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I am the dumper..advise please


bhbull

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Ok so the Gf and I dated for 4 years. I know someone will say they need all the details...the girlfriend has a 22 yr old daughter that stays at her step dads house with her 2 small boys. Both boys were sick so the GF decides to go over to help out and spent the night. She claims in the spare room. The daughter is not the Gf and the ex-husband's daughter. The GF has now been there for 4 nights and claims she will go home Monday 10/27...but, the clincher for me was the fact she lives less than 10 minutes away. She claims is not there for her ex but the daughter and grandkids.....whats everyones thoughts..am I wrong or right for deciding to end it...love her to death but I do not feel she needs to be staying there at all

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How small are the sons and how sick were they? If they had the flu etc being there overnight may have been particularly helpful.

 

What is the history of the GF and her ex? Do they usually have a cooperative relationship with appropriate boundaries?

 

Finally, what is the psychiatric condition of the boys? Do they feel abandoned?

 

I am loathe to challenge one parent's decision to be especially attentive to his or her children, but I see your point. I likely would not have done what she did, knowing my own kids, their resilience, and their father's capacity to manage, if with difficulty.

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Are there any actual indicators that would lead you to believe she's cheating on you? If there isn't then I'd say she's probably better off without you and go ahead and dump her so she can find someone who isn't so accusatory. If there are reasons for you not to trust her then dump her then too only this time it would be YOU that is better off without her.

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No I never accused her..reread what I said...as for the grandkids being sick...they were up running around playing so were they sick...maybe a runny nose...as for the GF and her ex...I can't ever say I think there is anything going on between them..there friends which doesn't bother me...but to be there for 4 days and only lives less than 10 minutes away????? that's my issue

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ok so I reread what I wrote...I said she claims she slept in the spare room...so I guess in writing yes it does show that I accused her...but when I told her I felt we were done I never said anything about her sleeping in the spare room...I said there was more than just sick kids as the morning after the first night they were outside playing...so for the next 3 nights did she really have to be there because kids were sick...sorry but I think not

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mhohe, we talked and she knew I was unhappy she was staying overnight. I asked her several times for 2 1/2 days why she felt she needed to be sleeping there when she lived almost next door...all she would say is she is going to stay there and it was none of my business. I explained there was no respect for me or what I would like...I advise her if the kids were sick I had no issue with her there..but the following 3 nights they were not sick at all. She said she loved me several times during these couple days. As far as what I was thinking is that it was a total lack of respect for me....so I calmly said said "I think we just need to ends this relationship"

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OP, I am a divorced mom with two kids, no grandkids. I hardly see how my background or MHowe's is relevant.

 

Your GF is an adult. She had a visit with her daughter and two grandkids. She chose to stay with them, instead of in her own home. Her ex lives in the same house.

 

Who cares?

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not asking if its relevant...so do you disagree she could have went home...came back in the morning if she needed to visit? I would think so...like I said only less than 10 minutes away...if your going to be in a relationship respect each other and there feelings

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Your GF's daughter is lucky to have her mom. Those late nights that happened when my mom and I used to hang out way past bedtime are some of my favorite memories. On holidays we all stay over at my dads, several generations of us, packing into offices and onto couches, just so we can hang out late and wake up early together. That is the intimate time your GF is sharing with her daughter and her grandchildren.

 

What a shame you don't appreciate that kind of emotional intimacy in their family.

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