CLCCUK Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 My boyfriend of 1 year and half cheated with an ex, we had a few months break but I caught him when we got back together and its apparent that its been going on well before we went on a break and she got pregnant then. Not only that, it came to light that he got this girl pregnant while in a relationship with me, which makes things so much harder for me. He told me he regretted everything and that he ended it with me when he found out for the sake of his son and told me i deserved better anyway. Our relationship was great so i thought, he told me he loved me but he still cheated. He refuses to give me any hope of reconciliation, and told me to move on and that I was the past that I'm better off without him, he was actually very cruel in his last message to me , almost as if im a threat to his new relationship with her. I believe that his ex guided this temptation as Im aware she has another kid by another man and wanted another child for her other son, so possibly trapped him as he also questioned why I was askign so many questions as he said that I could at least move on from this and that his life is now " ed". I assume this wasn't planned and from what he said I gathered he was not happy about it. I've known him nearly 2 years and know he is not ready to be a father. Financially, and mentally. He said he was full of regret and never want to hurt me and even before I found out, his child was born and we would still message and talk!?? He would ask how i was and would respond to my messages with ''x''s.. But since confronting him, he has told me he wants nothing to do with me incase he'll loose his son! I dont understand a man like this! The last thing he said to me was dont contact me or the mother of my son as I'll loose him ( because she didn't know we were seeing eachother again). He never referred to her as Girlfriend but appears to be in a relationship on facebook with her.... Is he acting this way because he really wants her? or he is just doing this for the sake of his son? and trying to take responsibility for his actions? I just feel like I did not need to be apart of this, and someways feel that he will be the perfect guy for her when I was the one who was hurt in all this. Anyone BOY lingual!???What does all this mean!? i just don't understand men! what a lying he is!!! Why would he, knowing that his son is born and all even bother with me anymore, why text me and respond to me... As soon as i found out he just said he was really sorry and never meant to hurt me... Was I a rebound!?? I just don't get it..... Someone please translate this man's thinking. I just need some encouraging words. I can't even describe the hurt i feel and wish that no one experiences this.. it has completely knocked all my trust issues and confidence. Before i met him, I was a confident, independent woman at University very focussed on my career, but when i met him my life changed and i was in love. I met him by chance on a night out and let me tell you, this man is uneducated, and has no money, but i loved him for who he was. I also had instincts that he wasn't good for me, but he made such an effort, i gave him the benefit of the doubt and things were so good for months... I just don't understand why he would make so much effort to get me then ruin and damage me by all of this!? HELP!? Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Because this isn't about you....it's about him bedding as many women as he can. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I don't see anything here, but a guy who is in love with what's between his legs. And his ex is either just as deceived as you were that he cares or she did indeed decide to make him pay with a child he now has to support. Regardless, this guy is a morally bankrupt individual who can't remain faithful OR practice safe sex responsibly. All you can do is grieve the loss of what you thought you had then heal and move on. Learn fro the red flags that are bound to have been there that you discredited/excused away and be more particular the next time around. And go get your checkup at a women's clinic if you haven't done so already. This guy is a walking video song cliche in the worst of all possible ways. And in time you're just going to be thankful he didn't get you pregnant. Link to comment
lukeb Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I'm having a harder time understanding you to be honest, seems like you are more apt to blame the ex for trapping your "man of your dreams"? The way you are describing him he doesn't sound like such a great catch. There must be something I am missing here. Link to comment
GodsChosen Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Before I go into detail regarding your issue...let me say....Im sorry you are going through this and I know how you feel. Somehow I saw myself when i read this. You date a guy who you have doubts about but you try to look past the obvious red flags and signs because you see their heart, their efforts.... in a nutshell...their potential. You see their potential and run with it, creating a future with that image. Im guilty of this. I wonder if it stems from some insecurity from within that you...or even I would "settle". It may not seem like it because you love them but if you have any kind of notion that he isnt right or you can do better than you are settling. Him cheating shows his lack of respect and regards for you. Him gettimg her pregnant shows that he is worthless. Him leavimg you for his child shows that maybe hes finally becoming a man. He wont love her but he will deal with her to be in his childs life. It hurts. Im all to familiar with it but heal, let it go, dont contact him or inquire about him. You deserve better!!!! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Why would he, knowing that his son is born and all even bother with me anymore, why text me and respond to me.. After showing you what he's made of, does this honestly surprise you? He's irresponsible, lacks common sense, and is a run of the mill low life, therefore do you feel you're missing something here? Link to comment
bulletproof Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I believe that his ex guided this temptation as Im aware she has another kid by another man and wanted another child for her other son, so possibly trapped him... You might want to stop believing this. He made his choice. His ex didn't tempt him into anything he didn't want to do. Link to comment
toby17 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 He cheated, he told you to move on, and he was cruel. Who cares what he's thinking? But you need to get the message. When someone tells you you're better off without them, you are. Suggest you read link removed. It might help you to workout why this guy has had this effect on you. Link to comment
lerenard Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Move on. Block him, go NC and get yourself together. This isn't about his ex, it is about HIM. HE is a big cheater, liar and a-hole, and you should open your eyes and see that. Sorry you got into this, but one year dating with a break in the middle is not much time. Link to comment
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