Girl left me because I insulted her

I am 24 (she is too), and month ago i met first girlfriend in my life.

It was very fun month, we spent 3-6 hours daily hanging out, kissing, travelling, touching etc, no sex though, cause she is conservative, does not party, drink, swear, etc. We really connected and she was into me. But then one day we were sitting in the park and i jokingly insulted her by saying "shut up" when she was talking non stop. In my language that sounded very disrespectful, but i sincerely apologized and i didn't mean it at all, I would never insult other person on purpose.

Anyways, next day she was quite cold for me, and one more day later she said she wants to be alone and she thinks she can't be only with me, because i speak very harshly with her. Well I sometimes do stupid jokes but she usually like it, so i think she is overreacting little bit, but maybe she is just very sensitive and really got insulted.

I apologized once again over the phone and asked if it's over and she said she can't say for sure, then i apologized once again and asked the same, and she said "yes". So i said "good luck, it was fun with you, bye".

I am on no contact for 2 days and i will be on NC with a hope that she will contact me. Also, I am not 100% sure she left me only because of insult, but if that's indeed the reason, is there anything i can do, considering i apologized her few times? Maybe she does not think i am sincere in my apologies, especially cause i mostly only apologized over text or phone. Maybe i should apologize her in person sometime in few weeks?

If I do that right now, I will look like needy and that I cannot live without her, right? But maybe I wait few weeks and the do that? I would really want her to come back because it hurts me so much if it's indeed by stupid words which made her leave me.

Thank you very much for any advice!

Don`t feel sorry, it was just a month, and if she can`t get that joke of yours - you should stay apart. You are simply different, that's all. If that wasn't the real issue here, some other issues would come to the surface later, in my opinion. Stick to NC and if you want - wait for some time, but don't put too much hope into it. She may come back, she may not. You said your sorry - now its up to her to see if she can get past that or not.

Can you call yourself conservative too? Do you drink/party/swear a lot? You definitely can tell people to shut up jokingly, so don't you think you would fight quite often if you stayed together, because she is conservative/different?

Don`t feel sorry, it was just a month, and if she can`t get that joke of yours - you should stay apart. You are simply different, that's all. If that wasn't the real issue here, some other issues would come to the surface later, in my opinion. Stick to NC and if you want - wait for some time, but don't put too much hope into it. She may come back, she may not. You said your sorry - now its up to her to see if she can get past that or not.

 

Can you call yourself conservative too? Do you drink/party/swear a lot? You definitely can tell people to shut up jokingly, so don't you think you would fight quite often if you stayed together, because she is conservative/different?

It's just a month, but we were so connected and i liked her so much. It's hard to find a girl who does not drink, party, but does sports, etc.

Well I don't drink, party and swear very rarely, usually just to make exaggeration of the point. I said her that day, "can you don't speak for a while and be quiet", but she didn't so i made an exaggeration jokingly.

So you think there is no benefit in contacting her and apologizing once again the future? I thought maybe it's possible that she felt my apologies weren't sincere enough and I may do that again.

If I was with a guy that I liked for just a month and he asked me to shut up and not talk - I think I would also take it personally and part our ways. Its is important to be a good listener, even if your girl talks about sh*t that you have no interest in. If you got tired of her speaking a lot after only a month....I don't think this relationship had a future, to be honest.

And well, if she decided it wasn't worth it after all, I doubt she felt as connected to you as you were to her. Just take it as a lesson and watch your mouth next time you find a nice girl you like.

I said her that day, "can you don't speak for a while and be quiet", but she didn't so i made an exaggeration jokingly.

Whilst I might not find that insulting, I would find it extremely rude. If it were me I would probably take offence (rightly or wrongly) if someone asked me not so speak for a while and be quiet. It's a bit of a confidence crusher to be honest. All in all I would come to the conclusion that we were totally incompatible.

If I was with a guy that I liked for just a month and he asked me to shut up and not talk - I think I would also take it personally and part our ways. Its is important to be a good listener, even if your girl talks about sh*t that you have no interest in. If you got tired of her speaking a lot after only a month....I don't think this relationship had a future, to be honest.

And well, if she decided it wasn't worth it after all, I doubt she felt as connected to you as you were to her. Just take it as a lesson and watch your mouth next time you find a nice girl you like.

But I said that with a big smile in my face, making it as much funny as possible. It wasn't serious at all, and then I apologized her immediately. I saw she was really upset because I said that, but I didn't mean it. It hurts for me as much if not more as for her for what i said.

Whilst I might not find that insulting, I would find it extremely rude. If it were me I would probably take offence (rightly or wrongly) if someone asked me not so speak for a while and be quiet. It's a bit of a confidence crusher to be honest. All in all I would come to the conclusion that we were totally incompatible.

I agree it was very rude, but I said it more as a joke.

Either way, as a female, do you think there is something I can do now to get her forgive me? Because I sincerely didn't mean it, and I like listening her talk, it's just we were sitting for an hour, and I jokingly said can be quiet little bit (so we can kiss and stuff).

I mean if I meet her in person and apologize, do you think that would workout or i would seem like desperate?

OP, seriously, you were only "together" for a month - hardly time to really get to know each other. You insulted and hurt her feelings. You apologized a couple of times. She decided to end it. No point in beating a dead horse anymore. Damage is done, Time to let it go and move on.

OP, seriously, you were only "together" for a month - hardly time to really get to know each other. You insulted and hurt her feelings. You apologized a couple of times. She decided to end it. No point in beating a dead horse anymore. Damage is done, Time to let it go and move on.

A month seem like a small amount of time, but we were together EVERY day for many hours and really connected, so it's not like we went to few dates and that's it.

Again what I am saying, considering that my apologies were over the phone and texts, maybe she feels like I wasn't sincere about my apologies and that I don't care about her feelings? Maybe that's why I should do that in person so she can see I really care.

I mean put yourself in her place, maybe if guy came to you and sincerely apologized, you would feel like he is genuine and didn't mean to insult you.

What I am essentially asking, what is the higher chance of her coming back: if I apologize her in person, or I do no contact and she will come herself? Because If she really does not like me, then it does not matter what I do, we are done, so there is nothing wrong with apologizing more time.

Again what I am saying, considering that my apologies were over the phone and texts, maybe she feels like I wasn't sincere about my apologies and that I don't care about her feelings? Maybe that's why I should do that in person so she can see I really care.

You apologised once when it happened in front of her. Then you apologised again over the phone - not once, but twice. Now you want to apologise yet again (in person). She clearly is no longer interested and no matter how many more times you choose to apologise, it makes no difference - she's heard it a number of times now, it hasn't changed her mind. Learn to accept that what's done is done and learn from your mistakes. The girl is no longer interested. Time to let it go and move on already.

You apologised once when it happened in front of her. Then you apologised again over the phone - not once, but twice. Now you want to apologise yet again (in person). She clearly is no longer interested and no matter how many more times you choose to apologise, it makes no difference - she's heard it a number of times now, it hasn't changed her mind. Learn to accept that what's done is done and learn from your mistakes. The girl is no longer interested. Time to let it go and move on already.

Maybe you are right Do you think if I will keep no contact, there are chances that she will contact me herself?

I agree it was very rude, but I said it more as a joke.

 

Either way, as a female, do you think there is something I can do now to get her forgive me? Because I sincerely didn't mean it, and I like listening her talk, it's just we were sitting for an hour, and I jokingly said can be quiet little bit (so we can kiss and stuff).

 

I mean if I meet her in person and apologize, do you think that would workout or i would seem like desperate?

Well you can only meet her in person if she wanted to also.

Reading between the lines, it seems this isn't the first time she has been offended by your words. Maybe you are too harsh, maybe she is too sensitive ... I don't know ... but she seems fairly certain that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with "only" you. You've already apologised. If that hasn't changed anything then she is unlikely going to want to meet with you so you can apologise again.

Well you can only meet her in person if she wanted to also.

 

Reading between the lines, it seems this isn't tbe first time she has beem offended by your words. Maybe you are too harsh, maybe she is too sensitive ... I don't know ... but she seems fairly certain that she can't be with you. You've already apologised. If that hasn't changed anything then she is unlikely going to want to meet with you so you can apologise again.

You are right, I sometimes drop those little insults, but only jokingly, and she liked them. I just like to "neg" her sometimes if you know what I mean, she said it's one of the things she liked about me. Of course I never do that stuff like in the park, that was way over the top.

Also, we live quite closely in student campus, so I likely may see her in following weeks, and I can apologize there, not necessarily to make an meeting with her.

Anyways, seems like you are guys correct and it's waste of time..

I'm not sure that anyone likes "insults"!!! She might have made attempts at laughing them off because she didn't know how else to react or how to take them ... but over time she would have come to the conclusion that you either didn't like her very much or you got a kick out of insulting her/putting her down. Either way it can knock someone's confidence or self-esteem.

If you see her around, be civil, be polite and if you get the chance to chat let her know you didn't mean those things personally and that it was just your clumsy attempt at trying to be funny. It still might not bring her back but it might help restore any knocks there may have been to her confidence.

I'm not sure that anyone likes "insults"!!! She might have made attempts at laughing them off because she didn't know how else to react or how to take them ... but over time she would have come to the conclusion that you either didn't like her very much or you got a kick out of insulting her/putting her down. Either way it can knock someone's confidence or self-esteem.

 

If you see her around, be civil, be polite and if you get the chance to chat let her know you didn't mean those things personally and that it was just your clumsy attempt at trying to be funny. It still might not bring her back but it might help restore any knocks there may have been to her confidence.

Well some women like those little things when instead of saying compliment you sometimes tell her opposite. Like you say she is fat (when she isn't and she knows it), etc. I noticed that she is not a fan of them, but she always had wide smile on here face when I saying such things, so I figured she enjoys it.

I mean it's more interesting when you talk some nonsense from time to time, opposed to always complementing her and saying how good she is, isn't it?

Thanks a-little-blue I'll take your advice, and if i meet her, i'll try to be nice with her, we'll see where it goes.

No-one likes or enjoys being insulted. It shows bad manners, immaturity, is tactless and very rude to intentionally insult people. I highly doubt she was ever amused or enjoyed your insults - she was probably being polite, until it got too much.

How old are you? Maybe it has something to do with your age, but you really need to learn that what you do (insulting people and think it's fun and amusing), is really very uncouth and very immature. Learn from this thread, that it is NOT okay. You will never keep a relationship if this is how you behave.

No-one likes or enjoys being insulted. It shows bad manners, immaturity, is tactless and very rude to intentionally insult people. I highly doubt she was ever amused or enjoyed your insults - she was probably being polite, until it got too much.

 

How old are you? Maybe it has something to do with your age, but you really need to learn that what you do (insulting people and think it's fun and amusing), is really very uncouth and very immature. Learn from this thread, that it is NOT okay. You will never keep a relationship if this is how you behave.

You don't understand. I am not talking about what I said that day like "shut up" - that's very impolite and I completely agree that no one likes it. But little sarcasm or mini things which make her feel little bit bad on herself are sometimes good. Maybe you think it's not case for you, but I definitely know women who enjoy that and it's a fact.

And again, I am only talking if it's done sometimes and in appropriate situation when she has a good time and we are both have good mood.

In my case I probably went over the board with it, and hence hurt her self-esteem. That's my fault I completely agree.

You don't understand. But little sarcasm or mini things which make her feel little bit bad on herself are sometimes good..

Are you serious!? Making someone feel bad about themselves is a good thing?? Don't know what kind of girls you find who enjoy this, but I have never met anyone like this in my entire life. You're right, I will never, ever understand. Not sure if you're just messing with us here, but I find this really hard to believe.

But little sarcasm or mini things which make her feel little bit bad on herself are sometimes good. eeem, NO. A little bit sarcasm can be good with people that like it. Sarcasm is not for everybody, like black humor or sex jokes. No one enjoys being put down or insulted. Especially girls you are dating for just a month and you think you like. You should be telling her compliments and how you enjoy talking to her, not to shut up! Where you got that idea???

Its like kindergarten, or first classes of school where boys punch girls they like because they have no idea how to express sympathy...

But little sarcasm or mini things which make her feel little bit bad on herself are sometimes good. eeem, NO. A little bit sarcasm can be good with people that like it. Sarcasm is not for everybody, like black humor or sex jokes. No one enjoys being put down or insulted. Especially girls you are dating for just a month and you think you like. You should be telling her compliments and how you enjoy talking to her, not to shut up! Where you got that idea???

Its like kindergarten, or first classes of school where boys punch girls they like because they have no idea how to express sympathy...

Why you mention "shut up" here? As i said many times, that's obviously not right, i am not talking about that.

"A little bit sarcasm can be good with people that like it. Sarcasm is not for everybody, like black humor or sex jokes."

Exactly. It's definitely not for everybody, but in all month we communicated she seemed to enjoy it. She even told me she really likes my sense of humor.

"No one enjoys being put down or insulted."

Of course not. But if you do that in a very subtle way with her knowing it's a joke, then it's often funny for both of us. I know that's true. It does not work for everyone definitely. And it can easily be overdone.

I think she really was upset due to my insulting her that day, and not for my little humor which i had going with me always. I mean, until that one day, she was super nice to me and we were very happy.

Anyways, I am just so so sad that I broke everything due to some stupid nonsense which I didn't even mean to say.

But then one day we were sitting in the park and i jokingly insulted her by saying "shut up" when she was talking non stop That is why.

Well maybe she never really liked it, but had no balls to tell you because she liked you? Because I think that if she was seriously that kind of girl she wouldn't be insulted with what you said to her in the end.

But then one day we were sitting in the park and i jokingly insulted her by saying "shut up" when she was talking non stop That is why.

 

Well maybe she never really liked it, but had no balls to tell you because she liked you? Because I think that if she was seriously that kind of girl she wouldn't be insulted with what you said to her in the end.

Because what I said in the end was way harsher than anything i said before. Even I would probably get insulted for that, even though I am very tolerant person and it's hard to insult me if you don't mean it seriously.

I am just so stupid I said that, I absolutely didn't mean it, it just somehow I thought at that time it would sound funny. You can't imagine how much i regret that..

Well some women like those little things when instead of saying compliment you sometimes tell her opposite. Like you say she is fat (when she isn't and she knows it), etc. I noticed that she is not a fan of them, but she always had wide smile on here face when I saying such things, so I figured she enjoys it.

 

I mean it's more interesting when you talk some nonsense from time to time, opposed to always complementing her and saying how good she is, isn't it?

 

Umm ... "no" .... will be the short answer to that.

 

Calling a girl fat - whether she is or she isn't - is not a wise move. Whilst she might know you were joking, you would still come accross as an insensitive jerk. What if she had an eating disorder or knows someone who has? It is a possibility.

 

But little sarcasm or mini things which make her feel little bit bad on herself are sometimes good. Maybe you think it's not case for you, but I definitely know women who enjoy that and it's a fact.

 

It isn't a fact childintime. You have that 100% wrong. A little joke here and there is fine ... but insults, sarcasm and making one feel bad about themselves is not something women enjoy! Some women may laugh it off because they won't know how to react or they may want to seem "cool" but ... and make no mistake about it ...you will, at the very worst, be chipping away at their self-confidence ... at best, they would just assume you were a jerk and end things with you ... which is exactly what did happen. Listen to what this girl has said to you .... she found your words too harsh to be with you. The way you spoke to her - and I assume she mean's over the period of a month - is what ended things and that will happen time and time again unless you realise you cannot insult women.

Dude,you're out to lunch here. People rarely like sarcasm that's directed against them. And she obviously didn't because she dumped you. It wasn't just your one comment at the end, it was all the junk that came out of your mouth leading up to that.

It was one month and no matter how connected you felt, she wasn't. This is done forever

Learn your lesson and move on

If you don't mean something .... DON'T say it! .... whatever the situation. Honesty is always the best policy and that rings true for almost every situation.

If you are wooing a girl, for the God of Love do NOT insult her!

Assuming she did like your sense of humour, I'm guess the mistake you made was to come on stronger each and every time she laughed. At some point you started coming on too strong with the insults and sarcasm and she stopped liking it.

Telling her to "shut up" was the icing on the cake and even though you now recognise this, your apology was too little too late.

Take this as a very valuable lesson.

She isn't coming back ---- ever.

No one wants to be subjected to that type of infantile humor from their bf. I am surprised that your friends haven't called you out on you juvenile sense of humor and sarcasm.

Let this be a lesson: treat your next gf with respect.