Jump to content

Is any of this considered emotional abuse?


Flower33

Recommended Posts

Hi guys I have been in a relationship with this guy we both are 28 years old, and I have been feeling things are not ok… but have my doubts of leaving because my boyfriend and be super nice at times and hurt me really bad other times… maybe I am just overlooking things and am really attached to him and not able to have an objective look at our relationship. So is any of this considered emotional abuse?:

 

· He punched the wall with his fist only once,

· Got mad for something stupid kicked doors then in the middle of the night was begging me to return to his place…

· He is usually angry at me every 10 days (because I reject him or talk to him in a way he doesn’t like or say something he doesn´t like), it is always me that comes looking for him, he tells me I do things that make him really angry, that no other girlfriend got him that angry.

· Literally throws a tantrum (throws himself in bed and starts kicking about) when it´s time for me to leave his place, gets mad when I leave.

· I have to have sex with him whenever he wants cause if I don´t he gets mad at me tells me to stop taking pills and does not understand how I have been with other guys but won’t be with him when he wants.

· I went with his friends bowling with my uniform from work he ignored me then was angry because of the way I was dressed.

· He had a really hard time accepting my past when I wouldn’t change anything from his past because I like the person he is right now.

· He showed up at my place accusing me of cheating on him because the night before when he left my place there was a car parked outside, accuses me of looking at other guys in the street, I have done none of this…

· He tells me I am like a car he bought when purchased he figured the car was broken and had second hand parts or that I am like a cell phone that when he bought it did not have all the features it said I it had…

· A friend I had brought me 2 books when he were not yet dating with my boyfriend. He throws constantly at my face that I did not tell him specifically I got together with my friend to get the books he tells me I only told him I was doing some errands…

· He doesn’t drink and does not do drugs and has never hit me of harmed me physically…

· All this things happen between really good times during which he is caring, attentive, sensitive, buys me stuff, is supportive..

Link to comment

After having listed everything you have, doesn't that in itself give you some sort of clarity?

 

I was you once. Able to make a list of atrocious behaviors and then ask my therapist `should this hurt?'

 

My therapists response to me was "it's as if you have your hand in the fire and you are asking me if it hurts"

You have become so attached to this person you have lost your own objectivity.

 

Yes. .yes and yes, this is emotional abuse at it's finest.

He is a bully and a child.

By the way, his kicking and punching things could be considered a `gateway drug' to physical abuse.

Just because he doesn't hit you and you don't have the bruise or the mark to show for it doesn't excuse it, but what it does to your soul slow and insidious.

In so many ways verbal and emotional abuse can be worse.

There are a lot of website and books on verbal/emotional abuse. . Start reading up on it!

Link to comment

I was in 2 different abusive relationships (one got physical and landed me in a hospital). Both took tremendous courage to walk away from, but it was always a guarantee that life would get better from there. I've became vigilant for the warning signs. I can guarantee you 99% that your relationship will get worse.

 

I don't care how nice or caring your boyfriend is or how much you love him. It's all just traps to keep you from leaving. If a ship has a hole that cannot be repaired and is sinking, would you stay on it just because it has a nice kitchen and a great paint job? The ship will still sink, along with the rest of the amenities on it. No amount of good qualities could overshadow the worst character flaws of an abuser.

Link to comment

These are all classic signs that blend in with the usual cycle of abuse, and will typically escalate to physical abuse. Please don't kid yourself into thinking that he'll change, and you're the exception to the rule...you're not.

 

Also, it may be helpful to seek therapy/counselling, in order to work on raising your self-esteem.

Link to comment

Classic textbook abuse.

Unfortunately your reaction to all this is also classic victim - but when he is not acting crazy, he is really nice, so I stay.

 

Please just dump him and never look back. Any one of the points on your list is reason to run away screaming. You have a long list of them.......how do you not see how bad this is for you????

Link to comment

Thank you all for your advice I know you are all right about my boyfriend. Now I have to gather the courage to leave him I am engaged to him so I guess I am not too late to avoid having a miserable life with him consantly thinking what to say and what to do so he doesnt get angry at me.

Link to comment

Please be careful and plan ahead. These types of men don't go away quietly. So brace yourself for everything from being overwhelmed with gifts and promises of a fairy tale life to tears, begging and pleading, to tantrums, anger and threats. The best you can do is get your things, forget whatever you leave behind and just go no contact. Block him out and make sure that your friends and family know why, in case he tries to get to you through them. It's a tough decision, but honestly, the best decision you can ever make. If you think he was acting bad now, it would have escalated to a hundred times worse once he "has" you locked in and unable to leave him easily.

Link to comment

The best thing sometimes is to create physical space between him and you. if you live together, put your important papers somewhere safe outside the home and decide what items are really important and what are not. Go to a safe place like a parent or sibling where you can stay for awhile and break it off in the presence of someone else when you have the most important things out (your birth certificate, social security card, a family heirloom that grandma gave you, irreplaceable photos, your bank info, basic personal items). You can negotiate later for the furniture or whatever or it may not be worth it. I found it much easier with my abusive spouse because he didn't know exactly where I was for a short time so I was safe and it gave me the courage. He is the one who ended it, but wouldn't leave me alone. Physical distance - not being in the same house and being with other people gives a new perspective and helps you because you can see better how the situation really was.

Link to comment

Great advice on here. I'd like to add that abusers don't happen in certain age ranges. They can be young but they can be old. Get yourself somewhere safe, and allow yourself No Contact with the Abuser so you can get your head out of the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt). There are some great books out there, and/or therapy. I stayed around my abuser after I got away from him because I was still in shock about how atrocious he really was (is). It is good you don't live together. Leaving should be easy and no matter what, DON'T MARRY THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!!!! You might not live to regret it....

Link to comment

i had an ex that would throw temper tantrums. i once watched him pull all of the condiments out of the fridge and huck them against the wall, then kick the fridge and throw a chair at it, all because I had to get up in the am and was the dd of the night and "made" him go home which "made him uncool to his freinds" this guy was 29 btw.

 

for him it was always when he was drunk he would do things that were just super angry.

 

i always excused it because hey he was drunk . and the things he did do he was always super apologetic for. additionally he grew up in an abusive situation where his dad beat on him and his mom.

 

the guy was super sweet 90% of the time but that other 10% he was freaking terrible. And it did turn physical. it took 2 times then i got out.

 

emotional/ rage things always escalate. they see they can get away with it and you will come back for more.

Link to comment

I canceled our engagement which was really hard since we already had bought a house, I had my wedding dress I also got myself in counseling with a profesional so I can deal with my self esteem problems since I know that I should have not let all these red flags go unoticed... I know this is going to be really hard but I know I wasent treated right... I am well sourrounded by family and friends that love me... My now ex reacted baddly telling me I am the worst insult in his life and that he will find some other girl and will do his best with her and treat her right thank you all for your time and your advice I know getting out was the best thing to do

Link to comment

Good for you! You did the right thing, and I imagine that took a lot of courage! It's also good that you're seeking professional help. Big hugs for you!

 

My now ex reacted baddly telling me I am the worst insult in his life and that he will find some other girl and will do his best with her and treat her right

 

Of course he'll say that. One of my abusive ex's said something similar too, but my life without him has gotten 100X better anyway. Hold your head up, and never look back.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...