What do I do???

Okay so I don't know if any of you saw but I tried to help a lot of folks out yesterday, I have always been better with other peoples problems than my own... But now I ask you kindly for your help, I'll try to keep it as brief as possible.

I have split with my partner, there are 3 kids involved. I'm a 33 year old male living alone in a town I am not familiar with. I have no family or friends here that can help me, really I have non anywhere that can help me. Or willing and able to anyway...

So I am alone... Soon my partner is due to take all the furniture, firdge etc... I'll be left with a cooker so that is something.

The rent is due in 20 days... I do not take any government benefits at all at present and would prefer if I didn't.

I work in cryptocoins which won't mean a lot to many of you but if you heard of Bitcoin it is like that... I have spent the past 5 months woking all day and night trying to improve a coin that I work on, we released these improvements but so far haven't seen much reflectoin in the price.

I'm in a rut, I have no phone (got cut off), I do not drive... I have no-one here to help me...

I just don't even know where to begin!

Conversely my ex partner already has a nice new home provided for by the council and has all the benefits she could ever want or need.

I'm really quite stressed and yesterday I was frantically helping people as it took my mind off my problems for a short time at least.

I don't see a lot of options for me... Please any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm very

I think this is what I'd do in your situation...place an ad for a roommate to help cover rent when it comes due and go find a job, any job so you at least have some steady money coming in...beyond that, as far as visitation w/ the children, furniture, getting established w/ cryptocoins, etc...take things as they come, do what you can, do your part and let the situation unfold. No one can predict how things will play out. The first thing is to make sure you aren't left homeless and that you are stable enough to continue seeing your children.

I'm sorry things are going so crappy for you at this moment. Stay focused, do what you can in the moment to improve your situation, and know that things will get better. Hugs!

Have you called social services to see if you have some options there? Gone to your local employment agency to see if you can get a job other then continuing on with something that isn't provided for you? Have you called a lawyer and found out what your rights are at all... why should your wife take everything?

Why are you living in a town where you don't know anyone?

But if I do a house share, then it could or probably would prevent me from having my children over, my ex has agreed to give me 50/50 access, 1 week on and 1 week off. But as I am a man, and not the one recieving the child benefits she gets all the help and me nothing...

I am a budding software developer and web designer, I can work from home on some side projects, but my main focus has been the cryptocoin I work on, I see it as my best chance at making anything... Finding a "job" could take months in and of itself, I am not so sure this is my best option as while I am doing this I can't really work on the project I am doing... I can try and get some development work though, somehow.

Also if I have a "proper job" XD Then this would also impede me from seeing my children, whom are my life...

I have thought about the suggestions you made though and I will rethink them, I just don't see it being that feasible and don't know if it will really help, 22 days till rent is due, can't really see me finding a job and earning enough to get the rent in this time...

But thank you so much for your reply. I'm trying my best, but everything I do just seems to go belly up.

Well you see I paid 6 months rent on this place, due to my career choice it was fairly difficult to get anyone to rent to us at all, even offering 6 months up front... The thing is what I do has provided very nicely for me in the past and I know it can again, I am just trying to hang in there and wait. I still have a fair amount of the cryptocoin I work on, it is just I begrudge selling now when the price is so low, it would be a rather silly thing for me to do considering how these things go... I think we need to work on marketing more now that the hard work is out the way as we do have a unique coin and idea and a great team works with me.

But if I devote time elsewhere then it could just make matters worse. I feel...

Women can take everything as they have the kids, I can't stop her and to be fair the pieces she is taking are hers... I bought her a car and she said she'll sign it over to me so I can sell that maybe but maybe she won't even stick to this I don't know. Said she'll do it one day and I have asked many times since but she ignores it now... So who knows...

I couldn't afford a solicitor anyway to be honest.

Was your project a main reason for your "partner" leaving.

Why wouldn't you see your children if you had a "proper" job? Men who work 7 to 4 or 9 to 5 see their children just fine.

Well I certainly wouldn't be able to have them stay over for the week would I? We chose to home educate too you see and besides my youngest is 2 nearly 3... I know I am awkward XD

No she didn't leave, I split with her, to be honest I just couldn't cope with the way she was anymore, she screams at the kids calls them names etc, it makes me sick... One day it was the final straw, we are tight for money so I sell something and get us enough for at least a couple of weeks food... I had been working for 24 hours straight and about to drop... I was expecting her to go shopping, as you know, we had no food in... But no, she goes to the local expensive shop because it is closer... She does this for 2 days dwindling the money down and eventually debts took the rest as she left it in the bank...

She said it was my fault, as I could have just stayed up a couple of hours, so she could leave the kids while she went shopping... I was exhausted... Could she not have taken the kids? Apparently that is a huge chore for her... I had to sleep, I have been breaking my back wokring every hour I can to make something great and we have. I am very proud of what we have acheived.

She isn't, tells the kids that I don't want them, that is why I am sat at the PC all day... I mean I am sat at the PC all day to try and build a better future for my kids... I know it is hard for most to understand to be honest, but it really is a viable means of income, but I can't make the markets move.

We have seen a slight increase since release but it certainly isn't enough to make me want to sell any yet.

EDIT: Last year I cashed out around £30,000 much more than I could get working at any job, it paid for the 6 months here, the car, and fed clothed us etc...

What good is having a husband and father that has to sit on a computer 24/7. I understand that you're trying to start up a new business but you have to have balance or else exactly what has happened, will happen.

Maybe it's time you put your kids into the public school system as well so that you can do a steady paying job during the day and rear them during the evenings and work on your computer efforts when they're in bed for the night like everyone else in the last 1/4 century has been doing??

I don't know what to tell you but to tell you that things are no longer the same so you're going to have to adjust what you've always done in order to make it all work. After all, you're opening post paints a bleak picture of your situation at present.

Sorry i'm not sounding very empathetic but it is what it is.

lol I am here and DO spend time with my kids, MUCH more than MOST fathers do... I merely repeated what my ex had said TO THE KIDS as well... I have a friend 3 kids he works his behind off as a security guard on film sets, he is away for MONTHS at a time... SO... Is that better? XD Many many fathers are self employed too I'll have you know and have to put the kind of hours in that I do... But I am still here, at home with them, of course I stop when I can and sit with them, they come in my office and talk with me regularly. This is one of the main reasons I WANT to do what I do so that I CAN spend some time with them.

Dumping your kids off at the school is NOT looking after your kids I am sorry to say, if you cared to look at the stats regarding even basic reading and maths it paints a very bleak picture indeed... It is OUR responsibility to raise our children and my kids are as smart as a whip!

Yes I am trying to build a business and it is going very well, these things take time and when it DOES pick up I will have MUCH more free time than if I were to go into a dead end job... I have been working away to better myself for the future... By studying software development and web design and getting pretty good too. This will be of GREAT benefit to my kids in the long term... Jeez you might as well be my ex, she could never understand this either... Should I be a benefits scrounger like so many others? Like her no less XD

Just because you do not deem it as a worthwhile activity does not make it so...

Yes the OP is bleak, but to be honest it is because of the small minded opinions you just gave right there... There is a piece of software I use everyday, called Qt creator, it is a marvelous tool used by many many large companies, skype was created with it. The 2 guys that made it took 2 YEARS out of their normal careers to do it and in that time were supported solely by their partners, you see? This is all I needed, a little support and faith in my abilities... But hey it's okay, I really don't expect you to understand XD

EIDT: I must say though it does indeed boggle the mind that someone can be critical of someone working his ass off to better themselves and to provide for their family... When so many others couldn't give a damn! I just have to shake my head in dismay.

The bottom line is if you don't get some money quick to pay your rent and buy food, you won't have a place to see your kids or to continue working on your project. From my perspective this is the #1 thing that you need to focus on right now. At this moment your project hasn't paid off in the way you need (that doesn't mean it won't sometime in the future). It's getting to be a critical time that money is needed right away and doing whatever it takes to keep you afloat is what you need to do.

The bottom line is if you don't get some money quick to pay your rent and buy food, you won't have a place to see your kids or to continue working on your project. From my perspective this is the #1 thing that you need to focus on right now. At this moment your project hasn't paid off in the way you need (that doesn't mean it won't sometime in the future). It's getting to be a critical time that money is needed right away and doing whatever it takes to keep you afloat is what you need to do.

Sure I can agree with this 100%

I have a few things I can sell to keep me a float a month or 2, so that was my plan there, hopefully if she does as she said and signs the car over to me I can sell that for a couple months rent too... And of course I can sell some coins but I really just want to keep that to a minimum for now... Also I am staking XD You probably have no idea what that is but it is a feature of the coin we just implemented, it is much like mining (again you may or may not know what that is), whereby you basically created coins. Only staking doesn't use expensive equipment like mining.

So I do have some things I can do to buy me some time... But it's still tough you know... And sure I feel a little helpless at times. Working for yourself is not easy but I whole heartedly believe that it is the much better long term strategy... I have worked dead end jobs before, worked in factories and on trade counters (selling plumbing parts etc). My best paid salary was £17,000 a year before tax... Last year I took home £30,000...

I have seen people that have been working the same job most of their lives and they STILL are struggling, I do not want to do that... I do not want to go into that rut... I really don't see it as being better than the one I am in now, I was always broke when I worked these normal jobs.

I think bettering yourself by study always has to be the better option no?

I dunno, I try my best, that is all I can do. I couldn't take any more of her constant insults and I could not listen to how she was with the kids anymore, it breaks my heart that because she gets some silly child support benefit she is within her rights to take the kids... It is just crazy to me... But through this loss, I have to keep working and struggling, I don't know why I came here, I guess just to get a bit of moral support that I had been surely lacking, only to be met with more of the same hahah

Kinda puts the boot in ya know? XD

So it sounds like you have somewhat of a plan and have things figured out financially for at least a few months which is good. And I agree, if you have enough money to skirt by for now, then taking a more long term approach in strategy is the way to go. As for how awful she treats the children, do you think perhaps they'd be better off going to public school and getting some positive interaction with adults. I'm all for home schooling but if they're constantly getting beat down in the process it totally defeats the purpose. OR maybe you could take over educating the kids?

Out of all I've read about your situation, imagining these kids being w/ someone 24/7 who insults them and treat them poorly breaks my heart. They can't even go to school for the day to get away from it!

Well, of course when they are with me, they will be taught by me. I mean I wouldn't say it is every second of everyday you know? But it is enough to get to you for sure... I went through hell at school, I don't see that as any walk in the park either... It's not just me either, damn some kids find it so bad they off themselves... Life is tough I guess, I reckon she is so lazy she'll most likely force them into school...

Our eldest did go to school for a time, she didn't like it and we gave her the option to come out and she chose that, at anytime they can choose to go to school. I believe that children are people too and I wholely disagree with any kind of force... I can use persuation but not force...

If my kids said something to you, and you asked them, who taught you that? They'll say no-one, I did! And that right there is just simply amazing AND true... I like to teach them to get the answers themselves and provide the means for them to do that.

Of course we teach them reading and writing etc, and they even teach each other, when hope is counting lets say, anon who is 2 will join in! It is beautiful... Just simply amazing...

I could not imagine these children being dumped into a room and being told what's what... I want them to find out and make up their own minds based off of a wide variety of sources.

I don't know about you, but I found much of what we learned at school to be a huge waste of time and things that I had no interest in and things I have never used since, because it is not something that is directed at the indiviual level... Did you know, there was a story about a girl at school, she was punished often for being disruptive, it got so bad her parents were called in and she was eventually taken for a psychiatric evaluation... psychiatrist talks to the girl a while, then he asks the parents if they would step outside for a moment, as he left he switched on the radio...

There was a 2 way mirrored glass on the room and he says watch this... The girl was dancing... He says, there is nothing wrong with your daughter! She is a dancer!

This girl went on to direct catz!

What would happen to this girl today? ritelin?

Yeah I really don't have much faith in this one size fits all schooling, we are all so different. There is no way that this approach can be beneficial for the children and I would certainly never force it on my own.

You have everything figured out and you're not willing to change a thing so on with it you go.

You have everything figured out and you're not willing to change a thing so on with it you go.

This is simply not true, if you can offer reason and evidence to say that I am wrong I will surely change my mind, only a fool wouldn't... But yes I wouldn't change off someones say so... Why should I? If I tell you to change something but offer nothing to back up my assertions would you change? Of course you wouldn't it's not reasonable, is it?

You've been given advice on why you should do what was advised but you are set in your mind. As I said, to continue to give you alternatives then what has caused your marriage to fail or that would help you to get out of your currant dismal situation would be a waste of our (at least my) time.

I wish you well.

Hi Ijustcant,

You gave me some advice in my time and I'd like to share with you some direct wisdom in your situation. Please take all of these words in pure support. You're stuck on PRIDE and gambling on the unknown. Pride of not taking a hand out, pride in not giving up on your Coin coding, pride in letting your children be taken by your ex. You're living a dream. A bad one. I've been there, thinking that keeping my integrity to finish out my plan is what will carry me through to stability. The fact is, you're taking a gamble on what "could" happen and not thinking what's over the horizon, worst case scenario. You can sell a few things and squeak out some more time, however you're banking on your Coin's to bring the riches. You don't have the financial base to carry your efforts if unforeseen coding issues popup. And we both know that coding issues drag out that last 5% of completion to 95% of the work. There is no shame in taking care of your family. At any cost. If that means taking government assistance to give you the financial stability to continue working on your coins, then do it. If you're too proud to take the assistance then make a contract with yourself to give the money in charity or a contribution to the system that's helped you out. If you have to take another job, while working on your Coins, then yes that will be prolonged however you've taken care of the minimum essentials to being a "stable" dad. Not just a good dad, because good intentions = 0. Your plan, to find a roommate and sell some personal items to string out some time. Think of the bigger mess you'll create when 60 days goes by and you're back into an issue, now with a pissed off roommate/stranger. Where's your integrity with that? Brother stand up, swallow that pride, get a stable income stream, THEN work on your dream. You're kids don't know what dad does for work or what it means, they don't care, and if you can't afford to shelter them, feed them, or time to love them properly, then what is all of it worth? What example are you leading?