Fast break-up after being told he was falling in love.Why did he give up so easy

I met this amazing guy and we hit it off immediately. Things moved very fast. He went above and beyond my expectations. He was thoughtful, caring, affectionate, always gave compliments, appreciative, sent surprised, adored me (so he acted), and I was the same towards him. He told me he I had all the qualities he was looking for, only after two weeks he told me he felt like he was falling in love with me (this was after sex) so I don't believe he was just telling me this to get me to sleep with him. I was very important to him. He said a few unrealistic things like "I could never be mad at you" "I would never hurt you" and maybe that was coming for the "New infatuation" stage of the relationship. I assured him that all relationships at some point have problems you just work them out and not to put me to high on a pastille. I usually don't move this fast but he made me feel so special and I have been missing a real romance for 7 years. I didn't want to regret it if I didn't take a chance. He always wanted to do everything together and always welcomed me at his home and kept constant contact. We both still have our own lives though. Here's where things get weird, he told me he was going to Vegas for Halloween and he did invite me but I couldn't go because of school. I didn't act thrilled about the idea. So he assumed I didn't trust him. I never said I didn't trust him. I just said Vegas was wild and I figured that we would spend that Holiday together and I was disappointed that I was considered in this decision and he would rather go to Vegas than spend Halloween with me. I get it Vegas is awesome but it wasn't a trust issue and I told him to go. He even said I'll tell my friend my girlfriend doesn't want me to go. I said no, you should go. I'm not going to keep you from doing what you want to do. He said I should have been happy for him. Things changed quickly after this. He was less affectionate and thoughtful. He just didn't seen into it anymore. I gave it some time and asked him if something was wrong. He said he couldn't get passed the "vegas argument" and that I didn't trust him and the relationship has to have trust and he no longer feels the same. This was two weeks after he told me he was falling in love with me. He's 32 I think he should know not to through words like that around unless you really mean them. We had a talk and he was ready to break up with me. I explained myself and said that these things happen in relationships. You work them out and move on. You don't run away. I explained my feeling for him but didn't understand how he just flipped a switch. He explained that his ex wife made his life miserable because she didn't trust him and he couldn't get passed it but a day later he told me that I had a heart of gold and felt he made the wrong decision and wanted to try again. He said he believed that I trusted him. So I agreed and tried to take things a little slower this time. A few days later he started acting distant again. 10 days later we ended. I asked him again what was going on. It was the same story. He didn't feel the same after the "vegas Argument". After a week I sent him a letter regarding his past trauma, and letting him know that I would always appreciate the good times we shared and I wished him the best. He sent me a text saying he would be lucky to find a girl half as good as me and thanked me for the letter. This all happened with in a month. He said he wanted me in his life but as a friend and that he was so sorry for hurting me and that he wished he could take my pain. A few days later I had the friend talk. We decided we would be friends. But I still care for him and I don't understand why he can't get past something so minor if he cared so much about me. I don't know if he is just trying to protect my feelings or what. It's the strangest situation ever. I can't help to wonder if we will get back together because a huge part of me wants to but is it the right thing? Is it healthy? Is even a friendship healthy? Should I give it more time? Should I make a clean break? I can't stop thinking about him. I really got my hopes up. Advice please

sounds really strange. i recently dated a guy also 32 who came on super strong like that as well. super sweet, told me things like he had never felt that strong for someone that fast, adored me, always sent me sweet songs saying them reminded him of me ect. well it turns out the guy was not over his ex gf. they had been broken up for 6 months, we dated for 2. she came back he was out.

i have been doing a lot of research and trying to figure out how this all went down and from what i have come upon, guys that are not over their ex have this tendency. they come on hard, strong and fast as a way to help themselves feel better . so this may be a similar situation where the guy is still a bit hung up on his ex wife, or the dynamics of their relationship. maybe he panicked because the argument/ disagreement reminded him of the ex/ feelings and he bailed. i dont know of course but thats how i read it.

i would give him time and space and not jump into a friendship. you cant really be friends with someone for a while after wanting and having more. i would tell him that in the future it would be nice to be friends but for right now, its too difficult to transition from potential relationship to just friends and that your gonna take some time off. i would love to say the time might help him come to his senses, but i have found guys that have this sort of issue take more time to snap out of it and figure it out themselves.

Classic case of one of those people who fast forward through a relationship. Something you give a hint to with this quote:

Things moved very fast.

These types of people will push to fully embrace a relationship full on before you both even really get to know each other. They are addicted to the high of falling in love, will say and do anything to ignite that spark (high). And yes, I've seen people chase the falling in love high with same intensity and ruthlessness that a heroin addict chases their next hit of heroin. It's kind of scary when you start to recognize it for what it is. And the larger trouble with such people is they are terrible, terrible at maintaining and deepening that connection. Usually by the time you start to fall they have burned away the high they were on and they have to move on to the next big thing in their minds. And they can be pretty mean about it too and will usually start finding fault in one way or another rather than just admit maybe it really is them.

In your case my sense is it didn't matter what you said or did, this guy was going to find fault and crash and burn soon anyways. He just landed on the particulars of you not being thrilled he was going out of town instead of spending the holiday with you as his "reason" why it didn't last. I'm sure he has a string of reasons for all of his failed past relationships and will soon be off chasing his next rainbow until she doesn't like the same soup he does, or some other (in his eyes) ridiculous so-called flaw pops up. Take this as a lesson in the sort of person you don't want to get tangled up with and move on. He's done with the show and it's not that he gave up, it's that he came down off of the high. He was never in love with you to begin with or anyone else. He loves the idea of love, but there's likely some damage there somewhere that keeps him from maintaining a lasting bond and he may or may not ever decide to get that fixed. Many don't.

And the fact that he's 32 and still acting like a 6th grader in the love department should be very telling to you. He should have gained enough maturity by now to know that the way you build a relationship is to slowly get to know one another and build something solid--not OMG I loooove you one day then you have disappointed me, go the next. Sorry you had to go through that, it hurts I know but you will recover. Just stay NC and move on.There will be people out there who know how to build something real and lasting with you.

Thank you for the advice. I just can't wrap my brain around it. How do you tell someone you are falling in love with them and then just give up and flip a switch in such a short amount of time. It's just so hard. I know I need to give it time and and have no contact but I can't help to still be hopeful and just wish that I could let go of the hope. I don't know if I could trust that this wouldn't happen again. A roller coaster is unhealthy and as pathetic as it sounds I just want him back even though I feel I am being punished for what his ex put him through. I know I need to just focus on me and making myself happy without him and move on but it's so hard.

Maybe I just want what we had in the beginning and that wasn't real and I just hold on a little stronger because I think I tend to try to fill a void. My father past when I was young. My family is dysfunctional and the man I thought I was going to marry was killed. This man reminded me of how he made me feel. I was so excited that I could potentially find that love again that I have been missing from my life.

I just wish I could accept this and speed up the process. It's effecting my health (mentally and physically). It's affecting my progress in grad school. I got a taste of what I once had that was ripped away from only to have it taken away so soon again.

Some people live for the conquest. I'm not kidding. With friends, lovers, family, etc. they can't stand the fact that they're not number one.

It sucks. It bites. But it's real.

This is really weird. Even tho if his had past trauma for a man to just leave that quick is really weird, it may have been as one of the repliers said his not over his past relationship too. If I was you I'd give him an ultimatum thats all you can do and even though your relationship was only a month. seeing someone you had an intimate relationship with and they or you move on and you being there as a friend can restrict one from moving on. Can sturr up jealous or conflict. I understand your need for love its perfectly normal, but a relationship thats having problems so early wont be good. First month should be all love no conflicts yet because your barely getting to know each other, even if you moved on with the sexual part you two shoukd have a lot more to go on. If sitting down and talking with him didnt work you should start to move on. You'll still have those feelings for awhile who knows maybe he will come back then its up to you but there is no point in getting your hopes up.

Im going through soemthing similar i just posted mine here too but remember to take things as advice and not over think things.

When someone comes on too strong, too fast, they're flying high on the adrenaline rush of fantasy. The problem with that is, the reality pin always pops that bubble--and once it's popped, you're dirt.

Once a fantasizer decides that you're dirt, there's no recovery from that.

So stay away from fantasizers. They play dirty. They don't do it intentionally, but, c'mOn--anyone who puts you on a pedestal before they've even invested the time to know you isn't operating in your best interests--they're trying to make their pictures happen. You can sneeze the wrong way, and you're out--so don't set yourself up for that, no matter how tempting and flattering the whole thing 'appears'.

Head high, and shoot for 'real'.

It is very painful, for sure. A 'rebound' is NOTHING real or natural. One does NOT 'love' anyone in a month's time.

Sadly, you've had to learn this the hard way...

He said it all because he was 'carrying; it on from his last relationship, into yours. Which was wrong of him to do. As he was NOT ready to move on into another involvement.

When we meet someone things really need to go slowly.....

When they RUSH into it.. it's not right or healthy. And so often these relations end as fast as they begin. A classic rebound.

Also, you asked 'why he'd give up so easily'? The thing is.. is he never had anything to 'give' in the first place. Those were not 'true' feelings for you. As mentioned, he was carrying it on into your relationship from his last one.

After a BU, one needs to take some serious down time to accept & heal for a while. They need to get themselves back together emotionally and mentally.

At least now you're aware of what a rebound is like and will be more alert should it happen again, that's the good thing.

You might want to look up rebound relationships to understand more.. but so many here who've replied are all correct.

None of it was 'real'. Very sorry this has been done to you.

tc

He met someone else...easier to manipulate than you. Flipped a switch=met someone else.

Sorry, I don't mean to be cruel.

Thank you all for the advice. It seems the best thing to do is to start taking steps to let it go. I have blocked his number, deactivated facebook. I can't have reminders if I'm really going to move on and I can't anticipate or hope for a real apology or him asking for me back. I can't have my head played with any longer and I'd rather not know that he hasn't tried to make an effort to fix things. Time for a new focus. Let me know if you guys have any other suggestions to help me move on. The faster the better.

His insistence on bringing the issue up over and over seems to me like he may have been baiting you into insisting, giving your blessings, bells and whistles from you to go on his trip to Vegas. However you were true to your feelings. It was ok that he went but you would miss him on the holiday.

He wasn't able to separate his past experiences and his immaturity to look beyond that and go.

He's just not ready to be in a relationship and is most likely rebounding.

Sometimes people subconsciously sabotage things just like this. They try to put you into the position of ending it so in a weird way they feel relieved of the responsibility.

I think he may have had some greater satisfaction had you really been mad then he could have replayed an old dynamic left over from his past relationship and come out the winner. . Yay for him -NOT.

Crazy subconscious stuff. . but agree with others.

This isn't about you. . he's just not relationship material right now.

its good you are able to see the need to move on and forward. in my situation even though its pretty damn clear he used me as a way to get over and then back with his ex, my feelings still have not moved on , i am still stuck in that intense infatuation and feeling of loss. i wish you luck