Advice Please - Break Up After 3 years

Hi all - just want to share my story - any advice on what I should do would be wonderful.

So my ex and I are in a male same sex relationship and have been living together in Singapore for 3 years.

First two years were great. The last was rough. I got incredibly busy with work and it literally took over my life. I withdrew from everything and everyone - friends - boyfriend included. The thing is is that I knew the end was in sight with my job as I was finishing my contract very shortly. A week before summer holidays, my partner and I attend our year end party. We had fought a serious fight that night so there was some tension but I thought it improved in the night. Anyway, we decide to take a bunch of coworker friends to the gay club. He kinda takes off and I couldn't find him for a while and then I see him making out with some dude. I walked out and home. He came he home the next morning - and we broke up immediately. Last week at work I am a mental patient and isn't he texting with this guy!? And we were supposed to go back to Canada to visit my family. Uhh! So eventually he does come to Canada - he was travelling before and he stays with my family and I. We ended up making out one night. Says it's a big mistake. I go back to Skngapore with hope. He comes back to Singapore the following week after going back to UK to visit his folks.

I then get a text while he's at airport in London saying he was not coming back to our home that night - he was going directly from the airport to that guy's house! I kinda lost it! Anyway he eventually comes home. We agree he leaves for a few months and no contact. Contact obviously ensues at some level. I apologize for everything I did wrong in the rationship - he really cried hard but agin we cut contact. I said I could not handle it that he was with this guy and contacting me. So then he calls a few days later for something stupid. Anyway, I lost it. Haven't been in contact since and decided we would be in contact end of November to talk about living arrangements - he will continue to stay with friends which has been this guy!

I have since heard from friends that he's having such a hard time with this as I was his best friend and the man he wanted to marry and I neglected him for such a long time. And that he still loves me but he loves himself too and wants assurance and is afraid to jump back in again. He says that he wants me to work on me being the best person he can be and that he wants to do the same - not sure what all this means.

But anyway, he has returned to this guy and we are still in no contact. It screams total rebound and it seems like it will eventually crack from what I have pieced together.

I just don't know what to do - I will continue NC but do I just continue until end of November? Is there any chance he will crack?

I'm sad and frustrated. I know what I did wrong and I have load of regret. It's just painful to wait this out especially as I know him and the other dude went on holiday for the weekend.

Any help would be appreciated. I know he still loves me but he is very afraid of return to a similar situation - I promise it won't be! He said he needs space to sort this all out. I am unsure if he really means that or not.

Sorry - very long!

It sounds like you're really blaming yourself for his infidelity when in all reality you're just justifying his actions because you don't want to be without him.

If he's not coming to you, trying this upmost to regain your trust then I wouldn't even consider a relationship with him anymore. I'm so sorry you endured this, especially having to see it on display in front of you. Sounds like this guy is fickle and doesn't yet know what he wants.

I would take your self respect and leave him. Find a man who will treat you right as well as love you. Love itself and/or fear of being alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship.

Good luck.

It sounds like you're really blaming yourself for his infidelity when in all reality you're just justifying his actions because you don't want to be without him.

 

If he's not coming to you, trying this upmost to regain your trust then I wouldn't even consider a relationship with him anymore. I'm so sorry you endured this, especially having to see it on display in front of you. Sounds like this guy is fickle and doesn't yet know what he wants.

 

I would take your self respect and leave him. Find a man who will treat you right as well as love you. Love itself and/or fear of being alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship.

 

Good luck.

Def. this. Take care of yourself right now.

Thanks for the advice. I really did neglect him and take him for granted the last year. He definitely has a role to play in some issues we had but I guess I am not so willing to give up. He seems smitten with this rebound so I guess I just have to leave it.