Accusing me of contacting one of his girl friends - I am not. Help.

Trying to keep this short.

Dated this guy for about 7 mos, who had told me several times he had a lot of ex baggage. He said he would get messages from 'psycho girls who were in love with him' and who would meddle with his relationships. These things put me slightly on edge, because I questioned the validity of his victim status here, and also was wary about becoming a target or getting involved with any ex drama. Against my better judgment, I kept dating him.

He and I were friends only via Instagram, a social media site where you just post pics with captions and tag yourself in other peoples' pics. We were both private accounts, but I had a link to an about.me site I have for other work linked on my profile. He got to be friends with my sister while we were going out and they even would have phone conversations and text here and there - just friendly stuff, and I liked that they had their own friendship.

One day I received a creepy email to my inbox via my about.me website (through where it is linked on my instagram), by someone using my sister's maiden name. (My sister's married). The message, this way, went straight to my inbox rather than spam. It read: "Be a smart girl, you aren't the only one in his life."

At this point, having dated him for 6 mos already, he was whom I assumed this was about. Also, since he had told me previously that girls would do this in his life and about his 'psycho ex' who would try to wreck his relationships, I told him about it thinking he should know. He instantly got defensive, thinking I was accusing him of cheating (I wasn't. I was honestly concerned about being a target of any ex psycho-ness). He said how there are 'tons of psycho girls who want him' and I shouldn't be surprised, etc. This put me off a lot. He proceeded to get belligerently drunk on a trip away that weekend and texted me a pic of random girls clinging to him, while telling me it was 'hard to stop the girls from hitting on him.' I was very upset by this and other things he said to me in this conversation, and broke things off the next week.

A few days after breaking it off I received another email from the same person pretending to be my sister (at this point my sister and I both reported this), saying "Think about it, how much do you really know about what he's doing?"

We had a messy ending over the last few weeks - a lot of back and forth where I tried to give it another shot (stupid), thinking I guess that he deserved the benefit of the doubt somehow (not about the email, but about his drunk behavior on his trip). I felt insecure and confused about everything and knew it was just an unhealthy and toxic balance. We said some angry words, decided not to talk for a while and it has been almost 2 weeks since then. I unfollowed him on instagram, he unfollowed me, and we went about our lives. I have had literally zero contact with him or anyone even remotely connected to him since that day, and have just been trying to busy myself with work and friends and find a way to feel better.

Then, this morning, I woke up to very angry texts from him with lots of f-bombs asking me why I wasn't leaving him alone, calling me a psycho, and asking me to stay out of his life. ...Obviously I wrote back in shock, completely blindsided by this since I hadn't been in touch with him or anyone in his life at all. He told me some friend of his said I had messaged her via Instagram (a feature which does not exist unless you are friends with someone on there), asking if she was his girlfriend and apparently describing specific details of how we dated. He won't tell me any direct quotes or show me the message so I can determine if I was hacked, he is just saying that his friend said I did this, and knew things she could not 'possibly have known' if it wasn't me. He said he texted me just to tell him to stay out of his life. (.........which I was. What the actual f***.)

I seriously looked through the contents of my phone to make sure I hadn't drunkenly (even though I haven't had a drink in weeks), or in the middle of sleeping, somehow reached out to harass some girl in his life. There's no trace of anything suspicious from my account at all. I posted an instagram of my roommate's cat last night. THAT IS ALL.

I had asked for no contact with him when we broke things off so that I could move on and not be tempted to continue a relationship of any kind with him (other than maybe friendship one day). I was doing fine, and moving on and hadn't even gone near his social media. I'm embarrassed this is even a topic I am posting about. He won't believe me, is calling me a liar (I've never ever lied to him once...) and repeatedly saying he wants me out of his life (I was out of his life). I get that this is a no-brainer where I should obviously just continue with the severed contact, but I really did care for him at one time and was actually going to reach out to apologize for harsh words on my part from when we broke things off. I can't stand this kind of false info being used against me or that anyone could believe I would do this kind of thing, and I am incredibly anxious about it. It also worries me that I'm still somehow entangled in some very f-ed up scheme to mess with his relationships. I've already defended myself and am debating whether or not to delete my instagram account but I just need to post this here to get some feedback I guess.

This is my nightmare!!

Thanks for reading.

I wouldn't doubt if it wasn't him doing the contacting and making different screen names. I would block him. Everywhere.

I wouldn't doubt if it wasn't him doing the contacting and making different screen names. I would block him. Everywhere.

I'm terrified by this possibility, but it makes the most sense. It's also the general consensus among my friends.

I have never been quite this anxious before!

I wouldn't doubt if it wasn't him doing the contacting and making different screen names. I would block him. Everywhere.

I agree with this. Ton's of psycho girls or one psycho boy - which one makes more sense to you?

I agree with this. Ton's of psycho girls or one psycho boy - which one makes more sense to you?

It fits with the theme of what he was crying to me about the entire time we dated. I have never experienced this level of drama before and I do not want to.

I suggest not even responding. Just ignore him.

I agree with this. Ton's of psycho girls or one psycho boy - which one makes more sense to you?

It fits with the theme of what he was crying to me about the entire time we dated. I have never experienced this level of drama before and I do not want to. Shaking.

I wound up telling him to please keep me out of any drama going forward and stop contacting me. Blocking number. Feeling scurred.

Happy Halloween? lol

I probably should have just not responded but I needed that "DO NOT CONTACT ME" out there in the universe after this madness.

No that message was fine I think. Just don't get drawn into it no matter what pathetic scheme he pulls now. Girls are drooling over meee baaaha - how idiotic

Very odd behaviour and probably believes his own .

Very odd behaviour and probably believes his own .

Thanks guys, I agree there is a lot of suspicious crap going on. I really feel freaked about the level of anger he sent me. I mean, if he is lying, he fully believes his own lies. I have never been spoken to this way EVER. It was like "You f-ing psycho, stop f-ing contacting my friends, get the f- out of my life".....

...I do not know this person or want to. Mommmmmm....!!!!

apparently there IS a 'direct messaging' option on instagram and you CAN message people you aren't following/who aren't following you, but regardless... I didn't and have no idea what he is even talking about. And being falsely accused to this degree and severity makes me feel sick - I wish I could see the actual messages but he never gave me specifics.

Thanks guys, I agree there is a lot of suspicious crap going on. I really feel freaked about the level of anger he sent me. I mean, if he is lying, he fully believes his own lies. I have never been spoken to this way EVER. It was like "You f-ing psycho, stop f-ing contacting my friends, get the f- out of my life".....

 

...I do not know this person or want to. Mommmmmm....!!!!

The only time I've experienced something like this (the type of talk you mention, claiming all previous ex's are psycho's etc) was when I dealt with someone whom later I found was a type 1 sociopath.

Gave me chills.

Half my family told me they thought he could be a sociopath. this is where I question my sanity for giving this guy so much time/ so many chances.

Look, every time I have ever heard of some guy alleging he has a 'psycho' GF (or in this case multiple psycho GFs) it is some guy who is a horrendous womanizer/cheater who is trying to set up built in excuses in advance lest one of the girls he is also seeing happens to contact you or you get wind of her. Rather than admitting he's been dating/encouraging/banging multiple women, he'll just say 'oh, that's some crazy ex'.

So this guy is basically showing that HE is the one with the problem. He a drama king and stirring up trouble and attempting to date multiple girls at once while telling all of them if they hear from someone else she's a crazy ex.

Just totally and completely block him. Never respond to anything he sends again. He needs attention (LOTS of attention from multiple girls) so if you're not giving him any, he'll seek it somewhere else and eventually leave you alone.

I agree it's him. He sounds like he has mental problems and this is probably something he does to people who are in his life, period. He feels a need to be the center of attention and when he's not he tries to create situations where he is. And he does it anyone who leaves him, which is probably quite often given his rants about the number of "psycho ex-girlfriends." Uh, projection much? You were right to tell him to not contact you. Now block and delete any communication, never respond again, and if need be maybe deactivate or hide your social media accounts for a time. When he can't find you and can't get a reaction he'll move on to the next target.

Forget about being friends ever. If you see him in public don't even say hi, just move on and ignore him and yawn loudly if he comes around you to show how bored you are with it all.

Well one of the major reasons I broke things off was that I sensed he was lying to me about a number of things. His stories were inconsistent on multiple occasions, and they were never big ENOUGH deals for me to bring up but I noticed, and when I tried to bring up what I was noticing as inconsistent he lashed out and called me 'crazy and f-ing ridiculous'.

I have no proof he cheated or anything but tonnnsss of suspicions and yes, gathering all the info it is highly, highly likely he said that to me so I would hopefully ignore any girl who would reach out to me saying she was dating him. Because... she probably would have been! I am sure I wasn't the only one. Man, shame on me for dumping such a catch!

(pukes).

Yep, you dodged a bullet with this one.

You are dealing with this really well. I think it was a good idea to send a message telling him not to contact you any longer. You should ignore any future attempts he makes at contact unless it crosses the line into scary, at which point you should contact the police. He will probably give up when you don't take the bait, and you will just become another "psycho" ex.

Just be glad you found out when you did!

Yep, you dodged a bullet with this one.

 

You are dealing with this really well. I think it was a good idea to send a message telling him not to contact you any longer. You should ignore any future attempts he makes at contact unless it crosses the line into scary, at which point you should contact the police. He will probably give up when you don't take the bait, and you will just become another "psycho" ex.

 

Just be glad you found out when you did!

Thank you - I've been shaking since this morning and can hardly focus right now at work. I am okay with him thinking I am a 'psycho' (with absolutely no reason to think that but OKAY), but I never want to be involved in this level of drama again.

He sounds mentally ill to me, and if not mentally ill, definitely OFF BALANCE with some major personality disorders.

He accuses all these women (including you) of being psycho...when the reality is...HE is the one who is psycho! He's projecting his behavior on to the women in his life.

Just ignore him. Don't respond to his craziness anymore....block him, delete him.

And next time your gut tells you to run, listen to it! Don't go against your better judgment...that is always a mistake.

Lesson learned though, right?

Move on and good luck.

I've never seen the responders to a thread agree on something so unanimously before!

I've never seen the responders to a thread agree on something so unanimously before!

I was just thinking that. What is so ridiculous about this is that I honestly do not know what to believe - he kept saying that he had 'cold hard facts' but would never actually GIVE me the facts he had - just that someone reached out to one of his female friends, said she was me, tried to friend her, and gave her 'details about how he and I met'. He said she reached out 'completely out of the blue' and acted like I should definitely know what he's talking about.

My fear is that if there IS a crazy ex, she mimicked my instagram account somehow? It is set to public right now. Perhaps she made a new profile based off of mine, named herself by my name, and messaged this girl. I am feeling hyper-paranoid.

I know at this point I just shouldn't care, but I really really do. I've never been accused of something this insane before.

I can almost guarantee it's all him and there is no crazy ex. I would really lock down all personal social media stuff you have, just in case. Make everything only viewable by friends.

i asked for a screen shot so I can report this. I feel violated guys!!!!!