Grieving gf broke up with me

Hi all.....I was looking for some advice on a situation I'm in. My gf broke things off with me a few days ago because her son left go live with his father which is pretty far away. She will only get to see him 10 days every two months and raised him on her own up until now, he's 11 years old. At fist things were great between us, we had a solid friendship and always talked about everything, there was a great spark between us, and both felt very attracted to one another. When she found out her son was leaving she was obviously upset and stressed but always invited me out to spend time with her and her son and daughter, we always had such a fun time and I got along great with the kids. About a month ago she sent me a big long text saying she wanted some space to be with her son and that she didn't feel she could give me what I deserved as a boyfriend. She said I was the best man shed ever met but that everything had gotten confusing and she didn't know how to feel. It was also brought up that she didn't know how she would feel about us after everything was said and done. I said that I understood where she was coming from and have her the space she needed, I stopped going by her place or trying to make plans with her. Things seemed ok for the next while where she would text me and say she was free to talk if I wanted and would say things like this won't be forever and maybe we could make plans in the future to go to my cottage later on. Then the day came when her son left and I stopped hearing from her so much. I figured it was normal because she was grieving the loss of her son and continued to give her the space she needed, we continued to text here and there but she was pretty distant. I understand this is about her.....she's going through so much and I can't put myself or the relationship before her and her son. Well two days ago I sent her a text asking if things between us were cool and she replied by saying she needed to talk. She have me a phone call and said that she wanted to break up because she didn't feel the same anymore. Basically that she would probably regret this decision later but for now it seemed like the best thing to do and that maybe we would meet up again sometime in the future. I replied back saying if that's what you want then I will respect your wishes. I also went on to say that I had a great time with her, that I wished her the best, and that I hoped she found what she was looking for. Now looking back I think my response was a bit off. I kinda feel like I should have said I know your grieving and cant be in a relationship right now and you need heal fully before you can, and that I would move on with my life and not wait around but maybe sometime down the road if she wanted she could reach out to see what I was up to if she wanted. I'm wondering if I closed the book for good by what I said or if she will still contact me later on if she feels the need to?

Why is her son leaving? You said she "found out"....but he is 11, so surely she was part of the decision process???

I didn't find out why, just that he felt he wanted to and she allowed him to make that decision even tho it tore her up inside. I didn't wanna ask and pry at things.

you did good and handled it like a man. if she wants to, she will reach out to you at some point. take care of yourself right now.

you did good and handled it like a man. if she wants to, she will reach out to you at some point. take care of yourself right now.

Thanks for saying so! I care a lot for this girl and really did see a future with her but in the end it's as the saying goes, " if you love someone set them free and if they come back to you it was meant to be". It's just hard cause I felt such a connection, it literally brought out a romantic side that had been dormant for some time. Time to just focus on me and my life. I'm gonna try and move on and not to expect her to get back to me. Seems like she was always being approached by other guys while we were together and while I'm not the jealous type I'm sure someone else will be there at just the right time when she's all healed.

Thanks for saying so! I care a lot for this girl and really did see a future with her but in the end it's as the saying goes, " if you love someone set them free and if they come back to you it was meant to be". It's just hard cause I felt such a connection, it literally brought out a romantic side that had been dormant for some time. Time to just focus on me and my life. I'm gonna try and move on and not to expect her to get back to me. Seems like she was always being approached by other guys while we were together and while I'm not the jealous type I'm sure someone else will be there at just the right time when she's all healed.

Same here. You never know, though. Be the best you can be, always. You'll look back at this some time from now and, from what I've seen on here so far, be okay with your situation (whatever it might be at that point).

Same here. You never know, though. Be the best you can be, always. You'll look back at this some time from now and, from what I've seen on here so far, be okay with your situation (whatever it might be at that point).

Thanks. I guess the one thing I'm still questioning is her bday is a few weeks away, and part of me wants to say happy bday, while the other part of me is saying stay no contact. I dunno lol.

Thanks. I guess the one thing I'm still questioning is her bday is a few weeks away, and part of me wants to say happy bday, while the other part of me is saying stay no contact. I dunno lol.

that's a tough one. play it by ear. i, personally, don't see it as a bad thing.

Yes I think I will wish her a happy bday. I still kinda feel like I closed the door on her by what I said after the breakup. I didn't acknowledge what she said about maybe meeting again in the future and basically just wished her the best. In a normal breakup obviously someone wasn't happy and decided splitting was for the best but in this case we were together only three months and she's suffering from the loss of her son and probably doesn't want a relationship when she's grieving. Should I not keep things open for the future? I'm not saying I'm gonna wait around for her but shouldn't I leave the door open?

If you're going to leave the door open, put an expiry date on it (in your head, don't tell her) so that you can close this chapter and move on.

You can't really move on with someone else if you're hoping she will come back...if she comes back and you've met someone else, do you end things with the new person? That's not fair.

Thanks for your input! I agree, but would she want to come back after she healed when I just walked away instead of leaving the door open? Shouldn't in say something to keep the door open for the future? And yes as I go through this I have no intention of dating anyone else but at the same time I do want to keep moving on with my life and meeting new people.

I'm not an advocate of waiting around for people. You seem pretty stuck on this idea though. I would wait 2 weeks or a month. Then I would close the door and move on with my life.

If she wants to get back together with you, don't worry, she'll contact you. She will call and tell you she made a mistake.

If you call, you're only going to open yourself up to her feeling guilty or nostalgic and yes, she'll probably talk to you...but it will be to string you along, not to get back together.

I appreciate your input. I don't feel that I should wait around thinking she will come back, even after she heals she might just find someone new. Having said that I guess I should just move on and expect to not hear from her. Guess it's just hard to accept that everything can be perfect between two people but if the timings off then it's basically game over.

The relationship might not have been right for her. It sucks. Most break ups aren't mutual.

Closing the door, going no contact, and moving on is the best course of action. I hope you go with it.

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I know what you mean, but if that were the case I'm sure she would have just said that. In this situation I think it was the grief she had for her son leaving that made her distance herself and then break it off. Since it happened I've done lots of reading about grief and how it affects relationships. Some people like to have their loved ones closer where as others step back and need to be alone and away from commitment. In my case this girl felt she needed to step away and didn't feel like being in a relationship with me cause she couldn't give it the attention it needed. In the end it doesn't make it any easier on me but it helps me not take it so personal like it was something I did. She literally told me I did everything right and not to blame myself.

Yeah, the "it's not you, it's me" speech. I wish you the best of luck, I hope you accept the break up soon so your healing can begin

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Well your entitled to your opinion lol. I guess you've got my situation pegged and it must be just how you say it is haha. In the end you never know why these things happen and it's best not to assume you do. But if you knew anything about grief in relationships you'd know that people do things differently, and although this fresh break up might be hard for me to swallow I had found a way to not take it so personally. You telling me it's because there was something about me that didn't make it work feels like your trying to strip me of that. Thanks for your advice but in the future no thanks, go " help " someone else 😉.