Can't make sense of this breakup

Hi all,

I'm new on the site. I really need some help/advice about my boyfriend. I'm in so much emotional pain right now

We've been together for 8 months. I thought he was amazing when we first got together, but our relationship has been so rocky. We've fought and broken up a number of times, only to get back together. I live in his hometown as I study here - he knows lots of people and know few. I used to tease him about being arrogant when we first met, but now it's no joke. He would always been calling and texting me. I noticed he was very domineering, criticising the way I do things, small things like cooking for example. He's always encouraged me to diet and quit smoking, which I have tried but failed at a few times. He says he's only attracted to strong women who do what they say they're going to, and he only encourages me to do these things because he wants to help me, but he makes me feel not good enough and we've argued so much about this.

He's in his late 30s and I'm in my mid 20s. He's never been married and has no kids. He also told me he's never been dumped - he's ended every single relationship he's been in. He's obsessed with his appearance and is quite vain - he spends a lot of money on clothes.

I've noticed him lie and it's scary. If I hadn't known for a fact some things he's told me aren't true then I'd have believed him, he lies effortlessly and convincingly. He often asks who's texting me or calling me, but he's always been secretive with his phone. I guess I've always felt a little suspicious of him, but it's just increased. We haven't been friends on Facebook since the last time we broke up, and I asked him the other day if we could because that makes me sad, and he got very angry and defensive and said he was probably going to delete his account anyway.

I looked at his phone the other day I saw a message between him and another woman who he was casually seeing before me. I asked him about it and he flipped that I looked at his phone, said some really hurtful and personal things to me (such as I'm not right in the head, he's never met anyone as insanely jealous as me). He left and we're now broken up. I asked about the messages today and he denies ever replying to her even though I saw the response to her with my own two eyes. The messages strongly implied something was going on between them recently, and his response to her suggested he was sick of his relationship with me.

People I lived with previously did not like him. They said he was controlling. My best friends are desperate for me to leave him for good. I can see how it all is from writing it all down, but I feel absolutely heartbroken it was only two weeks ago during our last fight that he was crying, saying he loved me and always would, that I completed him. Now he's making me out to be crazy and being cold and ignoring me. I can't handle the pain, I feel physically sick, I can't eat or sleep. I miss him so much. He did lots of nice things for me, so it wasn't all awful. I'm just so hurt and confused. Should I try and get him back? Try to work things out? I don't know how to cope without him

Do not get back with him. He loves himself more than he could ever love you, despite what he tells you. He is probably saying the same thing to several other girls as well.

You are young, don't be like me and waste more years on someone who doesn't deserve you.

He sounds like a real loser.. in so many ways.

He's done nothing but dominate you, lie etc. There is NO respect from him. You don't want someone like this in yoru life to treat you this poorly!

He doesn't love you. I don't feel he really knows how. I've been in this situation. It's just another attempt to control you & prevent you from deciding for yourself. almost like guilt.

I think, inside you DO know it's wrong and you shouldn't be involved with him. Do your bes to convince yourself of this truth and get out of HIS grasp.

You're going thru anxiety. If it keeps up maybe talk to your doctor and even consider some therapy to help you along.

Do NOT try and get this kind of person back. Work on staying away from him and start NO contact from now on.

Iknow it's hard to do.. but you must, in order to take care of YOU and work on healing.

Give yourself the self respect you deserve!

* You were okay before him, you will be okay after him*.

This is all you need to know about this clown. He's a pathological liar, he calls you names and he's secretive with his phone, which means he has stuff to hide. Every time someone becomes too defensive about something, get abnormally mad and tries to turn it around and point the finger at you, it's a dead giveaway of the fact that the person is up to no good.

Plus, you were lucky enough to see those messages with your own 2 eyes. Who are you going to believe, your own eyes, or his lies?

All this is more than enough reason to remove this guy out of your life for good, without looking back. I know it's not easy, but it's only difficult because you have feelings for him and you built him up in your mind. If you saw him the way I see him, objectively, you would see how much easier dumping his narcissistic butt would become.

i would back away and not come back. the guy is not treating you respectfully and lying. it can only get worse not better. i would walk away with your head held high and tell him you are not interested in the quality of relationship he is providing and deserve better and are leaving