i dont know how to feel right now

apologies if this is long but here goes...

before a i being a little background on my ex and her family... her, her mum and her brother all suffer from bipolar disorder, my ex was sexually abused by her father at a young age as well, she is now 20 and im 24 ... her mum is 45 single with no friends and always expected my partner to do everything with her else she would get upset

my now ex girlfriend and i were in a LTR of 3.5 years, 2 of those years we lived together with her mum because it was convenient ... apart from a few little tiffs we never had fights or anything ... we were very happy together .... because of her background and her age she didnt really understand boundaries with appropriate conversation with other men etc ... i would voice that this made me uncomfortable on a number of occasions and she would continue to break my trust about it ... because of this i began to become a little controlling over her in terms of not trusting her etc

fast forward to end of last year ... the mother never really made an effort to talk to me and she hands me a piece of paper that says due to reasons i cant disclose you have to find another place to live .... was a shock ... my ex and i went LDR for 2 months while i got a new place ... everything seemed fine, we still saw each other when i came around to her mums house, except that we were no longer living together.

at the start of june my ex got sick and the home life crumbled due to her mum having a breakdown ... we didnt see each other at all for a month ... she also stopped making love to me entirely ... we talked normally via email and tried to make time to see each other but then the mum said i dont want you two together anymore because of the way i treated her ... i was shocked i had only ever done my best to be supportive of my partner and everything she needed because of her mental disability, and apart from some trust issues that we were trying to work out i never did anything wrong by her or her family... needless to say this begun to cause friction between us.

she kept planning on getting proper psychotherapy to deal with her past and move forward, i always said i would stand by her side and help her through it but she kept putting it off again and again ... this ended in a fight over the phone where she was in tears because i got so angry and frustrated that she didnt want to even make the effort to do it knowing the support she would have to get her through to the end.

we talked about having her move in with me to my new place... at first she absolutely loved the idea and told her mum she was moving etc.. two weeks pass and she then said how she felt torn between me and her mum about moving out ... we hadnt made love at all since june by this stage and every time we had a chance there was an excuse on her end. i was starting to get towards the end of my rope in terms of being there for her, it seemed like something had happened ie she made a mistake or whateva but just couldnt tell me.

july was ok, we saw each other maybe once a week, she was still kissing me holding me telling me she loved me and how much she missed me. then at the start of august i discovered nude photos of her posted online with her name as well, i confronted her about it and she lied and said it wasnt her and didnt say anything else about it, i knew it was her i was with this girl for almost 4 years and knew what her naked body looked like...

about a week after that i drove to her house, the mum answered the door and said hello, goodbye and shut the door in my face, i texted her and she just said i want to be alone for now, ive been through too much, im not talking to anyone .... i said ok fine.

fast forward 2 weeks and still heard nothing from her ... didnt try and contact her expect once to ask if she was ok, no response .... i was driving to the doctors for a blood test and i happened to see her walking with her best friend on the street ... i stopped and said you really need to sit down with me and tell me whats happening.

we sat down and all she said was it was an abusive relationship ie controlling but she said i know you never meant it to hurt me, she said there cant be an us anymore in between crying so so hard, not once did she mention anything about the support i gave her or how affectionate and loving our relationship was... all i said was i want you to work on yourself, i didn't mention the nude photos or said anything about how she kept breaking my trust, i walked away and haven't sent a single thing to her since ie strict NC and i plan to keep it up .......

im so torn as the way she handled the breakup .... it didnt seem like she really wanted it to happen ... if i hadnt have seen her on the street ill bet she never would have contacted me .... plus the fact that she never came clean about the pics or her lack of interest in sex or her behavior ....

what do you guys think? should i just keep up NC ?

Yes, stay NC.

As loving as you may have been, the last thing a passive woman with a controlling mother needs is a controlling BF.

You're speaking of an adult woman who will need to explore and discover her own means of dealing with her problems. Having a BF in the mix who may have her best intentions at heart but admittedly behaved in a controlling way is especially toxic, because while she may grown to find her way outside of one box, she can't do that with pressure from another side pushing her into a box of his own.

This woman needs to find her own way in her own time. If she's ever capable of meeting you on higher ground someday, she will--but you'll need to go to that place first, and you can't do that by hovering.

There are no villains in this, but the timing is awful and you both need to develop your own lives beyond the other. Otherwise, your world becomes too small and you suffocate one another.

Head high, move forward, and trust that if this is really a 'meant to be' deal, GF may learn on her own how to catch up with you. If not, her choices are her own, and you need to step away from 'helping' her to make them. She needs to do this without you.