you still answer and think about him! Basically you're stroking his ego, he gets a SNAG insecure and thinks AAWWW CRAP I wonder if that girl still likes me *RING RING* "blah blah blah" *awwwww yeah that ego boost feels great* "blah blah blah, ok bye"

Take back the power, either block his # or don't answer

You are right. He feels ok thinking I'm still here.

I told him not to contact me. If he calls again I will let it go to voicemail. If he really has anything new to say he can with leaving a message that convinced me of that. Otherwise, not going to answer a call or text.

Easy to say now, I know.

But every journey begins with the first step and this is mine.

I wasn't sure if you were being sarcastic. My bad Dead mate apologies. If your glad for me thanks. I'd reply appreciate if you read my thread cause any input for anyone else would help so much.

Yeah no problem man, i liked the post cause was good advice, ill read your thread too

You are right. He feels ok thinking I'm still here.

 

I told him not to contact me. If he calls again I will let it go to voicemail. If he really has anything new to say he can with leaving a message that convinced me of that. Otherwise, not going to answer a call or text.

You know i thought he might just call and ramble again i don't think he respects you at all tbh. But you have the right idea, let it go to voicemail that way you know and good for you, seems you're being strong here

It's hard!! God, it's hard!

Thanks for your support!

Ok- first full day going NC.

Boy- breaking habits is hard. We usually talk on my way to work in the AM. We didn't.

We usually have tea together in the afternoon on my break. We won't.

I guess I'll feel both better and worse as time goes on. Better because I'll get stronger and gain perspective but worse because my hope will fade and I will have to accept that he made his choice.

Onward and upwards!

The first week is the hardest from my experience. Just try to enjoy life, being alive and healthy things could be much worse at the end of the day think of things you are grateful in life through out the day and how awseome and stronger you are becoming

Yes- I need to focus on being grateful. I need to continue to do things that make me happy.

It really is moment to moment sometimes.

Gratitude. Now that is something worth focusing my energy on.

Thanks, Dead

Ok- it's the end of the first full day.

I keep checking my phone- hoping he'll call and say he finally made up his mind and he wants to try with me.

Stupid I know.

He's strung me along for 2 weeks now. No decision IS the decision. He hasn't chosen me.

Ugh!

I'm trying to stay strong.

I know I have no reason to call him. What would I say? I've said it all.

I have to accept that no final outward, spoken stance is his way of just letting it fade away. It's easier for him, I suppose.

He feels like he's leaving the door open I suppose. At what point does that door really close? How do I close it? Time?

I am working on myself. I'm in therapy, exercising, spending time with friends, going out, etc.

Please tell me this gets easier!!

Ok- it's the end of the first full day.

 

I keep checking my phone- hoping he'll call and say he finally made up his mind and he wants to try with me.

 

Stupid I know.

 

He's strung me along for 2 weeks now. No decision IS the decision. He hasn't chosen me.

 

Ugh!

 

I'm trying to stay strong.

 

I know I have no reason to call him. What would I say? I've said it all.

 

I have to accept that no final outward, spoken stance is his way of just letting it fade away. It's easier for him, I suppose.

 

He feels like he's leaving the door open I suppose. At what point does that door really close? How do I close it? Time?

 

I am working on myself. I'm in therapy, exercising, spending time with friends, going out, etc.

 

Please tell me this gets easier!!

aaah the leaving the door open drives me crazy. like they think they can come and go as they please. It's going to take time to fully close the door and keep it shut.

I've been restraining myself from contacting him to tell him i know he lied about losing his job. My friend said to let it go....he knows he lied and doesn't care. It just irritates me that he thinks he got away with it.

itll get easier for sure with time. It's rough when its fresh. Just keep doing you!

Ok- it's the end of the first full day.

 

I keep checking my phone- hoping he'll call and say he finally made up his mind and he wants to try with me.

 

Stupid I know.

/QUOTE]

 

I have been there, and I can tell you what helped me tremendously in the beginning of no contact/moving on/trying to forget etc. Was blocking their phone. That way if they weren't contacting me it wouldnt drive me nuts because they could have been and I didnt know, and if they were contacting me I didnt know but by the time I unblocked I was at a point of moving on. Helps in the initial urges/wanting to hear from them. Helps you focus on other things, your life and moving forward, not getting upset because they havent called. Trust me, it brings a bit of control and peace of mind. You can do it through your phone carrier, block calls and texts. Outgoing/incoming.

Sounds nuts yes, but helped me move through the initial loneliness/yearning/expecting a call or contacting when I felt desperate.

Good luck.stay strong and focus on what you truly want for yourself and I promise moving on gets easier.

Ok - so he called on my way to work. Haven't spoken to him since Monday afternoon.

At that time he said he would not call unless he's made up his mind. This is what I asked of him.

So when he called today I was hopeful.

But no- he just wanted to rehash, tell me again he is upset for me breaking things off. Yes- I did, but because he was awful to me. We were in a downward spiral and not good for each other. It was needed.

Anyway- he is angry about that still.

I've forgiven him and myself for most of our bad stuff. I'm focusing on the good.

I guess once he realized I really left- he turned it all around in his head and I am the bad guy. Me alone.

So he is stuck. He says he loves me but doesn't want to go back to what it was. Me neither. But I think we are in much better places now. He is 9 months sober now too.

Anyway-

I'm pissed that he called me this morning before work just because he woke up missing me. He still isn't choosing me. Just missing me.

It's so not fair!!

Help!!

You are right --- "missing" isn't choosing.

My bf and I broke up a few years ago. He came over to talk, wanted to get back together. I asked "why?".

Him: "because I miss you".

And I told him ---- if that is it, it isn't enough. I miss you too. But I don't want what we had because it was broken. Unless you are "all in" and want to address

the issues, then no. The "missing you" will pass.