I'm done...

I knew this moment was gonna happen, the semester started and I didn't last a day of it in no contact, I lost, it took the best of me, I went in WhatsApp and I saw that she had unblocked me I then saw her profile, and new picture, she looked stunning and I sent her a message to which she replied being hostile to me 'what do you want?' It stung, because I know now that she'll never change with me, she'll forget spite me. I told her that I wanted to see her in person, to catch up, she replied 4 hours later with that she wasn't interested with catching up... So I told her it was ok if she didn't want to and it ended there. There you have it, 28 days no contact later, just 2 days shy of the month and everything is even worse now between us.

How can a person that has been so close to you, act this way is something that I'll never figure out. I have nothing left to do now but to move on and find someone else but thats gonna take a while before i let someone get close after this that im going through as much as I want her to stay in my life and vice versa I can't force her to, I lost her forever.

I don't feel setback on my healing, it did sting and I felt down for hours yesterday, but I feel it was more of a closure than anything.

Haha... To think she was 'the one' that I was gonna have kids and grow old with her... That's a bunch of nonsense, fairy tales.

Cruel to be kind. Now you will move on.

If she had agreed to meet up...you would be reading between every word and gesture.

Now you are free. No need to focus on NC...because today is the first day of moving on.

Answer to your question in bold: Simples! She is doing this because she left the relationship emotionally before she split with you. She was "living a lie" before you split. Especially if this is your first break-up it will be hard. She's making it clear that she is not considering getting back together, which is not altogether a bad thing. Many people (my past self included) have wasted time an emotional energy hoping for a reconcilliation that never happened. There is life after a break-up and I'm not going to kid you it's easy. Avoid all contact with her completely. In time you'll date other girls and hopefully one of them will become the one you spend the rest of your life with but, the chances are, you'll probably have a few dates that lead to nothing and a few relationships before that happens. I met my wife in my 30s, so it's never too late.

Good luck.

It was my first long term relationship and I felt like I have never gotten as close to someone than her, I'm moving on but I know that I'll always have that love for her. Learning experiences I guess, such harshful ones though.

This may not seem like a good thing but it is. Do you really want to be friends with her or are you just fearful of being alone? Being friends with her means when she meets some new guy you will have to watch as she is happy with him, kisses him and builds a life with him. Who wants that torture?

M w D is right, she is doing you a huge favor so see it as such.

She wasn't the "one" she was the one that you loved but it wasn't right, she was the one that helped you learn and grow, she was the one the put a big dent in your heart but also showed you that there is life after a break up.

One day you will be with someone new and you will feel lucky it didn't work out back then.

Stay NC forever. There is nothing for you with her other than pain...

Lost

I actually wanted her back as my lover, I wanted to start from scratch with her, something better but she simply doesn't want to and I cannot do a thing about it, I need to start letting go of the fact that I still want her and from what I'm seeing its gonna take me a lot of work and time for this. I'm not scared of being alone, I just genuinely love and care for her even after all the pain she's put me through.

Thanks for your replies guys, its a hard pill to swallow, but I guess I really need this to happen to me.

I actually wanted her back as my lover, I wanted to start from scratch with her, something better but she simply doesn't want to and I cannot do a thing about it, I need to start letting go of the fact that I still want her and from what I'm seeing its gonna take me a lot of work and time for this. I'm not scared of being alone, I just genuinely love and care for her even after all the pain she's put me through.

 

Thanks for your replies guys, its a hard pill to swallow, but I guess I really need this to happen to me.

You can never ever start from scratch again. Take that as advice and remember it in your next relationship. Obviously there are reasons she ended it.

I just looked into your thread background and it appears that you actually broke up in May. Obviously a lot happened between then and your initiating No Contact. Im guessing everything that happened in that time frame explains her cold response.

Learn this. A break up is not a death moment. When one happens, remain dignified.

Oh Tears! I was routing for you the whole way through your no contact!

You did great! Don't be down about it.

You don't deserve this girl, it's so clear that you're a kind and caring lad.

When you let yourself, I bet you'll find a girl as quick as you can click your fingers!

It's the start of term, keep your eyes open, go out, have fun. Talk to NEW people.

Carry on with your journey, Others and I are behind you, cheering all the way!

I just looked into your thread background and it appears that you actually broke up in May. Obviously a lot happened between then and your initiating No Contact. Im guessing everything that happened in that time frame explains her cold response.

 

Learn this. A break up is not a death moment. When one happens, remain dignified.

Break up happened in march, there was a lot of begging and pleading from me but it was because she told me in the beginning of the break up that I still had a chance to get back together and when I started seeing her 'moving on' I started getting anxious and I did all the wrong things. I didn't do no contact in the beginning in fear of losing her, or her thinking that she never meant anything to me, which obviously she did, a lot.

She did a number on me haha...

Falling is how we learn to stand back up. Believe it or not, this is a good thing. You know that it is over and no question about it. You dont have to worry about her calling, texting, emailing you. So get over the whoa is me, I lost her forever, Ill never find someone like her, Ill never love again, Im going to be alone and single forever, she was the perfect girl nonsense. If what you believe was true, then 95% of the world would be single and we would all be walking around like zombies crying over our first heartbreak.

The reality and truth is that you will find someone. This girl was not for you no matter how hard you wanted this to happen, it wasnt meant to be. You are meant to be with someone else. And the sooner you pick yourself up, the sooner you can find this girl.

What happened that made you single... doesnt matter. All the promises she said or you two said to one another..... doesnt matter. You thinking she was the perfect girl you wanted to marry her... doesnt matter. Everything about the relationship doesnt matter anymore. What does matter is that you had a great time, you have good memories and this relationship help you shape who you are today, and it was a positive thing. Let her and the relationship go. Time to close this chapter and get ready for another one. And if the other girl doesnt work out, then youll find another. Its how life is.

Actually you DON'T want to find someone like her. I once wanted a replacement for my ex-wife and I'm now VERY GLAD I didn't.

It's tough right now but we're here for you.

I think your ex is doing you a favor. When they give you hope you can be in a state of anticipation for years on end. Without it you are forced to confront the pain, pull yourself together and survive this ordeal

How people can turn so quickly and hatefully on someone who cared for them, put them on a pedestal and wanted to be with them I will never understand. In the end, I think that I was too agreeable and wanting to please her. I wanted it to work too badly. It must have made her mad to have someone she no longer cared for care for her. It all made it much too hard for me. I am still badly hurt. I have one good friend fortunately. She hurt me but she hurt herself too for throwing away someone who cared for her.

3Tears,

I've seen you on here and I'm truly rooting for you. From your advice to other people (including myself) I think you know exactly what you need to do. The question now is just doing it! And for the record, we're all behind you

And it's the start of a new term. I honestly think it'll get easier because you'll be surrounded by people, particularly your friends. I sincerely hope you keep NC. I think, one day, looking back she won't matter to you anymore - you will be indifferent. Respect her wishes and maintain your distance. This girl is not good for you or your healing.

Good luck with everything!

How people can turn so quickly and hatefully on someone who cared for them, put them on a pedestal and wanted to be with them I will never understand. In the end, I think that I was too agreeable and wanting to please her. I wanted it to work too badly. It must have made her mad to have someone she no longer cared for care for her. It all made it much too hard for me. I am still badly hurt. I have one good friend fortunately. She hurt me but she hurt herself too for throwing away someone who cared for her.

I don't think they do necessarily turn quickly. It can sometimes happen when there is someone else involved who they are more attracted to but that's not the normal case. What I've seen happen to me and what I've seen myself is that a person might find that their feelings for their partner aren't what they were and they start having doubts. They wait to see if these doubts continue. If they don't, no worries. If they do, the person starts leaving the relationship emotionally and, even if they are physically present and still having sex, will slowly detach. Sometimes the partner sees the signs and starts worrying. In my case, I remember getting very clingy. Quite often if someone is detaching you are not always consciously aware of it but feel it subconsciously and it becomes a "gut feeling". You start wondering if there is someone else or you might start detaching yourself.

When my first marriage broke up, I heard later (in fact I discovered a LOT of things later!) that she's started to leave emotionally nearly 2 years before she left physically.

Now 2nd time round things are much better and we've been together over 20 years. We have had sticky patches but one thing I've discovered (apart from the obvious one of my wife respecting her marriage vows much more than my ex wife!) is that you can sometimes drift apart and back together several times. Sometimes you may feel aloof because there are other pressures, like bereavement or work stress.

So what do you do if your partner starts being more aloof? I don't think there's a one size fits all answer. I usually know if my wife is worried about something but if I ask her she will be honest. My ex wife would lie.

Short answer is, though, that if someone "turned quickly" it is more likely that they had started leaving emotionally a while ago.

Dumpers have emotions too of course. She could be anxious or annoyed or even angry about stuff too. That's why no contact isn't just for you. It's for both of you. Someone breaking up with you is a clear message. Trying to be in contact with them and get back together is a plain old disregard for the message. It's not that you should have used no contact to help you get her back it's that you have to get into the mindset that it's time to accept that this is over. Hopefully this response really helps you get there.

I confirmed the worse now... She's in a relationship with the new guy, I think thats all I needed to know to move on, it hurts like hell but now I can move on without holding back. Wow.

I wish people would stop say "living a lie"...it makes it sound like people stay in relationships maliciously, intentionally leading people on...when in reality, it takes a lot of guts to end things with someone that you genuinely like...but just don't see a future with. It can take a few months of back and forth...a really good day with that person will make you doubt the idea of the break up and will cause you stay longer to determine if it really is what's best.

I stayed with my daughters dad for almost 6 years...3 of them I debated leaving...because...I just didn't see my future with him...but how do you leave someone you get along with so well? Someone who gets your sense of humour and makes you laugh? How do you break up a family. It took 3 years not because I was trying to drag things out and be fake, living a lie...but because I loved him and wanted it to work...it just wasn't.

Sorry for the random digression.

/end phrase rant

I feel sick to my stomach, but I guess it had to happen, it feels like the break up just happened all over again, no appetite and no motivation to do anything...

I feel sick to my stomach, but I guess it had to happen, it feels like the break up just happened all over again, no appetite and no motivation to do anything...

You need to go no contact and stay no contact. Stop offering yourself to her, she doesn't want you. Let her go. She's not your "the one". It's hard. It's so painful. It sucks. I get it. But stop going back!!! You're bringing this all on yourself. Repeatedly. Learn from this. I hope you re-blocked her.

I did block her. I'm just in pain... but that's ok.

I did block her. I'm just in pain... but that's ok.

It gets better the longer you stay in no contact.

This hot pain eventually turns to anger...and eventually indifference. One day you'll look back on this...and wonder why you fought so hard for something that was so obviously not meant to be.

It hurts because I was waiting for her to contact me, but she wasnt, she never will, she's with another person.

It hurts because I was waiting for her to contact me, but she wasnt, she never will, she's with another person.

That's why YOU block her on everything. Then you can imagine that she's trying to contact you (and you know better than to respond)...instead of the pain of knowing that she's not. Keep the power, don't give her the option to contact you.

I get it, dude. I was with someone 2 1/2 years...we broke up...and he was dating the girl I thought was pursuing him (be he denied..."they were "just friends"."), 2 weeks post break up....but I didn't find out until 6 months later because I was NC...it stung, but only because I knew I was right back then. Him and I broke up originally 4 months into our relationship...and we were on and off again...I wish I had just went NC that first time and saved myself 2 years of mostly pain. NC is the only way to get over someone and move on. 4 months after NC with him, I met someone incredible. NC FTW!