Long Distance Breakup Hell

Hi Guys,

I had been in a long distance (online) relationship with my now ex-gf for about two years. During that time she used to do things that would mentally torture me like:

- Flirt openly with other guys in chat rooms while I was there, even going as far as saying things like "you keep me warm in my bed" etc... when I questioned about it she said it's all "joking" so I let it pass. I told her it hurt me but she said I was being silly and carried on anyway but if ever I did it it was wrong.

- I would create graphics/cards for her on valentines day etc... and she would say "oh I love it BUT I don't like the color, could you change it?", nothing I ever did for her was good enough.

- She used to get overly angry over really small silly stuff and said she would like to beat me because she was so angry.

- Was very controlling, if she didn't like someone then that meant I was not to speak to them etc... she also put out a "persona" online of being very friendly and nice so nobody would believe me if she did something wrong, I would always be the bad guy...

Despite all of the above I loved her so much that I would let it all go even though it hurt me inside, she always made me feel small and in-secure. Anyway a month or so ago she told me she didn't love me anymore and met a school-friend where she lived and had "butterflies" in her belly, she was seeing him not even a week or so after we broke up. I was devastated and for a week or two after I was ill with it all. Then out of the blue she sends me an e-mail saying that he was an a**hole and she would like us to remain friends.

At first I thought I could be friends with her but I just can't do it, how can you really be "just" friends with someone you still totally love? I told her I needed space to get over her and let my heart heal but it seems she won't give that to me, still leaving me messages on facebook, still wanting me to talk on skype and see her in her streaming channel etc... but everything now just hurts and I'm tired. I closed my fb account down and blocked her from sending me e-mails but I just miss her so much I feel as if I wan't to die to stop the pain. I feel inside she was no good to or for me but yet I still love her. I did not see her hardly use her facebook last week or go in her online streaming channel which is unusual for her so I also think she might be talking or seeing someone else again.

If anyone has been through a similar situation and tell me how they got through it, or anyone with advice I would appreciate it. My mind is just racing and my heart is broken right now I don't know what to do with myself.

-thank you

Antoni.

Have you ever met this person in real life?

No, I got to know her through her online streaming channel where she is on cam and starting talking and getting to know each other etc... we have talked for hours and hours daily on skype and seen each other on cam etc... I had plans to go and see her, she lives in germany and I am in the UK so it's not that expensive.

Hi i am sorry to hear that and I have been in the same situation and it was difficult and just have been moving on.

My story was that i knew him like for 3 years and I moved to US and still then we dated and after i found he was having two relation with me and some other girl.

It made me mad and i was over it. i didnot want to be in that kind of relation. I did not want those guys who filrt with everyone.and doesnot have respect for girls.

Usually "cam people" with streaming channels often have several on going "online relationships." They are filling voids with incredible amounts of attention seeking, I don't think you lost much from your breakup. It still hurts, but you should see why you are seeking out virtual relationships without meeting them in person, I find that way you can make sure the personal isn't dysfunctional (such as this one was)

you need to learn how to respect yourself first. Any self respecting person would not put up with such behavior. Also, try to seek out a real relationship with someone in person. You never really get to know the person or how they come accross if it is always virtual. But first, learn to gain self respect...otherwise no one will ever respect you in intimate relationships. You set your boundaries and should never let anyone cross them.

Maybe I don't really get the "online" bit because I've never been in a distance relationship, I just couldn't do it. However, even if she was playing you the whole time, it was still a real relationship to you. So you are going through the normal break-up stuff that we've all been through at some time.

My advice is to forget her, do not check her online and block her. It will be tough for a while and it will gradually get better.

Good luck.