Not sure he wants to come back home

Here is my situation, I met my husband on line two years ago, we dated for one year and then got married last November. On January of this year I was diagnosed with cancer and my whole life change. The tumor was removed and started chemo. He started been distant and cold with me, I admit that I change but the chemo was doing a good job on my hormones that my emotions were everywhere, even my oncologies talked to my husband about been prepared for my mood change, I went into early menapause because of the chemo. Well on June we had a big argument because he did not came home the night before and I told him to leave, keep in mind this was our first big argument. Well that night I pologize and I thought everything was good. Well two days later he call me from work and let me know that he just lease a apt and he was leaving, I was shook and angry at the same time. He moved out on June but he kept in touch with me, sometimes he would even spend the night at the house. I did ask him if he wanted to work on the marriage, we decided that we would start dating each other. On my last chemo I got a real bad reaction and I end up in the hospital for a couple of days and not once he went to see me. We still went out but he is always so cold and distant, we were supposed to go to marriage conceling but at the last minute he cancel. Last week i came to find out he had erase all our pictures from his Facebook and this really hurt me. I think because we still in contact we keep hurting each other and we are not letting our wounds to heal. Since I found out he totally erase me from facebook and that he is been in the dating site where we met I started to pull back. Now I do not text or call him and now he wants to go to conceling, but now I not sure I even want to continue with a reconciliation, I do not trust him any more, I feel if thing get tough again he will leave me again. Two night ago I had a talk with him and told him I was feeling, he told me that he still have feelings for me. I think his auction talks louder that words and now I feel emotional drain to continue trying. I would really appreciate any advice.

I'm sorry about what you're going through.

I think the most important thing for you is for you to get yourself well. Everything else is not as important as that. If he is finding being with you too hard because of the way you have been behaving because of your treatment then all you can do is talk to him about how you feel and if he does still want to not be together you need to let him go and heal emotionally and physically. You could always just see him when you are in the better stages of the treatment if you do work it out, a lot of people prefer to not get their partners too involved in the hospital treatment with them, just because that way they remain in control etc.

This isn't an easy situation though, so good luck to you. Just get yourself well and be honest with him. What happens next is up to him and up to you. And you need to think of your health

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I lost my brother to lung cancer.

My brother could be very difficult, due to the cancer and the treatment, but those that cared and supported were present in his life..

Hon, this guy has deserted you at your lowest time, is looking for dates online and is treating you disrespectfully. You do not need this crap, you need someone to be there, and show love and support - It kinda sounds like he/s only there for sex, which is really low. I think the worst bit, is that he did not show at the hospital, this is unforgivable.

Please focus on yourself and surround yourself with those that care for you, as this other relationship does not help your recovery - you need as little stress as possible.

Remember, those that are true to you will be there in the the tough times, not run when things get a bit heated. it sounds like he has already left the relationship.

I didn't want to sound as blunt as that but Hollyj is right you know.

I also lost my brother to cancer.

He actually found someone while he was ill after other people had deserted him in a way.

I always feel very happy that he had love with someone who was supportive of him in everyway, if only for a brief amount of time...

But people who are not there and accepting of you while you are ill are not good at all.

My current bf accepts me for who I am and when I am unwell or having a hard time because of the grief I have for my brother, he is always accepting of me, even when I am being irritating. But I have been with very bad people who do not care. So I can relate.

Sorry, if it came off a bit strong. It just upsets me when people treat others with so little care, at such an important time.

I think you're excusing your actions cause you are sick but you're not excusing his responses cause he is not sick. I think you should excuse both. You are sick and you might explode with him, you two have only been together for two years but unless it's clear as to which part of you is exploding and which is real it's gotta be really difficult for him to figure out what you really want.

By asking him to leave, you've essentially broken up with him, and he has no idea as to whether that was the drugs talking of if that was you asking him. I think if you change perspective and measure his responses against what you've done you'll handle the emotional pain better and excuse his actions better. Or, thanks to the drugs, both of you are just going to stop trusting each other.

I think if he is willing to go to counseling you should go for the simple reason that you can at least discuss this and get closure.

The diagnosis of cancer not only slams you, but it slams your loved ones as well. Some people have an extremely hard time dealing with the concept of mortality and loss and death, and they get scared and run away. We of course all know we will eventually die, but a cancer diagnosis brings the concept of mortality to the forefront and truly scares some people out of their wits.

So this could be a case where he was terrified and felt inadequate and unable to help you and also had it brought into focus the both you and he are mortal and he's not prepared to deal with that. But there is a chance that over time, he has adjusted to the idea and realized that you are more important than his own fear.

I think it would be worthwhile to get counseling for your both to talk about what happened and explore whether you can rebuild the relationship. You have a very young marriage when this difficulty hit, and did not yet have a long history with each other so that put extra stress on a new marraige. Many people do divorce after a cancer diagnosis because one or both can't handle it, but many do in the end come out stronger.

So if he is willing to go to counseling, explore it a bit. You'll either feel better about the idea of trying to get back together, or you'll decide based on what you hear that you don't want to do it.

I currently doing conceling for myself and it seems to be working. Physically I am back to normal I am currently in remission. Sometimes I still have the felling that he still loves me but does not want to get hurt. I going to give him some space to see that helps.

If he asked to go to counseling with you, then that is what you should do. Giving him 'space' won't change anything.

I currently doing conceling for myself and it seems to be working. Physically I am back to normal I am currently in remission. Sometimes I still have the felling that he still loves me but does not want to get hurt. I going to give him some space to see that helps.

Why the hell would HE be afraid of getting hurt? HE was the a-hole who walked out on YOU in your greatest time of need...HE was the one who hurt you! You did nothing to hurt him...so PLEASE get that thought out of your head.

He's not afraid of getting hurt....he's an insensitive, inconsiderate, irresponsible coward who had no business getting married in the first place.

No HE does not need space.....but you sure do and lots of it. Preferably forever away from this bozo.

This kinda crap from guys really pisses me off...and it should piss you off too. My god, you had cancer for pete's sake....and he goes and gets another apartment?

He does not even sound human.

Ditch the bum and move on... you deserve WAY better than this creep.

p.s. I am so glad you are out of the woods and feeling better!!! Take good care and...

((hugs))

I'm with Weather.

This guy has already shown you who he is. Don't be surprised when he bolts, again.

I'm glad you are doing well. Remission is good but you do still need to look after yourself and having people around who do not help you do that is not good.