Times have changed !!

Iam wondering why is so hard now days to be in a relationship. Years back people didn't cheated as much as they do now days. People fought to keep marriages, relationships., now days its so different. Could it be that we are living in a social media world, where we can cheat and lie, and thinks its ok to dump your partner and move on??? parents are happily married, and here i find myself 52 years old and cannot even find a man who wants a true relationship. To top it off we have relationship forums where we can get advice from strangers. I want to find someone who still is stuck in the past, no social media, no dating sites etc.. Wondering who feels the same as me.

People cheat as much as they used to ---- it is just easier to catch them now!

And as a fellow 50+....neither my bf nor I use social media at all. Nor do most of my friends/colleagues. And we met the "old fashion" way....thru mutual friends.

Years back people didn't cheated as much as they do now days.

How do we know this?

I don't blame social media. I credit the fact that women work now and can largely support themselves, we don't NEED a man to take care of us. There are programs (welfare programs, if you will. And shelters and such) to help women make the transition if need be . . . so if your husband is being an abusive b*st@rd and/or a cheater, etc., decades ago you were trapped and powerless, these days you don't have to put up with that crap.

I think human nature is exactly the same , but societal expectations are different. Divorce used to be seen as social suicide now people don't even blink twice. I think just as many people cheated, but it was harder to get caught.

Do I think a lot of people turn to divorce before they have exhausted every resource to give their marriage a chance, yes. Why? Because society no longer cares if you get divorced. Like I said expectations have changed.

People cheat as much as they used to ---- it is just easier to catch them now!

 

And as a fellow 50+....neither my bf nor I use social media at all. Nor do most of my friends/colleagues. And we met the "old fashion" way....thru mutual friends.

You are lucky to have someone now days, on the other hand iam living in Miami where things are different, People here focus on Beauty and looks. Its very difficult to find down to earth people who dont depend on Social media 100%. Men & Women over 50 here act as kids and being unfaithful is just like trading your car every year !! LOL

How do we know this?

Iam just giving an example of my parents who are still together after 50 years ! No temptations on the internet !

Iam just giving an example of my parents who are still together after 50 years ! No temptations on the internet !

They still had temptations at work ,at church , the lady around the corner.

They still had temptations at work ,at church , the lady around the corner.

At my age meeting a normal man without baggage is harder than to win the Lotto !!! People cheat and dump you with out remorse, back then men didnt leave their wifes!!

At my age meeting a normal man without baggage is harder than to win the Lotto !!! People cheat and dump you with out remorse, back then men didnt leave their wifes!!

At 50 you won't find ANYONE without baggage for ANY kind of relationship. This is true for any generation. Men and women 50 years ago still cheated believe me. My parents married 49 years ago. My dad was the biggest cheater that ever came down the pike.

At 50 you won't find ANYONE without baggage for ANY kind of relationship. This is true for any generation. Men and women 50 years ago still cheated believe me. My parents married 49 years ago. My dad was the biggest cheater that ever came down the pike.

Then why is so hard to find anyone who just want a normal relationship?? Men my age just want younger girls. They even cheat on them !! they are single and dont want relationships, they were once married and decided to be alone and play games>>??

Personally, I'd quit generalizing about people cheating and boo-hooing about the way (you perceive) things "used to be", and start focusing on individuals in the here and now. Not everyone is a cheater with baggage.

Then why is so hard to find anyone who just want a normal relationship?? Men my age just want younger girls. They even cheat on them !! they are single and dont want relationships, they were once married and decided to be alone and play games>>??

Like I said divorce is common place. A lot of people who have been divorced do not want to marry again. Some people do however. It could be where you are living . Miami to me sounds like a party hearty kind of town.

Like I said divorce is common place. A lot of people who have been divorced do not want to marry again. Some people do however. It could be where you are living . Miami to me sounds like a party hearty kind of town.

Miami is all about looks ! its all about looking good , working out and all the material crap ! Iam 52 and iam a minority in this town !!

Miami is all about looks ! its all about looking good , working out and all the material crap ! Iam 52 and iam a minority in this town !!

Maybe move?

Maybe move?

No i wont move ! i have a great job and a home here. Why cant there be any normal people here wanting real relationships? The good ones are all taken

I actually think that there's less cheating, now. In the distant past, there was a semi-open, wink-wink attitude towards men having affairs...and it was more common/acceptable for men to visit prostitutes, as well. (The estimated number of prostitutes in Victorian England = staggering.)

I completely agree and empathize with you. I live in SoCal and not sure if the problem is age or just how much competition there is here, as I'm sure it's the same in Miami. People tell me I "look good for my age", but that's not really helping me in the dating world either, where there's a surplus of 20 and 30 year old single pretty women. They're the ones who are chosen 1st by not only the men their age, but the men my age and older and then it does seem to me that the guys who are left over are the ones with major baggage. I have no kids, no marriages, no facebook, no twitter, and no baggage, but to hope I'm going to find that same thing in another person to date, I know is impossible, so I try to settle. The really sad thing about that is that I don't even get that many options in the 1st place to "settle" with and the ones I do get are actually only off dating websites when I try them, and they're very unworthwhile and do not last because their problems are too major. I don't have facebook and do not even want to risk looking at any potential bf's facebook, should he have one, in fear of what I'd probably find on there. With regards to cheating, it's just a given here. From what I see, it seems there are many single women without anyone and the ones who do have someone, have only one, but then most men here, have two women at least. Even the unattractive men are getting two or three women a piece, even when they're older than me. My mom's boyfriend for example, told her after 25 years that he wanted to start dating other women. She then found out he had three girlfriends - one of which was her best friend. It's a man's world. Sorry for the run-on paragraphs. I'm feeling lazy. Anyway, I have tried to upload three different profile pictures and keep getting the error that file upload failed. So sorry for being anonymous!

Then why is so hard to find anyone who just want a normal relationship?? Men my age just want younger girls. They even cheat on them !! they are single and dont want relationships, they were once married and decided to be alone and play games>>??

To this, I'd say they do that because the 'option' is there...

It's like they have the world at their fingertips nowadays. Social media, dating sites, etc. It's ALL there, so WAY too easy to find anything.

But, I am pretty sure there are decent men out there still. Just takes more time to wean them out.

But, Yes it all sucks how they do what they do. No self respect?

I think you need to find men who find comfort and pride in having some core values and the will to stick by them no matter what.

Are they less numerous than before ? I really don't think so. Society simply used to be WAY MORE hypocritical about that, that's all : nowadays, things are more straightforward in many aspects, including dating.

As the issue about age, it's a cliché in my opinion to believe that men automatically want to dat younger girls. Yes, a lot of them do it but women also.

I always felt WAY MORE attracted to older girls (30-40's) when I was in my 20's even if I dated a lot of girls my age back then because, to be fair, I found them way more interesting, mature and less superficial (just as men are superficial in their 20's, and just like I was). I felt like I could learn something from those women and not simply "girls". And I found that incredibly sexy...

Furthermore and regarding this issue, I was with one woman and one woman only from 23 to 31. When I became single again in last december, I was astonished by the number of women my age who were single ! It's like things were going the opposite way compared to the situation in my 20's, with girls that were almost all of them with one, two, three or four men at the same time. Do men have a lot to do with this ? Probably. But those are superficial men and, quite frankly, not worthy of your woman's time. Give it to someone who deserves it ^^

I agree with you OP, this is what I've been saying for a long time now but of course everybody's experiences are different...

I see the same things you see, all around me. I do believe that people used to cheat before too, but not as much. Marriage used to have more meaning than it does now. Divorce used to be looked down upon, divorcees were viewed as people with baggage, to be avoided if possible.

Nowadays, I personally know many men 40 and up who are players, and who are only looking for hook-ups and don't want to commit.

I do think social media, and online dating sites in particular, have lots to do with it. Heck, there are numerous cheating sites out there, for married people to find casual sex, and believe me, they are overpopulated! Why work on a relationship, especially a new-ish one, when things get tough, when they can just log in online and find someone else in 5 minutes? Before all this social media existed, it was more difficult to find a replacement for your partner, now it's a piece of cake.

I cannot tell you how many times I heard men ask my married friends out, and when they say they can't as they are married, the usual answer is "so...? If it doesn't bother me why would it bother you?", or "I'm married too, who cares?". Yes, I did hear lots of stuff like that with my own ears.

Now I'm sure there are still people out there who do believe in marriage and loyalty and would never cheat. But unfortunately the trend is casual vs committed, short term vs long term, variety vs monogamy.

Statistically cheating is more common today than it was in years past. More people under the age of thirty cheat than any other time in our history.

The problem you are seeing in Miami is what people see all over. There has been a wave of selfishness that has spread accross the globe like a virus. People are simply more selfish now. They want something and they don't care (at least at that moment) who gets hurt along the way. Money, sex, things, power are all pursued like it is the key to happiness. It is sad to see really.

As far as I can tell it increased dramatically during the 80's when the "Yuppie" movement took hold.

I am 50 and have the same trouble you have. It takes a lot of patience that is for sure. There are a lot of people out there that simply don't know what they want or even who they are. You meet them, are attracted, date a few times and maybe even become exclusive and months into it the red flags are all over the place as all their walls have come down. Or if you are lucky you meet them, are attracted have a second date and you see the flags half way through dinner.

I am a guy that you describe and so there has to be one closer to you as I want to believe there are women like you closer to me (no luck so far). I know you have no problems attracting men but attracting the right man is the issue. Perhaps looking in a new place might help.

If you figure this out please let me know. I could use the help on this side of the country...

Lost

Even the unattractive men are getting two or three women a piece,

...this explains my success...

Statistically cheating is more common today than it was in years past. More people under the age of thirty cheat than any other time in our history.

I'd love to see a citation for that. And "any other time in our history" is a pretty sweeping statement...keep in mind, our history involves Roman sex cults and nomadic pre-civilization rutting.

In all seriousness, I think that age is the factor here, as opposed to society. What the OP is saying is that the system worked fine for her when she was younger, but not so much now that she's older. If you're going to take advantage of an imbalance at one point in your life, you have to accept that it's going to hurt you at another point.

This is really depressing to read. It makes me feel like I will NEVER find a decent guy at my age. Uggh! Is there any hope?

This is really depressing to read. It makes me feel like I will NEVER find a decent guy at my age. Uggh! Is there any hope?

You will. My mom remarried at 48. Her husband is 7 years older than her and was a widower.

We see what we want to see. When one studies the sexuality of prior eras, one discovers a broad range of socially acceptable behaviors. In one work I studied years ago, it cited the Victorian era as the most sexual, as citizens tried to find outlets to express their sexual selves that they were not allowed to express in the course of regular life. What is natural within us will express itself in equal force to the oppression perceived (think of rebellious teenagers and controlling parents).

In my own view and limited research, I would argue there is a major shift happening, brought about in the Western world by women's financial and social independence. A greater proportion of adults are coupling up for love, and not necessarily for survival or social position. Adults remain single until they find their match, and then stick with the match they find. This creates major changes in social behavior -- age/work/house are no longer predictors of marriage/kids/tame social behavior.

With respect the values exhibited in Miami, LA, NYC or Mayberry... Yes, a location will have its norms. People, though, are the same everywhere. In certain cities thinness is valued, or intellect is valued, etc, but that doesn't mean individuals need be skinny or smart to be of value to their peers, friends and colleagues. I have overweight friends in LA, for example, who are valued for their character, integrity, and personality... nobody cares that they aren't bone thin.

Wherever I go, I take my filter and my attitude with me. If I judge others, then I also will fail to see the humans underneath the money, the exercise regimen, the make up, whatever. Look for the humanity underneath, and the crap that we do to fit in/feel better or for whatever reason- that becomes irrelevant.

And yes, this relates directly to dating. Attitude and filter are everything.