help wanted

I love my boyfriend.

He's handsome, caring, funny, charismatic, and outgoing.

When things are good, they're great. When bad, horrible.

When he gets upset its bad. He once told me that at times he has the urge to snap my neck.

I want to file a restraining order, but I feel bad. Where will he and his kid stay? He only has $40 to his name. He's unemployed...i worry ill regret it. I feel guilty for not standing by his side and walking away...but I'm 33, so is he. His kid is a bully, he picks on my two boys, calling them sissies....how do you go through with it without feeling responsible for the other party?

I love my boyfriend.

 

He's handsome, caring, funny, charismatic, and outgoing.

 

When things are good, they're great. When bad, horrible.

When he gets upset its bad. He once told me that at times he has the urge to snap my neck.

 

I want to file a restraining order, but I feel bad. Where will he and his kid stay? He only has $40 to his name. He's unemployed...i worry ill regret it. I feel guilty for not standing by his side and walking away...but I'm 33, so is he. His kid is a bully, he picks on my two boys, calling them sissies....how do you go through with it without feeling responsible for the other party?

You know what you're problem is? You're too damn nice. Save your niceness for someone who deserves it...because HE sure as hell doesn't.

You need to stop worrying so much about him... do you think he's doing this much worrying about you? No, he's not. He's an abusive loser and if you choose to say with him...you're as big a loser as he is.

You need to TAKE CARE OF YOU... because trust me HE sure won't. Any man who wants to "snap your neck" is NOT a man who loves you or even cares about you.

Get away from this abusive a-hole as fast as you can...and stop being so nice and caring to people who don't give a crap about you.

If you can't do it for yourself do it for your children!

You need to be a mother lion to those kids and no one, absolutely no one lives in your home and picks on your children.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? Not a big surprise here.

""how do you go through with it without feeling responsible for the other party?""

How? You make a choice. . Me or you? Me and my children or you? That's what being adult and a parent does.

Who's comfort is more important and are he and his bully son half as concerned about your comfort and welfare?

You care enough about your own kids and your skin to get them out of there. Stop making this just about you and your useless guilt. This man has physically threatened you and your kids are being terrorized in their own home. Not sure what the circumstances are, but you need to tell him he has to the end of the day to be out. Period. He survived and his kid survived before they knew you, they will survive again. They can do one million things and if you'll stop a moment and think about it when is the last time you saw or heard, "Well, I and the kids are homeless, because we got put out on the street by the SO who didn't like us hurting them?"

Oh that's right, never. Stop finding excuses and stand up for your kids if you won't stand up for yourself. You tell him to leave and be gone. If he gets threatening you call the cops and tell them he's threatening to hurt you and your kids. They'll come running and get him out. Or you wait until he's gone, pack his bags and then call and tell him they're out front and he's to take everything and go right then. If you feel that guilty give him enough money to stay at a hotel for a week, trust me he'll figure something out soon enough. If you just stand your ground and stop letting yourself and your kids get bullied.

Sorry to be harsh, but I'm a single mom too. You need to turn into an absolute hell on wheels warrior when it comes to your kids and anyone who would hurt them or take you away from them needs to rue the day they even breathed wrong at any of you. Yes, you are going to have to get a really tough skin, because you're a mother. You don't let them or you get preyed on period, because you are responsible totally for their survival. And part of that survival is making sure you are safe too. Trust me, kids remember just as much that their parent or parents didn't protect them when they knew something was being done to them as they do if you were the one directly abusing them. Remember that every time you start to feel like, "Oh, I can't do that to him. I can't hurt their widdle feewings 'cause I can't let go of the idea I'm too, too nice to do that." There's the doormat kind of "Hi walk all over me and anyone close to me who I won't protect" kind of nice and then there's the "I'll treat you the way you treat me. You want fair, nice treatment great. You show it to me and mine or I bring down the rain" kind of nice. Guess which one gets you a happy life with happy kids and which one doesn't?

Not sure what the circumstances are, but you might want to call this number and at least talk to someone about getting out safely or forming an escape plan. In the meantime you get his son alone and put the kid on a really short leash and do it in front of the other two, so the bullying stops. National Domestic Hotline at: link removed 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

You're speaking about a fully grown adult who's capable of getting the help he needs, yet you feel more responsible for him than your own kids and their mother who they're dependent on to make good decisions?

Think.