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hAVE TO PICK SON OVER WIFE WHO I ADORE AND LOVE


pblack

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I will apologise in advance as this is my first post so hope I get it right. I was with my Ex for 4 years and we had a son, Shortly after he was born around the 6 month mark I met another woman and fell head over heels in love with her, I was still in contact with my ex and son whilst I was back as I work over seas for 3 months at a time. My new partner at first was ok with this but never great with it. We finally got married and my new wife said some horrid things about my son and my ex during a argument that my ex partner read. It was then a choice of continue to see my son or loose my wife and of course being blinded by love I picked my new wife. 3 years down the line I can not cope with the guilt of leaving my son and having no contact so I made the bold move of contacting my ex partner on Skype and she was really great about it all and allows me to see my son and talk with him on Skype, he is an amazing little boy and all he goes on about is when is his dad coming to see him truly heart breaking in all honesty. I also have to mention that if I were to say anything to my wife she would go nuts and it would cause major fights and endless arguments again. My new wife is now at the stage where she wants a baby with me and takes every chance going to bring it up in front of anyone and put me on the spot. I have said I don't see the son I have or look after him and at 38 I don't want another child but she is insistent on this subject. I have decided despite the fact that I love her that I must walk away and build a relationship with my beautiful boy who deserves a father in his life. I feel sad and sick at the thought of leaving her but I know if I do stay I will have to give up any chance of seeing my son again. It has also been said that when she is due I give up work to come home and be a stay at home dad . I know I will give up work the chance of seeing my boy and any decent financial future we have if this happens and I am sure I will go down hill fast as I have worked hard all my life and want to keep going. Sorry if I have rattled on I guess I am just looking to see if any one thinks I am right to finally make amends and try and be a father to my son even if it does mean my marriage is over.

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what kind of a demented woman doesn't allow her husband to see his son??? be careful not to have unprotected sex with her lest she 'accidentally' get pregnant. I don't think you acted all that well a few years ago, but I am glad you are trying to rebuild a relationship with your son. It's too bad your wife can't let you spend time with him.

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Wow, your wife is unbelievable! Can people really be this cold and selfish? There was absolutely no need for her to EVER disrespect your ex partner or your son. Instead you could have all worked together so that you could remain in your son's life. What a shame you couldn't see that giant big red flag at that point!

 

Your ex has remained dignified and mature throughout this, yet your wife - the one who got you anyway - has behaved like a spoiled, petulant child. Now she wants YOU to give up work so you can bring up a baby. I can't help but think that this women is looking for a reason to cut everyone out of your life apart from her.

 

He is YOUR son .... YOUR flesh and blood. A beautiful little being that YOU helped to create who just wants to see his Daddy. Your wife has no business in stopping you from seeing him and if she can't shut up and listen to you and understand that it is breaking your heart instead of making it about her then she needs to go get her brain re-wired because something isn't connecting properly!

 

Don't feel sick to leave her. Feel empowered. This woman wants to control your life completely. It is her way or NO way. It won't end here.

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Everyone thank you for the opinions, I am totally wracked with guilt how I behaved back then and I cant make an exscuse for my actions at all I have lived day in day out with it. I just want to make up for not being there for my boy he sits on cam at night is so smart and funny and isn't shy at all to tell me he is waiting at the door every day for me and he will keep waiting until I knock, There is no way in the world I could ever hurt or let him down again and my ex has been great saying no matter what happened he is my son and I should have a good relationship with him and is more than happy for me to do so. I just pray and hope that his love and affection will make everything worth while the second I go to see him I already know it will and it has been decided that I will be going to his house straight from the airport on the 1st of December and not back home. That is without a doubt what my heart tells me and yes it will come at the price of a marriage but better me get hurt and upset than my boy I think

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Omg my heart just broke reading what your son said about waiting at the door for you to come knocking. Honestly your wife is a cold hearted b*tch, it is a marriage not worth saving. I would be divorcing her regardless of her reaction to you seeing your son at this point. you'll be better off without her, without a doubt.

 

Also as someone else pointed out, make sure to be careful and use protection, you don't want to be tricked into having a baby with this woman, it will be a nightmare.

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I think you might all call me a coward and taking an easy way out but I am not in the UK at the moment and I am in the middle east. I Plan to tell my wife where I am going the second I get back to the UK fully knowing that she will go nuts and demand I go there or never go back again she has major trust issues and gets very very jealous very quick and as soon as I say my plans there will be no returning to my marital home as her temper wont allow it. I think it will make it easier than face to face and have the temper she some times has come out

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Everyone thank you for the opinions, I am totally wracked with guilt how I behaved back then and I cant make an exscuse for my actions at all I have lived day in day out with it. I just want to make up for not being there for my boy he sits on cam at night is so smart and funny and isn't shy at all to tell me he is waiting at the door every day for me and he will keep waiting until I knock,

 

Jesus that brought tears to my eyes!! If your wife can be completely emotionless about this then she is has a cold, cold heart and you will live a cold life. Even if she were to do a U turn for the sake of keeping you and allow you to see your son, I think you would have to think long and hard because eventually that coldness would creep back in and she would control the contact you did have and make it an all round negative experience for your son.

 

The guilt is a good thing. It is spurring you on to make the right decision now. I seriously hope you go through with leaving the ice queen behind behind so that you can rebuild a relationship with your son. No matter what happens, thereonin, your son can be a part of your life.

 

How lucky you are that your ex is baring no grudges.

 

I will be going to his house straight from the airport on the 1st of December and not back home. That is without a doubt what my heart tells me and yes it will come at the price of a marriage but better me get hurt and upset than my boy I think

 

Your marriage isn't really a marriage ... not by any "normal" or "equal" measures anyway. It sounds like a one way journey to hell!

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I think you might all call me a coward and taking an easy way out but I am not in the UK at the moment and I am in the middle east. I Plan to tell my wife where I am going the second I get back to the UK fully knowing that she will go nuts and demand I go there or never go back again she has major trust issues and gets very very jealous very quick and as soon as I say my plans there will be no returning to my marital home as her temper wont allow it. I think it will make it easier than face to face and have the temper she some times has come out

 

 

I'm not going to judge you on how you approach it as, quite bloody frankly, I don't think you owe your wife any compassion whatsoever, at this point. She ripped your relationship with your son apart without a care in the world ... not to mention the relationship with your ex.

 

Out of curiosity, where do you plan on staying if you are not returning to your wife (which, even without knowing you, I want to jump up and down in delight for hearing!!) Are you making permanent plans to be closer to your son? I do hope so!

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I earn pretty decent wages out here so I will be booking in to a hotel for the duration of my stay and will be looking at buying a house close to my son, I am lucky in the way that my wife and I never bought a place and only rented as we could never find the right house as it were. So yes I will be buying a house in Scotland where my son is. I am leaving my wife everything the car everything in the house and the holiday home we bought on the coast pretty much I am walking away with the cloths on my back as they say but I can and will start again possession wise. Some times when I think about this my determination is so bloody strong but then like this morning I get self doubt and start to get down despite knowing the right thing to do and it will be done no question about it I love being a dad and I will be again for him

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Sorry, wife=gone.

 

Her love for you is so shallow as to cut off a piece of your body to protect herself from losing you. She has insecurity about losing you to your ex, which is understandable. So what.

 

True love looks for opportunities to multiply. This is not it. Those 6 months were a welcome escape, perhaps, from the rush of responsibility that arrived with fatherhood. Whatever they were, they weren't an indication of lifelong love, as you thought.

 

She made her bed. Let her lie in it, alone. It won't be long before she fills it. I'm sorry.

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Well, your most treasured possession of all is your son ... he is the one that you need to aim to be getting back right now. Maybe, in time, you can deal with the other stuff (should you want to). I can imagine fighting for these things won't be easy given what you have said about your wife so far. Whatever, for now focus on staying strong for the sake of your son.

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Reading this post has broken my heart. There is no doubt that you're making the right decision. Your son is young enough to one day forget that his daddy wasn't around. I think the credit is owed to your ex. She could have made this a horrible situation for you and yet she welcomes you in your sons life without animosity. He obviously loves you due to what she has spoken of you. In a parents life, the children MUST come first. I think your wife is completely illogical and selfish to ask you not to be a part of his life. That is not a decision she is allowed power over. Unfortunately, I agree with the comments here, you have to leave her regardless of her stance on the subject. She will try too work on it and be accepting but that won't last long. She has controlled the situation for far too long and she won't ever truly be okay with it. I can see your torn because you love your wife, but you are without a doubt moving in the right direction. Marriage is a compromise and she is not putting fourth her effort to see it succeed. Never doubt if you have made the right choice regarding your son. You 100% have. Best of luck, OP. You hug that boy from all of us and tell him you will never be gone for that long again.

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Everyone thank you for the opinions, I am totally wracked with guilt how I behaved back then and I cant make an exscuse for my actions at all I have lived day in day out with it. I just want to make up for not being there for my boy he sits on cam at night is so smart and funny and isn't shy at all to tell me he is waiting at the door every day for me and he will keep waiting until I knock

 

That is the saddest damn thing I have heard in awhile.

 

There are no words to describe your wife - Don't let the doubts creep in. You are doing the right thing without a shadow of a doubt. You can always buy another car. You can buy new things. You can't replace your son.

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Thank you each and everyone of you for your thoughts on this, I really does make a difference and seeing how many of you feel the same gives me the strength to know I am without a doubt doing the right thing by my boy and by myself in the long run, Your right possessions mean nothing and I can replace them in the future one thing I can replace is how my son looks at me and what he feels and thinks about me when he grows and I want to be there to help him grow thank you all so much

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I am a father of a 14 year old boy and I can tell you without a doubt that you are doing the right thing. Children are very forgiving and luckily he was so young he won't remember much of when you were not there so make the most of this second chance with him.

 

As far as your current wife goes. From what you described son or no son I would get out of that relationship as fast as you can. You have totally different plans for a family, she is extremely selfish, jealous, demanding, uncaring and doesn't sound like she will make a good mother.

 

You screwed up but you have a chance to make that right so leave the past and its mistakes where they belong and move forward and get to know your son and build a strong bond that will last a lifetime.

 

Lost

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My husband and I each have children from prior relationships. One thing very clear is that the kids come before us - not to say that we devalue our relationship to be lesser than that of a parent/child or that we put the kids in charge. But, our kids - or actually his kids have had a tougher time with their parents divorce and their father's remarriage. My son was pretty young during that time and hasn't much memory and was actually at a place where he wanted a step dad and siblings. Our marriage has taken a back seat many times because we are dealing with his kids. Its life. I would never say its me or the kids.

 

You will eventually find a woman who will love both you and your son. I'm glad you are realizing your mistake now before you miss out on even more.

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Your first obligation is to your son. You should never have married a woman that would make you choose like this between him or her. If you have a child with her it will pull you even further away from your son b/c she will then hold that as power over you b/c you are allowing her to control this situation. Do the right thing and tell her she is out of line and either she will lovingly welcome your son into your life together or you are out. I would choose HIM everyday of the week and twice on Sundays over her.

 

Someone who loves you would never make you make a choice like that. She is selfish beyond measure...if you were to choose her over your son you would end up regretting it and resenting her. If she can't compromise and understand that a man takes care of his obligations and see this as a sign of the man you would be to HER children with you too, then you are dealing with someone who doesn't give a $h!t about anything but her own wants.

 

I had to make a decision about loosing the woman I love in a LDR b/c I would not move away from my daughter...I still miss my ex at times (been a few years now since my breakup with her), but, I have never regretted my decision b/c it was the right thing to do.

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It always amazes and astonishes me when parents choose a new partner over their flesh and blood. But it is very very common and breaks my heart.

 

Thank you for being a man and stepping up to the plate for your son who has obviously missed you so much. And please learn a lesson from this that when someone makes you choose, the choice should never be that person. I don't think your son would ever look at you and say "Daddy choose me or my step-mom."

 

This strikes a cord with me because my ex husband has remarried a very insecure woman who does not let my ex husband spend any alone time with our son. Her first husband is dead so for all intents and purposes my ex husband is her daughters' father. They get to see him 7 days a week, while our son only saw his father every 2 weeks (and now hasn't seen him since July/early August).

 

It sounds like your wife is going to get what she has coming to her. I know that's probably not right to say on my part, but she must be completely selfish and heartless to force you to choose her over your son.

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It sounds like your wife is going to get what she has coming to her. I know that's probably not right to say on my part, but she must be completely selfish and heartless to force you to choose her over your son.

 

In this case, I think we are all in agreement with you!

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Thanks once again guys and gals, I know I made a mistake a few years back and I know it was wrong I cant explain why I did it or even for what reason I am at a total loss to be honest all I know is I thought about it everyday and as soon as it was safe for me to do so I reached out to his mum who thank god was good enough to let me see and talk with my son, from the second I re seen him in the flesh I have spent every night listening to how he is what he does at school and how man days it will be until he sees his daddy and that above all else keeps me going I have hidden all this from my wife as I am in the middle east for 3 months right now and the last thing I need is abuse on here so it is easier all round for me to just get on a plane home in December and instead of turning left out the airport I turn right and head straight to pick my amazing wee man up from school

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I want to give you props for doing the right thing. I think far too many men wait until their kids are grown, and by then the kids just don't care and have no desire to form a relationship with the absent parent. I know that's a generalization and that some do eventually reconcile, but I'm just so happy that your son, who sounds wonderful, is getting a second chance with his Dad. You are both in my prayers and I really hope you will keep us updated in December as the reunion unfolds.

 

Too many times people come here to post sad stories. Your story is very inspiring and I hope you will keep us informed.

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