My ex broke up even though she says she's still in love with me

Hi there!

My ex broke up with me about 5 weeks ago.

She said we fought too much, which we did. She tend to close herself and I overreact.

We've been together for almost 6 years and have lived together for close to 5.

After the breakup we discussed what had happened like grown ups for the first time ever. But she said she didn't

believe in us anymore. That she had to be on her own. The day after she broke up she told me she's going to London to study

for a year. My heart sank so deep I couldn't believe it. We've been trying to get pregnant for about 6 months, and now this?

She said we could still live together as friends until she's moving to London in January...

We tried for about a week, but I was a complete mess. She didn't want me to hug her when she was crying, when she stepped

out of the shower I had to move in to another room. It was so akward. Now for about for weeks I've been living with a friend of mine

and she still lives in our apartement. I still have most of my stuff in our apartement, so we haven't really separated yet.

But she's been very clear on what she wants. She's lost the faith in us, she believes we can't make eachother happy.

Shes texting me about once a week asking how I am. But nothing more than that. Nothing like "I miss you" or anything.

Shes also resharing stuff on my facebook, and liking pics that I put up. I don't really know what that's about?

She has told our friends that we've broken up, but another weird thing is that she hasn't told her family yet?

It's almost 1,5 months since she broke up, and even though she weren't 100% sure, she didn't wanna go to couples counceling or anything.

She needed to be on her own, and she wanted me to move on aswell.

I meet her about two weeks ago when I went to get some of my clothes.

Afterwards she texted me "Seems like you think this is easy for me, it really isn't, I just wanted you to know that". What does that mean?

I still love her so much that every second hurts like hell. I'm 32 years old and she's 30.

When she broke up I asked her if she hoped that we would get back together in the future, and she said that ofcourse she hoped for that, but we couldn't think that way.

It's still so unreal to me. I want to get her back, but a really don't know how? And she's always been very private and hard to read so I can't really figure her out...

And I don't know what all this texting, liking and resharing on facebook means either? It makes me hope, but everyone tells me I should forget about it, that it's just a friendly gesture kind of. What do you guys think?

Thank you for reading the post even though it's long.

I feel your pain. I just had my 10 week pregnant fiance call to tell me that she's no longer in love with me and ended the relationship.

Given you've stated that you're making an effort to work on fixing or rebuilding the relationship, that means everything. OK, my advice. Make one last statement to her to the effect, "I can't continue on like this with you anymore. If you truly love me, you'll know that with both of us working together we can accomplish anything. Let me know when you're ready to have a beautiful future together. Otherwise please do not contact me as it's too hurtful living in uncertainty." Set her free, don't call her, don't text, don't even check in on her friends or family. It sounds like there's some co-dependency between you guys and you're feeding off each other insecurities. No one likes to hear that, but please I recommend you reading about it, it'll help even if your not. Take the time to emotionally breath. In the absence of each other you'll both be able to identify exactly what it is that is driving you crazy to fight, learn how to resolve the reasons rationally and also remember all the things that the true love was built on. If she does truly love you, she'll come back and be willing to work on the relationship. All relationships need work, constantly, no on just sits back and lets it happen. It might be weeks or months before it happens. But you've shown her that you respect yourself to not allow either of you to tear each other apart in the emotional agony of an uncertain future.

chin up

Sounds like she's just trying to let you down easy and not be seen as the bad guy. A lot of people do it this way.

She might still care, but not enough to make the relationship work. Plus, she's moving away. There really is no future for the two of you.

Go NC to heal yourself. If she actually really misses you she will contact you. Just don't sit around waiting for that to happen

Thank you guys for your replies!

Sorry to hear about your story esc, I feel your pain...

Time is on our side though, but it's hard to see at the moment.

I've decided to write her a letter to express what I feel went wrong in our relationship. Alot of fighting has been caused by missunderstanding

and now I feel like I better understand what I could have done different. I'm not begging her to come back or anything.

What do you guys think about that?

We all hit our breaking point, and I think she found hers

As type...I'm thinking of kicking out my live in. I love him, very much - but I dont know that we're compatible anymore.

We too can fight, our issue is more money... I save, he spends. And then he spends mine too. LOL

I think its possible to love someone, but to also know that sometimes you have to walk away.

Perhaps you'll work out in the future, perhaps you'll move onto someone else. But I would say, get everything of yours out of there, go no contact, and continue to live your life. Its all you can do. Chin up, she's doing you a favor.

a lifetime of fighting, is a waste of a life. (:

ChiBrunette - Thank you for your reply. But if you havent really tried to fix the problem, I mean, we haven't gone to therapy or anything.

The issue at hand is that we don't understand eachother when we fight. That's something we could fix. I hadn't really realised how big of a problem this was before, but now I know, now I understand.

When you say breakingpoint, do you think that she wont ever change her mind about us, even if I show her that I've done my part in changing?

As type...I'm thinking of kicking out my live in. I love him, very much - but I dont know that we're compatible anymore.

 

We too can fight, our issue is more money... I save, he spends. And then he spends mine too. LOL

Not to derail... but. Then we'll have another "dumpee" coming in and crying how she came out of the blue with the breakup. Have you even hinted anything to your male counterpart? It's hard to take someone's do-or-die advice that's in a limbo-mode herself.

The other day I wrote her a letter were I dug deep in our relationship, and why things have happened the way they have. I took blame for my own actions and told her I was sorry. It was a long letter. I didn't write that I wanted her back, but I wrote about some memories and also gave sollutions to us stop fighting and so on. She texted me that she had read the letter, she said thank you, that it was sad but eyeopening to read. That she wants me to be happy, and that I'm the worlds greatest person, and that she wish there was something she could do to make me feel better. Later that night she also wrote that she's happy about me realizing my problems and that I'm working to improve myself, and that she forgives me for everything and that I'm a fantastic person. That I shouldn't live in the past but focus on the future.

I wrote her back saying that I aprichiated her reading the letter and forgiving me for my part of her loosing the faith in us. That I had a hard time forgiving myself. That I also think she's the worlds greatest which makes this so much harder.

She wrote me back saying she also had a hard time because we've had so many incredible moments, and that she will always think I'm the worlds greatest, and that she wants me to be happy.

Any thoughts on this?

It means it's over and she's trying to be nice about it. Go NC and heal. Any more contact will just make you seem pathetic. You've said all you can say, now it's time to move on.

How can you be so sure she means it's over? She says she wish there was something she could do, well there is, work things out...

She says she wants me to be happy, well I'm not happy now, but I was with her...

I look the same as I did 6 years ago, I've been working out 4 times a week every week, and I always buy new clothes and I have an instyle haircut... What happened to you, did you get your ex back?

I just wrote her on facebook talking about politics which is a mutual interrest, I know, I shouldn't have... But I was on the edge of breaking down tonight... Then when we ended the conversation I wrote "Sleep tight Shrimp! Hug." and she wrote back "Sleep tight Cookie! Hug." I know it's silly, but Shrimp and Cookie are our "lovenames" kind of... It made me all warm inside. Am I reading too much into this? Please be gentle...

Am I reading too much into this? Please be gentle...

Yes, and you're unnecessarily torturing yourself, as well as not seeing the forest for the trees. If there is even the slightest chance of getting back together, you're better off completely disappearing while allowing her to see what life is like without you.

At the rate you're going, she's unable to face any consequences, simply because you're right there in front of her. Either way, if this takes a different direction, you're one step ahead of yourself, while still landing on your feet.