5 year fantastic relationship

Dear all

A week ago I split with my GF of 5 years. Its has been the most horrendous time and I just can't believe its happened. In essence the first 3.5 years of the relationship was as an affair with us both married. We both left our respective partners but never lived together. We had everything, closeness, great sex, everything. Recently she has been getting nervous about being in another relationship so soon after her divorce and she wants to be on her own. She loves me but not as much as I love her etc. She has had a stressful year with a new house, job and her best friend died. This all happened just after her friend died but she did say some of this things at an earlier date to me at a smaller breakup. We have such wonderful times and are still sexually attracted to each other. I just can't understand it. No one else is involved I am certain.

We have had no contact or rather I haven't contacted her for 5 days. She occasionally finds a reason to contact me and ends them with thinking of you x etc.

I'm just so confused, theres no point begging but we had everything, I know she said she has things in her head she just can't shift and that she is so sorry.

We are such soul mates and I want to have her back at some point. How do I best accomplish this, any ideas guys and girls?

thank you

S

For me, Ill be honest, I cant feel sorry for you. How did your X wife feel when you told her that you had been cheating on her for the last 3.5yrs of the marriage? Anyway....how can you be sure that there is no other guy involved? She hid you from her hubby and do you think she could be hiding a new guy from you?

Now for the other side of me... She is confused and is going thru a lot. When you two were not available it was awesome because she has this relationship that involved no commitment. Now that you are available to her full time, she is starting to back away stating its too soon or whatever. And you yourself said you love her more than she loves you. I don't quite think she thinks you are her soul mate. So there is nothing you can do to convince her, you just have to wait things out. If she wants your shoulder to cry on, youll know, if she wants space, youll know... so if she wants to be with you... youll know. For now, just go about your life and hope she comes back. If you chase her, she will run. (that's what I think)

So you left your wife for her? well you deserve this,karma is a fair

She liked you as a lover,but not as anything more..i hope you realize?

lover and husband is not same,a husband is a lover too,but also much more while you 2 just had an affair---when it became more,she realized she is not into you as much as she thought

Yeah, here's the thing. Affairs don't usually turn into full-on relationships for a number of reasons, but one of the things that happens is as soon as one partner gets free many times they say, "Wait, I'm single! That means I don't have to stick with this one person I was cheating with now that I'm free, I'm going to go out and see what else is out there." In other words, you aren't new and shiny for her anymore. You now are in the role her ex-husband was in. And you should already have guessed she's not into long-term and familiar or faithfulness since she did it to her now ex-husband. Not sure about you, but I think sooner or later one or the other of you would have done this anyways and either left or cheated on each other with someone else.

Lesson learned: relationships with a cheater do not have long-term potential.

I think the odds were against this from the very beginning. The chances of finding happiness through the means of deceit are slim to none, and it's very likely that you're now standing in those very same shoes of the people whom you hurt, and were left behind.

As they say, "all the glitters is not gold." I hope you find your way...