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Introvert Girlfriend decided to breakup, so she could spend more time alone?


devilbladz

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So I've been dating a girl for over a year who is an introvert (someone who gets drained from spending time with others and likes to be alone with her thoughts). I was always very understanding if she wanted to be alone at times, but one day I was upset about something else on my mind and I said somethings when she wanted to be alone that upset her. I apologized right after and gave her space to be alone, a week later. She told me she wanted to breakup for now and just concentrate on herself, that our relationship was too much for her to handle right now. I got a bit blind sided by this so I tried to talk her out of it, but that only got her more mad at me, so she stopped talking to me. A month later one of our friends while wasted said I was really upset and told her if I didn't stop thinking about her I would do something stupid like hurt myself.

 

Her mom called me a month later and told me about her introvert behavior and how she closed herself off from everyone except me at times, just because she cared about me and wanted our relationship to workout and was afraid if she didn't spend enough time with me that she would lose me. I told her I already knew about it, as we've been together for a long time and I accepted that as a part of her and loved her all the same. She then told me about how scared her daughter was when she heard I was going to hurt myself that she felt she needed to cut all ties with me to prevent me from clinging onto her and doing something stupid. Her mom told me she would try her best to talk to her daughter and hopefully smooth things out between us over time. She told me that her daughter still loves/cares about me very much and she knew I loved her, so she wanted us to work out.

 

Should I just wait patiently and hope with time she comes out of her shell and talks to me again? Any advice on what I can do? It's been 3 months since the breakup and I miss her.

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You really just need to focus on you and move on man. She saw something and decided she didn't want to be with you anymore. Is she an introvert? Sure... but that's not an excuse to end a relationship. When someone says they need time to themselves you have to take it to mean... they don't want to be with you right now. Focus on you.

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Honestly, if my daughter had an ex who was saying her breaking up with him was going to make him do something drastic, I would do my best to keep him away from her. Her cutting ties at hearing that was the smartest thing she could have done.

 

Did you engage in that kind of drama while you were wiht her? Because that would drain anyone, introvert or not.

 

 

At the end of the day, she doesn't want to be with you. And she doesn't have to be. And trying to get people to intercede on your behalf is not going to change her mind about that.

 

You need to work on yourself and moving on. It hurts, and it's not fair, but life isn't.

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I agree with agent. This girl probably realized she can't be the kind of girlfriend you want, and I'm sure hearing that you were thinking about hurting yourself further solidified that this break up was for the bset.

 

Heal and move on, and don't put all of your focus on a relationship. You need to be strong and happy single before you can be strong and happy in a relationship.

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Honestly, if my daughter had an ex who was saying her breaking up with him was going to make him do something drastic, I would do my best to keep him away from her. Her cutting ties at hearing that was the smartest thing she could have done.

 

Did you engage in that kind of drama while you were wiht her? Because that would drain anyone, introvert or not.

 

 

At the end of the day, she doesn't want to be with you. And she doesn't have to be. And trying to get people to intercede on your behalf is not going to change her mind about that.

 

You need to work on yourself and moving on. It hurts, and it's not fair, but life isn't.

 

Well that's the thing I never did anything drastic, all I did was talking about my feelings of being heart broken to one of our friends and she was wasted one night and decided to tell my ex how I felt ontop of some stuff that her own ex did, saying I was going to do the same.

 

And no of course there was no drama of that sort when I was with her. And this sort if drama never existed for us in the first place, it was a thought from one of our friends that got planted in her head. I was always very supportive and patient with her, we were together for over a year and I was always patient with her. She just hurt my feelings one day and I acted out and apologized right away, that was the first argument we've ever really had.

 

I get that getting others to try and reconcile on my behalf isn't going to solve the problem. I didn't ask for help, her mom told me that she would. Because her daughter told her she still loved/cared about me.

 

I'm not hurt over the breakup anymore and I still love her and according to her mom she still loves me. I'm doing great in life and have a social life with plenty of friends. It's not like I'm suffering in a corner somewhere. So I don't see the point in just trying to forget about someone you love. When I believe we can work things out.

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It's ok to feel hurt. You can possibly send her an apology by post (that way, not too stressful for her as she can take all her time she wants to reply, or not at all), and ask her in the letter about what exactly you have done wrong to cause her to want to breakup. This seem like a minor issue to take so long to simmer down, so there might be something else that causes her to want to breakup. Even if she doesn't want to forgive and/or get back together with you, at least with clear communication of the reason behind the breakup you have closure, which is vital for your healing process as it stops you from hoping to get together with her again.

 

In the meantime, don't get your hopes too high. I wish you the best no matter what.

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It's ok to feel hurt. You can possibly send her an apology by post (that way, not too stressful for her as she can take all her time she wants to reply, or not at all), and ask her in the letter about what exactly you have done wrong to cause her to want to breakup. This seem like a minor issue to take so long to simmer down, so there might be something else that causes her to want to breakup. Even if she doesn't want to forgive and/or get back together with you, at least with clear communication of the reason behind the breakup you have closure, which is vital for your healing process as it stops you from hoping to get together with her again.

In the meantime, don't get your hopes too high. I wish you the best no matter what.

 

Introverts are definitely better at communicating via writing. It has been 3 months, however. Might still be worth a shot, though.

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If her reasoning is true, I think she would need some serious mental help before she is ready to be in a relationship. She can't be in a relationship with *anyone* with that attitude. I think it's up to her mother to get her the mental help she needs. I think you should move on. sorry.

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I'm not hurt over the breakup anymore and I still love her and according to her mom she still loves me. I'm doing great in life and have a social life with plenty of friends. It's not like I'm suffering in a corner somewhere. So I don't see the point in just trying to forget about someone you love. When I believe we can work things out.

 

Love does not equal a healthy relationship. Breaking a relationship ruins that relationship and there is no going back. Do not try to build a relationship again with someone who has done that, whatever their reason. They are not a reliable partner for you.

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...

I'm not hurt over the breakup anymore and I still love her and according to her mom she still loves me. I'm doing great in life and have a social life with plenty of friends. It's not like I'm suffering in a corner somewhere. So I don't see the point in just trying to forget about someone you love. When I believe we can work things out.

 

So I can tell you what I know about situations like these and if it helps you great.

 

The issue: I think she's jumping to conclusions. My guess is that her big issue is that she doesn't know how much of her involvement is enough to retain you. So not knowing how much is enough and pushing oneself to keep being involved is taxing and stressful on its own. Then when you add to it someone telling you that if you fail to be involved enough then the other person hurts themselves, then you might as well end it. She wouldn't want the cost of failing to be that the person she loves hurts themselves.

 

Possible solution: Her mom has picked up on this issue and is trying to help resolve it for her daughter. It's not good for her daughter to be so fearful and stressed out over failing to be involved. So here's what I recommend you do for this case.

1) Tell her mom to tell her that you have not hurt yourself over this break up at all. That you love her a lot, and even though she hasn't been involved at all in three months you still love her, and that you haven't hurt yourself physically in the least. My hope in her knowing this is that that piece of the problem will go away.

2) Tell her friend that told her the same thing and ask her friend to apologize to her and tell her she was wrong about you hurting yourself.

3) Then tell her mom to tell her that you are fine with a set amount of time that she can comfortably give to you. She doesn't have to be as involved, she hasn't been involved in the last three months and you still love her and she hasn't lost you so there's a good chance that she can retain you more easily then she thinks she can. I think letting her know this will ease her mind about the relationship.

 

If you two do get back together then you need to have this rule: Each of must openly discuss concerns about the relationship and then try to resolve them. Hopefully that will prevent either of you from jumping to conclusions. Good luck.

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then you need to ask your friends to not make you sound unstable.

 

 

Hoinestly, she sounds to be far beyond introverted. But regardless, she doesn't want to be with you, she doesn't feel like she has the mental resources to be with you. That's it. You can't force someone to be with you.

 

You need to stop focussing on her and focuss on yourself.

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Yes, I am an introvert, but people who say they are introverted on this board and then describe themselves or someone they claim to be introverted, it's not necessarily the traits of an introvert they are describing.

 

I re-energize by being alone. That doesn't mean that I want 99% of my life spent alone. I'm a trainer at work, and I never put two and two together, but after a day of training I'm exhausted. It's because I have to act like an extrovert in training. I have to teach, answer questions, and mingle with these people for 7.5 hours.

 

I'm an introvert with strangers (I could never imagine walking up to a stranger and saying hi and introducing myself) but with my friends I consider myself an extrovert. Once I'm comfortable with someone I come completely out of my shell.

 

My Mom is an extravert. When we go out in public she'll strike up conversations with random people, and because I'm an introvert this ANNOYS me to NO end.

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