Did he really mean those awful things he said?

Thanks for reading...

So my bf of almost 5 years dumped me 3 weeks ago.

About a week ago he made contact again after 2 weeks NC.

We talked everything through and decided to give it another shot.

We are both really hurt so I knew it would take time before things returned to normal again.

He still hasn't changed his FB status from "single" to "in a relationship" and he also hasn't sent be a friend request after he unfriended me.

He is also very secretive with his phone and takes it everywhere with him including the shower.

When I ask about FB and his phone he freaks out and tells me I have to trust him. He deleted his FB yesterday and I don't know why.

I have tried everything in my power to make things work, I even suggested we get some counseling but he feels it's to personal to share with a stranger.

Today we got into a huge fight.

He has hang ups over this guy that contacted me while we were apart and now he wants me to send the guy a message to basically say "back off for good".

When we decided to give the relationship another shot , I sent the other guy a text the very next day to tell him me and my ex are going to sort out our problems and try again. But this text wasn't good enough according to my now again bf.

He was the one who took a girl out the very next day after he dumped me but now I am at fault??

Today he told me that he is not willing to work on our relationship unless I send that guy a clear message and he also said he regrets taking me back.

Could it be that he is just really hurt and doesn't know how to process the pain? I have treated him poorly in the past. I know people say things they don't mean when they are angry or hurt.

Or could this be how he really feels and that he is ready to move on?

Sounds like you are both hurting and both have trust issues

If you really want this to work I'd suggest counseling. It seems it's at the point where you can't come to a resolution on your own. A third parties point of view will be helpful.

The reasons you guys broke up have not been dealt with.. have they? You got involved again too quickly without anything being resolved.

Now, he's showing signs of dis-trust/jealousy? NOT good.

He cannot 'control' you this way. He sounds rather miserable.

Yes, we can reach out in negative ways when we've been hurt BUT in this case, he's miserable & quite negative.

Don't think it was a good plan to 'agree' to try again at this point.

You BOTH need some time apart. A good few months to work on your issue's.

Sometimes people need to be mean and nasty to each other in order to tear themselves away from each other. It doesn't mean that he meant everything he said. It could mean that that's what he needed to do to justify the breakup...

What were the actual reasons for the break up in the first place? After 5 years you don't just wake up one morning and break up on a whim. Unless those actually issues get addressed on both sides, as in it's not just you and it's not just him, then the relationship is really finished.

What were the actual reasons for the break up in the first place? After 5 years you don't just wake up one morning and break up on a whim. Unless those actually issues get addressed on both sides, as in it's not just you and it's not just him, then the relationship is really finished.

I agree. Two weeks apart doesn't just magically heal the problems that broke you up in the first place. Adding a tis-for-tat in mistrust of one another on top of that is just inventing a whole new reason to blow yourselves up.

I'd take some time apart and have each of you come up with the issues you each saw yourselves causing before the breakup along with the corrections you're willing to put on the table to repair the relationship. If he's not willing to do that, I wouldn't take him back--because you can see how wonky that's getting--and it's getting you nowhere.

He told you he's sorry he got back together with you. Do him the kindness of breaking back up with him FOR GOOD. "You HAVE to trust him" but he's acting shady so how are you to allow yourself to become vulnerable to him again when he's not acting trustworthy?

You don't mention how he's "cut it off for good" with the girl he dated the day after he dumped you... what's going on with her?

In any event this so called reconciliation sounds like it was decided upon out of withdrawl symptoms and unable to handle the fear of going rehab from the addiction of having one another in your lives and not much based on love or want even.

Are you sure you're not better of without one another?

He told you he's sorry he got back together with you. Do him the kindness of breaking back up with him FOR GOOD. "You HAVE to trust him" but he's acting shady so how are you to allow yourself to become vulnerable to him again when he's not acting trustworthy?

 

You don't mention how he's "cut it off for good" with the girl he dated the day after he dumped you... what's going on with her?

 

 

 

In any event this so called reconciliation sounds like it was decided upon out of withdrawl symptoms and unable to handle the fear of going rehab from the addiction of having one another in your lives and not much based on love or want even.

 

Are you sure you're not better of without one another?

He told me that he doesn't have contact with that girl anymore.

Unfortunately the trust issue got to me and I broke off the relationship last night.

It was really hard on me and on him too (I don't think he thought this was going to happen after I begged him to come back to me the last time).

He changed a lot and I'm not sure who he is anymore.

He needs to find himself again, maybe in a few months time, after we both sorted ourselves out, we could try again.

I still love him very much, I never felt this connection with anyone else.

Keep yourself busy by spending time with your friends, starting hobbies, doing something you've always wanted to do but haven't yet done. You may just find someone else on your exciting life journey that you connect with even better. There is ALWAYS another one... it will just take you some time to rehab this one out of your system.

Good luck, who ever you end up with.