How did your true love end?

My true love was not my first love. I had one other boyfriend before him that I did love but not in the same way. It wasn't until I met my true love that I realized that this was a love I knew I would never experience with anyone else. And as with all first loves and true loves, it ended badly.

I met him when I was 22 years old living in a other state. We did long distance for 2 years and then I moved to his state to be closer to him. I am now 26 years old still living in his state but no longer together. It didn't work out for many reasons. I had a lot of resentment toward him for things that he had done in the past but regardless I always loved him. I wish I could stop to be honest but it's so hard. I've just come to accept the fact that we will probably never get the chance we deserve.

My problem is that we haven't been together in over a year. We have talked on and off about trying to work things out but he never followed through with anything he said. I've been dating a new guy since then and I can't seem to be affectionate with him at all. We have had sex but he has said he wants me to kiss him more and be more cuddly. Normally that has never been a problem for me but after my ex I can't seem to feel affectionate toward anyone other than him. None of it feels right. This new guy is so sweet. He is truly a great guy that I should be lucky to have but no matter what I always have that feeling in my stomach that something is wrong. That I belong with my ex and that's why nothing ever feels right. Like his hand doesn't fit mine the way my exs did. His kisses are great but it doesn't effect my the way my ex did. His hugs don't go deep like my ex. Idk how to get out of this funk. I know my ex and I will not work. I feel like first loves always end bad and they never end up together.

How do I get out of this feeling? I really like this new guy but he is not stupid and realizes my mind is somewhere else sometimes. I have tried forgetting about my ex. We don't even talk anymore i don't even have his number but I feel like my heart will always be with his. Like i can't open myself up to anyone else the way I did with him. I'm afraid this is going to only hurt any future relationships I may have.

Have any of you ever felt like this? I've waited a long time to date. And when I feel like I'm ready it goes well and then boom all the affection hits me like a bomb and I feel like I'm smothered or bothered by their love because it's not coming from my ex. I don't want to feel this way.

So I guess I'm just trying to see if this is normal with first loves? Have you ever gotten over them? When you think about them after years do you still get that pit in your stomach?

Also how did your first love end? Do they all end badly?

I don't even remember....I am sure I was crushed at the time, but I am now with thee

Love of my life...30 odd years later.

Each relationship is unique and they all end differently than the last.. usually.

I feel you're just not 'ready' to date yet. You aren't over your ex enough in order to move on into anything else in a healthy manner. Emotionally or mentally.

I suggest you give yourself some more time- on your own. Don't feel you have to be involved all the time. We so often need that down time, especially after a break up to work on getting ourselves together again, in order to move on.

You're seeing somone new but all you're doing is comparing to your ex. That's not right or fair to him.

With the fact you know and he's starting to pick up on it? I suggest you come to terms with this and admit you still need your time to deal with your past.

Your story sounds so sad. You know it will not work between the two of you. He hasn't tried and pulled through. Why deprive yourself of feeling that way again. Agree with sosad, that you shouldn't compare but if you do do it in favour of your new guy. Such as, mention what he offers that your ex did not and how he makes you feel, ensconced maybe?

Why don't you try to remember how you felt after ending things with your first love, that maybe you thought nothing would be good as this.

Also, if he were your true love you would still be together. Mhowe found hers after 3 decades but it was a new person. Keep searching for that true love, and not waiting. I don't think you're ready to date as well and it's not fair to your new guy.

It sucks, I know, knowing that the two of you were so compatible, the way he made you feel and what could have been something lifelong and special. I don't have anything to say to how you can change your feelings about someone you thought was your true love. Know only this, you will meet a lot of people during your lifetime, and until it is over you cannot know for sure who your true love is until you reach the end of it. You are not even halfway through your life and he is not there beside you now. He could be.

Ugh that feeling of being with someone new and realizing all of the little things that don't feel right about it but should.. I totally understand you. Definitely nip that relationship before you really hurt him, explain that you're just not ready and if he is as good of a person as you say he is, he will understand. I had to do that with someone already and it sucked, but it's better than ruining another friendship. Just focus on yourself, hang out with friends, meet new people, experience new things. There is much to do in this world beyond finding love.

I think that I loved differently for each of my ex's that I was in love with. One true love? For me, I don't think it exists...

I get what your all saying. I feel you are all right I'm probably not ready. But how long do I have to wait? I feel like I've been waiting so long and when I finally felt like I was ready to be with someone new I couldn't shake this stupid feeling I get. I do want to continue seeing the new guy to see if maybe I can get passed this feeling. I feel like if I don't try harder I will just end up alone again and missing out on all of these good guys. This new guy is seriously so sweet and I feel terrible that I can't give him the love he wants. Do you think I should try a little more to see if I can do it or just let him go?

Do you think I should try a little more to see if I can do it or just let him go?

I think it's not fair to him to not be into the relationship as much as you should be. It's normal not to want to be alone. But to only be into something with a good person half heartedly isn't fair. And you shouldn't have to work harder or fake it. It should be there naturally. You're not ready sweetheart. If you care about him even a little bit, you should cut him loose and heal fully before taking someone else seriously again.

However, if you don't want a serious relationship and he is cool with that.... then that's another ball game entirely and I think that's fine.

It takes time to heal. Eventually you'll be ready to open yourself to someone again.

Edit addition: I do know the feeling of perfect chemistry with someone. You described it in your original post. That is very hard to find more than a few times. I've had it twice. Does perfect chemistry equate to "one true love"? I don't know... But I am constantly searching for that person again who kisses and moves perfectly in sync with me...who can stop me in my tracks with a sexy look and a gentle touch on the wrist...make me forget what the heck I was saying. The one who I can make shiver by a simple breath on her neck or even just being too close to her brushing past her at a function or event...

THAT is extremely difficult to find. I had it, and I want it again. And I will never settle for anything less. I explained it because maybe you're confusing great chemistry with love... just an observation taken from my own experiences and something to think about I guess.

A year isn't very long, don't be so hard on yourself for not bring over it. And don't force yourself to love this guy, if it isn't happening now it probably won't. Something a co-worker said to me recently that really resonated.. She said, "Anyone I date from now on must have had their heart completely broken." I think that rings true for a lot of people.

"I had one other boyfriend before him that I did love but not in the same way. It wasn't until I met my true love that I realized that this was a love I knew I would never experience with anyone else."

And yet, you don't know that perhaps there is someone out there who you will love even more than that. It didn't work out for, as you mentioned, many reasons. How much better will "true" love be when it actually does work out, and those reasons that prevented you from staying together aren't strong enough to keep you apart? I think you have forgotten how to dream. It will be hard to connect with someone when you are not dreaming and expecting something better or different than what you had before. You need to learn to dream again before you can figure out how someone else might fit into that dream.

But I get that you thought you were, or thought you should be, ready to move on. Sometimes you have to step out and fall to realize your wings are still broken. Unfortunately, time doesn't heal all wounds. It TAKES time, but it's what you do with that time that matters. I get the feeling that you just pushed a lot of what you were dealing with aside and ignored it until you thought it was gone - and then now you are in a situation that's resurfacing all the stuff you never dealt with. How your hands fit together, really? You are still idolizing your ex. In some ways the time is actually damaging, because you are further away from the true events and your mind can remember things however it wants to. That "hand-fitting" moment you remember may have been just a stupid small little blip of an emotion at the time, which you've now blown up into this great moment or series of moments. There may have been times you were with him that you feel like you do now, not quite there - but you have suppressed all of those negative emotions.

There was a time with my ex "true love" (haha. not really sure I believe this anymore) where I actually didn't think I loved her and was planning on breaking up. It only lasted a day, but in the several years of recovery from the breakup I had to continually remind myself that that has actually happened. To this day I still have a hard time convincing myself that I almost broke up with her long before she broke up with me.

A year isn't very long, don't be so hard on yourself for not bring over it. And don't force yourself to love this guy, if it isn't happening now it probably won't. Something a co-worker said to me recently that really resonated.. She said, "Anyone I date from now on must have had their heart completely broken." I think that rings true for a lot of people.

I hope not all women share that intention. It will take a very long time for both people to get intimate with each other as they would not let their guard down so easily. Even if you date long after you have healed those memories of being heartbroken will creep in soon after the first argument or comparisons.

A year is a very short period of time when you talk about recovering from a significant relationship.

Some studies put average healing time for divorce at 18 months

Now that's average, some take less, some more.

Hang in there and you will heal. As far as your new boyfriend I'd let him go as it doesn't sound like you're I'm the head space to date yet.