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It doesn't feel right.


LolaMay4559

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Well, tonight I am breaking it off with the guy I've been seeing the last couple of months. I have tried to end it once before but I let myself get talked into giving him another chance. He is pushing to get more serious and for me to meet his family, so it has to be done. He is a great guy, but there is zero chemistry. I thought the more time we spent together, maybe things would change but they haven't. I tried to do everything right, we still haven't slept together, I just know from the kissing that we are totally on separate pages. I don't think he has much dating or relationship experience.

 

I don't look forward to spending time with him anymore. I have a great job that I started at the same time I started dating him, and I really see myself building a career at this company. I have had several jobs, and this is the first one where I just feel like I belong. He is always downing the job and the fact that I am currently commuting about 45 minutes to it. My plan all along has been to move to the city where the job is located. He doesn't want me to move and he doesn't plan on ever leaving our hometown.

 

We went to a concert with some of my childhood friends and he was rude to them for literally no reason. I was embarrassed by his behavior and called him out on it later. He made a big show of apologizing to them on facebook and then telling me I couldn't ever mention it again because he apologized and that fixed the situation. It didn't fix it for them, they can't stand him.

 

I just feel like we are so different. It's like he wants the cookie cutter girlfriend/housewife and for me to change everything about myself to suit his needs. I'm very independent and need time to myself some after work during the week. If I don't do something with him after work or text him all day while I'm at work, he starts blowing my phone up. We just don't click. Maybe I am being too picky, but I have felt chemistry before and clicked with people before, and it is the most amazing feeling in the world. I am not looking for a great storybook love affair, but I need sexual chemistry and passion in my life. If it's not there, I would just rather continue to focus on my career and hopefully find that feeling again.

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So just tell him you gave him a chance, but this relationship is not for you. No further explanations needed. He knows exactly why you don't want to be with him, but since he bullied/begged/pleaded or whatever he did last time expect more of the same this time. It worked once. Of course, allow for the possibility of tears or even threats to off himself and if so you still need to stand firm and tell him "No, it's over." Then block and delete him. The guy sounds like a manipulative jerk. You should've dumped him on the spot right there when he was rude to your friends.

 

And please, he didn't force you to give him a second chance. Own the fact that you gave him that second chance, and then own the fact that you don't want this relationship and will end it no matter what he says or does. Otherwise you're just continuing to allow yourself to be manipulated by someone who sounds emotionally abusive and who wants to control you, not be your boyfriend. And go ahead and move closer to your work. It's over and you know it, now end it. This guy has the earmarkings of an abusive personality--jealous, controlling, trying to cut you off from the things and people you love. There is zero reason to believe anything he says, because things did not get better now did they.

 

And if you think you'll waffle in person then send him an email citing all of the reasons above for why you are breaking up with him. And leave it at that. I'd normally say no to that, but when you've tried and you're not strong enough to end things on your own sometimes the best way to deal with a manipulator is by refusing to see them face-to-face. It's how they work best. Sorry, but given that you caved to his tactics last time you have to be prepared for the fact he'll do it again times ten. And you have to be prepared to break up with him and stick to your guns times twenty.

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