"I Think I Don't Love You, But I Might Be Wrong" I NEED ADVICE.

Hello, everyone!

My boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up three weeks ago. We were stagnant for a couple of months, and I felt like he wasn't really putting that much effort into the relationship.I dismissed this as a normal part in every relationship, though I felt a bit uncomfortable with how things were going. Meanwhile, my boyfriend was appearing distant and aloof. I would keep asking him what the matter was, and if there was anything wrong--but he would ignore me. On August 3, I finally confronted him and told him to tell me what was on his mind. He said: "I feel like I don't love you anymore. I feel like my feelings have run dry, and I don't think I want to continue with this relationship. I have been feeling this way for months." When I tried reasoning it out with him, he suddenly became very ambivalent and said "Maybe I love you, maybe I don't. Maybe I don't want a relationship. Maybe I don't want to get back together." He was very confusing, and I decided not to talk to him for a couple of days.

I didn't talk to him because I felt very betrayed and deceived that he didn't communicate his anxieties with me. While I ignored him, he kept pestering me with text messages saying: "Let's talk about this" or "When do you want to talk this over?" Finally, I replied to him four days later and asked him what his intentions were. I asked if he wanted to break up with me, and he said he wasn't sure. I called him up on his phone, and we began arguing. He said he really didn't know what he felt about me, but he felt like his heart wasn't in the relationship anymore. I argued: "Love is not a feeling, it's a choice that we have to make. You can't expect our relationship to be exciting all the time." He didn't really respond to this, and insisted he was very uncertain. I broke up with him, furious that he really couldn't make up his mind. After 5 years of being together, I couldn't believe that he still had to second guess himself. I was very hurt.

As the days progressed, we talked a couple of more times. He sent me VERY mixed signals. In one conversation, he said: "I don't want a relationship. I have so much emotional baggage, and I just want to be free." In another conversation, he was very agitated and said: "I regret not putting effort in our relationship, I regret keeping my feelings from you. We had a happy relationship, and I ruined it--but I still don't want a relationship" (This angered me, because he knew his mistake and he still refused to act on it.) He also insisted that we both date new people and try to grow without each other. In our last conversation, he expressed remorse and said the breakup was taking a toll on him. Finally, I said: "But you don't love me anymore, why would you care so much?" He replied with a very confusing statement: "I never said that I don't love you. I said 'I THINK I don't love you.' There's a difference." This drove me nuts, and I was so unhappy. He still couldn't give me a straight answer!

Our last conversation was three days ago, and he told me: "I really don't know how I feel about you. Let's give it time and be patient." Afterwards, I blocked him on Facebook and on my iPhone. I told him that I needed to recover from his confusing statements.

To be honest, I still love him. He is my first love, and we've had so many good memories together. We just got stagnant for a couple of months, and it hurt that he gave up on me so easily. At the same time, I'm establishing no contact because I feel like talking to him will only be more toxic for me--plus, I don't think he'll come to his senses given the fact that he is so fickle. Background: We've broken up a couple of times in the past, all of which resulted with him crawling back a couple of weeks/months later. I don't know if it's going to happen again, but I don't want to count on it. It might be so unhealthy for me.

I need advice: Should I maintain no contact, and probably ignore him forever? Also: What do you think is going on in his mind?

Thank you so much.

You forced him to come clean, he did, and then you blocked communication, but you are saying he is sending mixed signals?

His signals are quite clear, he doesn't know what he wants. When someone doesn't know what the want its time to move on. People who want to be with you want to be with you. They don't think about it or hem haw it. Even when things are tough the one constant is "OK, I want to be with her, so how do I change things".

I would establish no contact in a mature manner and move on. You guys are both being extremely selfish, which is understandable, but its time to take the high road.

Thanks, Edmund Exley. I actually told him that I will be blocking him on Facebook (although I didn't tell him I blocked him on my phone) and he agreed to it, so long as it would help me process things better. I just think what is making me angry is his ambivalence, and his audacity to tell me to "give it time and be patient" after all his confusing statements.

Thanks, Edmund Exley. I actually told him that I will be blocking him on Facebook (although I didn't tell him I blocked him on my phone) and he agreed to it, so long as it would help me process things better. I just think what is making me angry is his ambivalence, and his audacity to tell me to "give it time and be patient" after all his confusing statements.

He has repeatedly broken up with you. That indicates that he has never been fully committed to you. As you said for yourself, 5 years is long enough to make up his mind. You have already given him 5 years, that's plenty of time. Its time to put this away and find someone who wants what you want.

What he saying is a cop out. What he wants to do is find someone else but keep you hanging around in case that doesn't work out. I would cut him free and never look back.

What he saying is a cop out. What he wants to do is find someone else but keep you hanging around in case that doesn't work out. I would cut him free and never look back.

Which I assume has been his game all these years with all these breakups and begging to be taken back. Grass is Greener Syndrome.

I was suspecting that as well, and asked him if he really wants to date other women. He insisted that "he never thought about it" and that he does not have feelings for anyone else, but nevertheless insisted on "freedom" and "growth" without me.

I was suspecting that as well, and asked him if he really wants to date other women. He insisted that "he never thought about it" and that he does not have feelings for anyone else, but nevertheless insisted on "freedom" and "growth" without me.

 

Well of course he isn't going to tell you yes directly. That would slam the door closed on him. Actions speak louder than words.

What you are experiencing is the chicken way out. I am sure he cares for you and doesn't want to hurt you but by flip flopping on this he is hurting you more.

Since this was your first love I would suspect that you really don't know what a deep devoted love is since you have never experienced it. Break it off with him for good, learn and heal from this and in 6 months or so start thinking about dating other guys.

I will bet good money that when you find the right guy for you and true love is shared in the relationship you will look back and see just how unfulfilling that 5 years really was.

I am sorry this has happened but you simply can't make someone love you and honestly I don't think this guy even knows how to love.

Be good to yourself, drop the news on him that it is over for good and that you are going NC on him forever. Ask that he never contact you again and wish him well.

Best wishes

Lost

Thank you for this. I believe that my main apprehension is that I won't find anybody else with the same chemistry. My boyfriend and I were best friends for a year before we decided to get together, and we really had a substantial friendship. But I'm sure that my fear only comes from the fact that I've never had another man in my life, so the prospect of change naturally scares me.

Great friendships do not automatically turn into great romances I am afraid....in the movies maybe.

Yes you will meet some one new and yes you will be happy and in love again. Look around you at all the people you know that have broken up, got divorced and now are with someone and are very happy.

When things like this end we ALL have some fear of what if's? What if I never meet anyone as good as him? What if I am not attractive enough anymore? What if no one wants me? These are all in your mind and are not rationale but still affect you.

Do you remember the girl you were before you met him? Did you loose any of her along the way being with him? If so get some of her back into your life and then add the things you really want for your life. You are free of him now so get out there and live a life you enjoy and before you know it you will start noticing guys checking you out and realize you are a very special girl that any guy would be lucky to have in their life.

Lost

Thank you very much for your kind and encouraging words. I feel much stronger now.

Update: I was doing fine with NC, so I decided to unblock his number and delete him from my phone. My ex starts texting me non-stop, and starts calling me, my friends, my family, and even tries getting his friends to contact me. I remained firm and didn't contact him.

This morning, he texted me and said that he's been trying to contact me since Monday morning. I broke NC, and asked him what on earth he wanted to talk about. He said "Nothing, just wanted to ask what's up. How are you? Are you fine?"

???? what's going on???

What's going on is you need to block him again.

There is no emergency that you need to help him with. He has friends and family for that.

Get back to NC, block him and move on with your life.

Lost