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The breakup was almost 6 weeks now. The first two weeks I really felt okay and thought I was moving on. But now here I am, crying everynight and not being able to sleep. Replaying things in my mind and blaming myself even though it was not all my doing. I have self esteem issues and I dont know how to work through them. Every guy I dated needed "help" or "fixed" and I dont understand why I choose these people because in the end it is only me who is hurt, while he goes on living life like I didnt exist. Im so thankful for this forum and would appreciate any advice

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It is normal to go thru these kinds of emotions and you will for a while. It comes in waves.

Confusion, anger, denial, heartache, etc.

 

Takes time to work on your healing. So take som serious down time now to work on YOU.

Get better mentally and emotionally before you think about moving on again. Get yourself back to good.

 

Then you can see things in a clearer sense and feel more positive. Therapy can even help.

 

All takes time.

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Crying is an emotional release. I tend to think that if it's happening, it's because you've got that energy inside of you that needs to find its way out. Could be you've just started to process things, and now you've got things from a deeper place inside of you bubbling up to the surface. SooSad is right. It really does come in waves. There are different cycles on the healing path. Perhaps you've transitioned into a new stage...so things are feeling fresh again.

 

Be gentle with yourself! There's opportunity in what you're feeling. You've noted some things that you're curious about. It's great to have that level of self-awareness...because you're not flailing around blaming your circumstances or the people around you for what you're feeling. It's on you! You're owning it. And, I think that's a crucial first step to moving forward on your own path.

 

I haven't explored therapy...but it's something I'm seriously considering now. It still feels a bit strange to acknowledge that consideration...because I think I have some negative associations to the concept of 'therapy'. It's a loaded word. But...at this point, I'm willing to give it a try. So many people have had positive, life-altering experiences. Now is the time. It's not tomorrow. Or, after the next failed relationship. It's now. I feel encouraged about that, myself. Optimistic. It's a shift in focus back to that which I have some influence over. Myself.

 

You'll get there. Courage on the path. It's not easy...but if you invest in yourself now...it'll pay dividends in your future.

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This helped me navigate things -

 

7 Stages of Grief:

 

*shock and denial

*pain and guilt

*anger and bargaining

*depression, reflection, loneliness

*upward turn

*reconstruction and working through

*acceptance and hope

 

You can google this and it explains each stage in depth. . You can get stuck in stage, circle back and repeat another. .

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The breakup was almost 6 weeks now. The first two weeks I really felt okay and thought I was moving on. But now here I am, crying everynight and not being able to sleep. Replaying things in my mind and blaming myself even though it was not all my doing. I have self esteem issues and I dont know how to work through them. Every guy I dated needed "help" or "fixed" and I dont understand why I choose these people because in the end it is only me who is hurt, while he goes on living life like I didnt exist. Im so thankful for this forum and would appreciate any advice

 

I suspect you gravitate towards fixer-uppers so that you don't have to focus on your self-esteem. I agree with 90 hour that it would be a good idea for you to explore counseling.

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Every guy I dated needed "help" or "fixed" and I dont understand why I choose these people because in the end it is only me who is hurt, while he goes on living life like I didnt exist.

I think the book "Women who love too much" by Robin Norwood would be a good book for you to read, even though it's from years ago. I am almost finished reading it, and even though it's not entirely exact or how I am, it was still very insightful and gave me some food for thought and helped me to see some things about myself.

But yeah, replaying things and blaming yourself even though it's not all your doing, I totally am right there with you. And those stages are just awful and randomly all over the place for me. Ugh.

Counseling is a great suggestion and it can only ever help. I know it's always helped me, along with calling The Warm Line to talk and vent in between appointments.

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