I walked away and pray I made the right decision

Hi All,

I was in a on again and off again relationship with my ex for over 10 years. In July we had a stillbirth at 7 months. Not only did the stillbirth devastate me it made our troubled relationship worse. Immediately after the stillbirth my ex wanted to try again for a baby. We argue a lot and can't seem to agree on much. He moved out during the pregnancy due to the constant bickering. His mind and thoughts are all over the place. One minute he wants to get married, the next minute he says we don't work, but still wants to try for a baby. He is in his early forties and I'm in my early thirties, he seems to lack maturity and is selfish. In addition, we seem to be on two different pages in life.

Last week I decided to just walk away and I changed my telephone number. The day prior we had a discussion about our relationship and he promised me that things would get better and to follow his lead. I don't trust that. And although it hurts I feel like it's time for us to part ways. The day after I changed my number I received an email from him saying "if something happens to me, know that I truly loved you. I had a premonition that I am going to die soon". I don't know if he was telling the truth in the email or if it was just a ploy to get me to call him. I still love and care about him immensley, but I can't stay on the emotional roller coaster. I feel so lost, confused, angry, and hurt. Not only am I mourning the lost of our baby, I'm mourning the lost of the relationship and the dreams of our family. Some days I feel like I made mistake by walking away. But I know that if I call him and go back...he will not change.

Thanks for listening

"if something happens to me, know that I truly loved you. I had a premonition that I am going to die soon". I don't know if he was telling the truth in the email or if it was just a ploy to get me to call him.

I think that is an extremely manipulative thing to say, and therefore you did the right thing by walking away. Even if he hadn't said that, do you really want to be with someone you had to separate from while you were pregnant because you were fighting so much? If you can't make it work in serious circumstances like that, I doubt you can make it work any other time.

You tried for 10 years of madness, and its still a big mess, if that's not enough proof to walk out, then nothing is. Nothing was fruitfull in this relationship. 10 years later from now you would still be in a gigantic rollercoaster. You did the right thing by stepping out. Its the first step to bring your life back into calmer waters.

Saying "i am going to kill myself if you don't come back" is manipulative and controlling. All functioning adults are responsible for their own lives.

Look love, you need people in your life who are an asset to your life, not a liability. He clearly is a liability in your life, his inability to make any clear choices only sends you into a sense of great insecurity. Its ok to love him, but you must understand that there's a difference between partner material or a "bad match". He's too mentally instable to be in a relationship. Find someone else who can be an asset to your love life and long term relationship that actually brings happiness and joy in your life.