Why did my ex get so angry at me? Threatened restraining order!?

I broke up with my ex a little over 5 years ago. She didn't show me respect or was really contributing to the relationship, and she really hurt me when I needed her the most. (My mom was in the hospital for 6 weeks, I was running around from my home to drop off my little brother at the grandmothers, then going to work, then back to pick up little bro and to the hospital to be with mom. I was coming in late at my job and my boss was getting angry although I told him the reason. My father came into town to visit, but made a mess of things. So my ex (then GF) started to act up and try and get attention from me. So I invited her to eat lunch with me because I hadn't seen her for a while. My ex responded in e-mail that she never loved me, and that I was crazy to think that she had any attraction to her and that she wasn't going to go to lunch with me. This really hurt me so I sent an e-mail telling her exactly what I was going through. She responded with a blank e-mail? So I just put it aside as I couldn't deal with it at the time and helped my mom as best as I could. When my mom was out of the hospital I finally had time to deal with my ex. I sent her an e-mail saying that she had hurt me, and I asked for an apology. She sent back an e-mail saying she one word "Confident". I gave it two more weeks and no apology came. I was very hurt and probably responded the wrong way, but sent her an e-mail, telling her that I knew she was playing mind games and I wanted no part in it. She responded that I was harassing her and that she would call the police. So I just stopped, left her alone.)

Every-year around her birthday my ex will do something to get my attention. So I simply send her a "happy Birthday" e-mail and forget about it. My ex has never sent me a birthday e-mail in return. So this year (2014) seemed like my ex and I were getting closer. We were at a couple of parties of mutual friends. My ex began to remind me of the things we enjoyed. For example she used to cut my hair, so she cut my friends hair. She also used to play around with some magnet's on the fridge, but had thrown them away. Recently she replaced the magnets and was moving them again (I know, silly, but it meant something to me). She also had a mutual female friend come up to me to flirt. I ignored it as best as I could. I sent her flowers and an apology note, but it didn't feel right. Deep down I think I wanted an apology from her. Anyways I have no idea what happened to the flowers or note. I saw my ex at another party and she didn't say a word. It all began to sound familiar like what happened before, and made me feel sick. So I took down the magnets, and wrote an e-mail to my ex. Basically I said that I knew what she was up to and that it wouldn't work. I also told her that I wouldn't allow her to manipulate me like that, then I wrote a philosophical statement about love.

My ex replied floored me. She said "that I was harassing her, and that she was going to get a restraining order if I continued to send e-mails." I've only sent 7 this year, and only 1 every year on her birthday??? (I'll copy the e-mail below, mine and her response without names so you can see what I mean).

Anyway's, I'm staying far away from her. I just want to know what is wrong with my ex? What was she doing trying to get my attention, yet push me away? I think she was playing mind games with me. Is this correct?

The e-mails (names and addresses edited out):

Mine:

"I don’t know what you are doing or trying to do, but I do know you’re up to something. I’m not going to allow myself to be manipulated by some magnets on the refrigerator. I have respectfully retired them.

If you want to talk to me, then you can talk, but I’m not going to play any of your mind games. One of the ways that you control people is through the ingenious process of contradiction. You present an impossible problem, and if I accept it through my emotional involvement, then indeed you have to guide me because I can’t guide myself. I will not go down that path.

There is a moment of truth when you decide to perform a right act—when you do whatever must be done regardless of the price you must pay. You do this even if it means sacrifice, danger, or financial hardship. The moment of truth could be telling a loved one what you have been too frightened to say previously. The moment you forfeit the right, in order to attain personal advantage, you forfeit a pattern of growth. The road to right response in each moment of truth is that first step to everything."

My Ex's response:

You must know that I don’t want to talk you because there nothing to talk. Why don’t you leave alone? I never ever fall in love with you. It’s not a game. I don’t control or guide you anything. Everything happened is your problem. You said sorry? You meant it? No, it keep s repeating that you don’t admit you are all wrong and blame on me. Why did I have to be quite to let you harass me? Why did I have to suffer to keep your family happy? I don’t think I keep this burden on my shoulders any more. This is the last time I email you that leave me alone. If you keep harassing me, I will let my boss know . This time I will call police to get restraint order and harassment charge. I mean it.

What was bad about my e-mail for her to respond like that?

I would respond the same. You're acting stalkerish....and probably freaking her out.

Why don't you just stop talking to her? You broke up 5 years ago...if she wanted to be with you, she's had plenty of time to apologize....she hasn't. She doesn't want to be with you. It's time to move on.

Just never email or talk to her ever again. Simple.

I don't really understand the magnet thing...From the way you word your post, it's almost as if you two have had no contact but you THINK she plays with magnets or cuts someone's hair and it's sending you secret signals?

I don't really understand the magnet thing...From the way you word your post, it's almost as if you two have had no contact but you THINK she plays with magnets or cuts someone's hair and it's sending you secret signals?

I know what you are saying. I didn't fully explain how this worked between us during our original relationship. She had a magnet on the fridge that had a bunch of smiley faces on it with different emotions. There was a frame to move and it would frame a emotion a person was currently feeling. She would move it to some emotion before I came over, then I would in turn move it to another emotion. This was throughout our relationship. It was fun, kind of something we shared in secret since no one else really bothered with the magnet. So by her putting up a new set of magnets; this brought back a lot of good memories. I even moved the new magnet and she had moved it back to its original position. So yes, when she does move the magnet, it kind of means something to me. You could imply secret signal if you wish.

She also used to cut my hair all the time. She wouldn't cut anyone else's hair, just mine. It was something I enjoyed, as she used to place her hand on my shoulder and I felt close to her. She has not cut anyone else's hair since, until recently when she cut my friends hair. ( I believe, I can only assume here, that she wanted my friend to tell me that she cut his hair so it would remind me). She hasn't cut hair after this yet.

It is true that we have had almost no contact since we broke up.

I'm not sure how I'm acting stalkerish here. Can you please explain this a little better?

I would respond the same. You're acting stalkerish....and probably freaking her out.

 

Why don't you just stop talking to her? You broke up 5 years ago...if she wanted to be with you, she's had plenty of time to apologize....she hasn't. She doesn't want to be with you. It's time to move on.

Sorry for the second post, Wanted to ensure it was a reply to you.

Can you please explain a little better how I'm acting stalkerish here. I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

I have stopped talking to her. I have had dated other girls. Just no one seems to complete me like she did.

It seems you and she do not see the magnets and the haircutting the same, you think they mean something and she doesn't. Your claiming she's up to something, when she might not be, is what could be seen as stalking. Let go of the idea that she is playing mind games with you, and leave her alone, ignore anything that she does that gets your attention, and send no more birthday greetings.

She did not treat you kindly when you broke up 5 years ago, and sounds like she was not as invested as you were. She did not care that your mother was in the hospital then, and when she said "Why did I have to suffer to keep your family happy?" 5 years is a long time, though, and time for you to move on, she's not the right person for you. Put that all behind you and don't look back.

Sorry for the second post, Wanted to ensure it was a reply to you.

 

Can you please explain a little better how I'm acting stalkerish here. I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

 

I have stopped talking to her. I have had dated other girls. Just no one seems to complete me like she did.

How do you see the magnets? Like...how do you know she bough to new magnets if you don't have contact with her? Are you still hanging out at her house?

Does she ever initiate emails or are all those just you?

Dude, I get that some people stay special...but she doesn't feel the same...that's your que to drop it.

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OK, it's like you have these things...the magnets and the haircuts...that you see as Dons989 + Ex's "things." So in your mind, if she moves the magnets on the fridge or gives someone a haircut, it means something. Like she is sending a message to you.

But- 5 years is a long time. So, during those 5 years, for her, haircuts just became haircuts and magnets are just magnets. Nothing special, nothing associated with you.

So she is just living her life, giving a friend a haircut, playing with a magnet, and she gets this highly dramatic, accusatory email from you. Personally, I don't think you're stalking her, but if I were her I'd be a bit freaked out. Just don't contact her anymore, about anything.

I cringed when reading this, this girl has some serious problems..

Forget all about her, stop sending her e-mails, don't even send Happy Birthday ones.

For her to act that way when your mum was very ill is seriously disrespectful. She must CRAVE attention, and do you really want to be with someone like that?? One minute seeming interested and the next threatening to get a restraining order? If you continue e-mailing her, it's only going to hurt you as it seems she doesn't care about your feelings since apparently she never even fell in love with you.. She sounds awful to be honest.

Leave it be, stop all contact once and for all.

OK, it's like you have these things...the magnets and the haircuts...that you see as Dons989 + Ex's "things." So in your mind, if she moves the magnets on the fridge or gives someone a haircut, it means something. Like she is sending a message to you.

 

But- 5 years is a long time. So, during those 5 years, for her, haircuts just became haircuts and magnets are just magnets. Nothing special, nothing associated with you.

 

So she is just living her life, giving a friend a haircut, playing with a magnet, and she gets this highly dramatic, accusatory email from you. Personally, I don't think you're stalking her, but if I were her I'd be a bit freaked out. Just don't contact her anymore, about anything.

Agree. your email was out of the blue and confrontational but not stalkerish.

I'm not sure how I'm acting stalkerish here. Can you please explain this a little better?

Stop. Contacting. Your. Ex.

Yes, she seems selfish, narcissistic, and a little bit crazy. None of that matters. She said to leave her alone. Now leave her alone.

You need to move on and leave her alone. There is no insanity if you are not participating

A luta continua

I cringed when reading this, this girl has some serious problems..

 

Forget all about her, stop sending her e-mails, don't even send Happy Birthday ones.

 

For her to act that way when your mum was very ill is seriously disrespectful. She must CRAVE attention, and do you really want to be with someone like that?? One minute seeming interested and the next threatening to get a restraining order? If you continue e-mailing her, it's only going to hurt you as it seems she doesn't care about your feelings since apparently she never even fell in love with you.. She sounds awful to be honest.

 

Leave it be, stop all contact once and for all.

Thank you Tayla92. I agree with everything you say.

You need to move on and leave her alone. There is no insanity if you are not participating

 

 

A luta continua

That is correct Butterflyburn. There is no game if only one is playing. I will do my best to leave her alone. Its the only sane thing to do. In omnia paratus!

Thank you Tayla92. I agree with everything you say.

Of course you do.

I would respond the same. You're acting stalkerish....and probably freaking her out.

 

Why don't you just stop talking to her? You broke up 5 years ago....

I agree with this. Why on earth do you still insist on emailing her when you broke up 5 years ago? She clearly wants nothing to do with you at all, so why do you still email her? I'm not surprised she responded the way she did. Leave her alone, once and for all - it's been over for 5 long years. Move on already.