bhbull Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Ok so the Gf and I dated for 4 years. I know someone will say they need all the details...the girlfriend has a 22 yr old daughter that stays at her step dads house with her 2 small boys. Both boys were sick so the GF decides to go over to help out and spent the night. She claims in the spare room. The daughter is not the Gf and the ex-husband's daughter. The GF has now been there for 4 nights and claims she will go home Monday 10/27...but, the clincher for me was the fact she lives less than 10 minutes away. She claims is not there for her ex but the daughter and grandkids.....whats everyones thoughts..am I wrong or right for deciding to end it...love her to death but I do not feel she needs to be staying there at all Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I think your response is beyond the pale. Her grand kids are sick and you are accusing you of cheating on you?! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 How small are the sons and how sick were they? If they had the flu etc being there overnight may have been particularly helpful. What is the history of the GF and her ex? Do they usually have a cooperative relationship with appropriate boundaries? Finally, what is the psychiatric condition of the boys? Do they feel abandoned? I am loathe to challenge one parent's decision to be especially attentive to his or her children, but I see your point. I likely would not have done what she did, knowing my own kids, their resilience, and their father's capacity to manage, if with difficulty. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Are there any actual indicators that would lead you to believe she's cheating on you? If there isn't then I'd say she's probably better off without you and go ahead and dump her so she can find someone who isn't so accusatory. If there are reasons for you not to trust her then dump her then too only this time it would be YOU that is better off without her. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 OH Thank you MHowe, yes, her daughter's kids. Of course she stayed there! Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 No I never accused her..reread what I said...as for the grandkids being sick...they were up running around playing so were they sick...maybe a runny nose...as for the GF and her ex...I can't ever say I think there is anything going on between them..there friends which doesn't bother me...but to be there for 4 days and only lives less than 10 minutes away????? that's my issue Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 You said you decided to end it. How did you explain that to her? Yes, I am sure she was having a fling with her daughter and two grand kids in the house. NOT. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 ok so I reread what I wrote...I said she claims she slept in the spare room...so I guess in writing yes it does show that I accused her...but when I told her I felt we were done I never said anything about her sleeping in the spare room...I said there was more than just sick kids as the morning after the first night they were outside playing...so for the next 3 nights did she really have to be there because kids were sick...sorry but I think not Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Oh yes... dump her, she's better off without you. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 mhohe, we talked and she knew I was unhappy she was staying overnight. I asked her several times for 2 1/2 days why she felt she needed to be sleeping there when she lived almost next door...all she would say is she is going to stay there and it was none of my business. I explained there was no respect for me or what I would like...I advise her if the kids were sick I had no issue with her there..but the following 3 nights they were not sick at all. She said she loved me several times during these couple days. As far as what I was thinking is that it was a total lack of respect for me....so I calmly said said "I think we just need to ends this relationship" Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I think you showed no respect for her and she is better off single. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 So mHoe, have you been divorced and with kids?? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I think that when she said that it was none of your business she was hoping that you would end it. Am I wrong? Has she asked you to reconsider or did she just quickly accept your decision. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 My guess is yes you have been divorced with kids....and I would also bet you have not stayed at the ex's house especially if your dating someone... Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 No she did not gladly accept it Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 OP, I am a divorced mom with two kids, no grandkids. I hardly see how my background or MHowe's is relevant. Your GF is an adult. She had a visit with her daughter and two grandkids. She chose to stay with them, instead of in her own home. Her ex lives in the same house. Who cares? Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 not asking if its relevant...so do you disagree she could have went home...came back in the morning if she needed to visit? I would think so...like I said only less than 10 minutes away...if your going to be in a relationship respect each other and there feelings Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 She is a grown woman and doesn't need your ok to choose where she sleeps. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 mhoe, So you don't believe in respect?? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Your GF's daughter is lucky to have her mom. Those late nights that happened when my mom and I used to hang out way past bedtime are some of my favorite memories. On holidays we all stay over at my dads, several generations of us, packing into offices and onto couches, just so we can hang out late and wake up early together. That is the intimate time your GF is sharing with her daughter and her grandchildren. What a shame you don't appreciate that kind of emotional intimacy in their family. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I believe in respecting a partners decision. If she felt she needed to be there, then that is where she needed to be. And your insecurities not withstanding, for you to accuse her of cheating is about as disrespectful a thing as I have ever heard. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 I could understand what you ladies are saying if she lived hours away but when you live right down the street and see each other on a daily basis I think your wrong about it...to me its total disrespect Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 mhoe, again...where did I say I accused her...I said she claimed to have slept in the spare room...no where did I said I accused her and nowhere does it say that I told her that Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 The distance is immaterial. How is she disrespecting you? She stayed in the same house with her ex? Her ex is her ex...she has been with you for at least 4 years. Link to comment
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