Moving hoping for a better dating scene....am I crazy?

Having just left my previous job I have been looking for a better job for a couple months and it has become clear to me that jobs in my industry just don't exist in my current hometown. Basically, I have 2 choices 1. To move to an area where the industry is big or 2. Take a job here in a different industry.

So I applied for both kinds of jobs so that I would have options. Right now I am waiting for an offer from a firm on the west coast (they have told me that they are writing the offer and I should expect it this week) This job is pretty much exactly what I want to be doing industry wise. I don't have the offer yet but it should pay well enough for the city it is in, but I would have to move. At the same time I have a final interview with a company in town for a job that is similar to what I want to do but not really the same. The pay would be good, but the office is not all that close to my home.

I think all things being the same a lot of people would choose to stay in town and not go through a move halfway accross the country, but honestly I feel like the dating scene here has never really worked for me. I'd really like to have good fulfilling relationship as well a great job and here I'd be getting a good paying job and not a lot of hope that the dating scene will ever change. If I move, the job is more the kind of work I want to do and I just feel like I have have hope that things (in the dating world) will be better. The west coast city I'd be moving to has something like 140 single men for every 100 single women....so that could be a plus.

Am I crazy for wanting to move halfway accross the country just to have a chance at a better dating life?

No. I've observed/experienced it myself after living in L.A. which has a frankly, very brutal dating scene to New Mexico where the men are plentiful, real men, and a whole lot more friendly and less superficial.

But the main thing you should focus on is the job, which if you get the offer that's accross the country and if the benefits it offers outweigh the ones of the local one I would say go for it. If you are free to move that is a plus. Just make sure you investigate the company thoroughly, so you don't get there and get surprised in a bad way.

No. I've observed/experienced it myself after living in L.A. which has a frankly, very brutal dating scene to New Mexico where the men are plentiful, real men, and a whole lot more friendly and less superficial.

 

But the main thing you should focus on is the job, which if you get the offer that's accross the country and if the benefits it offers outweigh the ones of the local one I would say go for it. If you are free to move that is a plus. Just make sure you investigate the company thoroughly, so you don't get there and get surprised in a bad way.

I too have lived in LA...I went on a lot of dates but it seemed like no one there was very serious about anything. So casual dating there was a breeze but relationships were impossible. I won't be moving back to LA.

Because I don't have the offer yet I can't really say monetarily if the benefits will be better. It's a large company and form my research and talks with the recruiter I feel like they pay well and have adequate benefits. The job though would be in very specialized department. While I've seen a lot about the company on line I'm not sure if all I've read would apply to this job from the interview process I get the sense I can't really judge this position by what people say about the rest of the company. I met several people on the team through the interview process and they seemed happy.

The thing is right now I'm not working at all, so any job is better than not working and I am free to move....I have a dog to take with me and I'd have to rent out my condo but I already have a lead on a guy from my last job who may rent my condo. The only thing keeping me here is that my parents live here. On the other hand, all my parents really want is for me to get married and have grandkids for them and having lived here for almost 10 years and not succeeding at that so far...why would I stay?

(Cheering): N-Y-C! N-Y-C! N-Y-C! N-Y-C!

""I too have lived in LA...I went on a lot of dates but it seemed like no one there was very serious about anything. So casual dating there was a breeze but relationships were impossible. I won't be moving back to LA""

Well now. .that pretty much sums it up!

My opinion is unpopular but I vote for moving to the largest, most singles-infested city you can find and making that your priority. It is what I did (but I didn't have to move far -I did however have to increase my rent by at least 30%) and I probably would not be married now if I had not done that even though ironically when my husband and I started dating again he had moved hundreds of miles away. As one of my favorite authors said, give or take a few words -wherever you go you take yourself with you so the location won't make a bit of difference if you still are holding onto any negative attitudes about dating/men/relationships and if you're not willing to make changes that will result in meeting more people. I am NOT saying you are doing anything wrong, just suggesting that along with the move you take stock of things you might be doing that are not working well, regardless of location. Good luck!!

(Cheering): N-Y-C! N-Y-C! N-Y-C! N-Y-C!

 

HaHa! Unfortuantly the position I'm considering is on the west coast. I would jump at the chance to move to NYC.

 

""I too have lived in LA...I went on a lot of dates but it seemed like no one there was very serious about anything. So casual dating there was a breeze but relationships were impossible. I won't be moving back to LA""

 

Well now. .that pretty much sums it up!

 

LOL glad to hear I'm not the only one who felt that was about dating in LA.

 

My opinion is unpopular but I vote for moving to the largest, most singles-infested city you can find and making that your priority. It is what I did (but I didn't have to move far -I did however have to increase my rent by at least 30%) and I probably would not be married now if I had not done that even though ironically when my husband and I started dating again he had moved hundreds of miles away. As one of my favorite authors said, give or take a few words -wherever you go you take yourself with you so the location won't make a bit of difference if you still are holding onto any negative attitudes about dating/men/relationships and if you're not willing to make changes that will result in meeting more people. I am NOT saying you are doing anything wrong, just suggesting that along with the move you take stock of things you might be doing that are not working well, regardless of location. Good luck!!

 

I agree...I hear so much that dating is a numbers game and moving to a larger city only helps the numbers. However, moving to a city that has a lopsided demographic that doesn't work to my advantage probably won't help me either. The city in question is a much larger city than where I currently live and has more men than women. So in a number game that sounds promising. You're right though, I have to also take some time to look at myself...I can't blame this all on location (although I may want to). I think that just making a big change like this will cause a lot of introspection and it'll force me to get out there to make new friends and find new hobbies (or place to get involved in my current hobbies). If anything I think the fact that I'm going into this with a good deal of hope will give me a more positive attitude about dating in general.

 

It's nice to hear a success story too...even if it was in a round about way. If you hadn't moved you may never have met your hubby.

 

Am I crazy for wanting to move halfway accross the country just to have a chance at a better dating life?

Yes, yes you are You may have a larger dating pool, but think quality over quantity. Do you know the culture there? What about the demographics? Are 40 of the 140 men too old or too young?

Having said that, I think you should move, but for other reasons you stated. And if the dating is better, that will be a bonus.

Sounds like your issue was your were living in LA in general!

Anywhere is better than LA imo

San Diego is somewhat better, we have our hordes of superficiality though

Yes, yes you are You may have a larger dating pool, but think quality over quantity. Do you know the culture there? What about the demographics? Are 40 of the 140 men too old or too young?

 

Having said that, I think you should move, but for other reasons you stated. And if the dating is better, that will be a bonus.

True....I guess I could do more research on the demographics. However, when I visited for the interview I liked the vibe of the city. Also everyone says guys are very shy there, often not making the first move. However I had a guy on a street corner get out of his truck to give me his number. lol Now he wasn't really my type...but my point is you can't always believe what you read about a city.

I think you're right, having the dating scene be a bonus is probably a healthy way to look at it.

Sounds like your issue was your were living in LA in general!

 

Anywhere is better than LA imo

 

San Diego is somewhat better, we have our hordes of superficiality though

I agree.

Okay so maybe I'll get more specific opinions if I tell you what city. I would be moving to the Seattle area if I do move.

I think so long as you have done your research and you are comfortable with the city and the company, go for it! It sounds like an exciting change and a fun opportunity.

... I need to find a job that will move me to France.

When we first dated in the 1990s we lived 8 blocks away from each other and if we hadn't it would have made dating much more stressful because we both worked long hours. I also felt that I got a lot more practice dating by living in a big city and got to know what I was looking for far better. I know some people meet their match with little/no dating and it works great for them -but didn't for me!

I think so long as you have done your research and you are comfortable with the city and the company, go for it! It sounds like an exciting change and a fun opportunity.

 

... I need to find a job that will move me to France.

 

Oh yes France sounds great too....it'd be even better if I spoke French.

 

When we first dated in the 1990s we lived 8 blocks away from each other and if we hadn't it would have made dating much more stressful because we both worked long hours. I also felt that I got a lot more practice dating by living in a big city and got to know what I was looking for far better. I know some people meet their match with little/no dating and it works great for them -but didn't for me!

 

I feel like I've had a lot of practice already. lol However, I'm not so naive that I think I won't need more practice dating in a new city. I'm sure it's totally different and I'll need some practice with all the new intricacies. I'm much more happy to put in more practice with something new than I am to continue to pound my head against the wall here.

 

Talking to my sister I think this job is much more the career move I want, whereas any job I would get here would just be a job.

 

I still don't have an offer in writing so it's a bit nerve wracking but also very exciting at the same time.

... I need to find a job that will move me to France.

 

...or Italy There's a chance my work may take me there at some point in the near future. I'm half Italian so I will fit right in! Too bad I only understand a little Spanish...when I was in Italy years ago, I used broken Spanish and charades to communicate...lol