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Post here instead of texting ex


Bex3

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I got this idea from another thread that I now cannot find, so hopefully that person won't mind me creating my own. My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago and I asked him for no contact yesterday. I've been having the urge to text him all day so I'm gonna write here what I want to say and hope you guys do too:

 

 

Even though I ended things this is killing me. I don't know why my feelings for you changed and I would give anything to get back to the 2.5 years that I was head over heels in love with you. I miss how having your arms around me made everything ok and nothing was more painful than losing that feeling and praying and

Waiting for 6 months for it to come back, having to put on a brave face and act happy as you showered me with love as usual, totally unsuspecting. When I ended things I couldn't possibly explain the sense of loss and agony I feel, or the fact that my gut told me that I had to do this because I no longer saw a future with you. So I had to simplify it to "I fell out of love with you". But it's not that simple because the 3 years we spent together still ache like a phantom limb. I miss you but I know if we got back together there's a good chance id feel the same way I did before the breakup, and I couldn't bear to hurt you and myself all over again. I'm dying to text you but I know giving you hope would be cruel. The fact that you think no contact is easy for me is killing me. I'm really just praying it'll make things easier for you. I may not be IN love with you anymore and that surprises me more than anyone, but I still love you and care about you so much it hurts every minute.

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I wish you hadn't given up on our relationship.. I wish you wouldn't have sought attention and confidence from another girl instead of putting that energy towards us. I wish you had respected me and loved me the way I did you. I wish you could've even treated me as well as you would have a stranger. I wish you were really the man I once thought you were.

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U said that you'll always be there for me. You said that you would never give up on us and that i always have you no matter how hard the situation is. When we broke up, i begged u i pleaded to u.. u ignored me.. i went on nc for a week and u came back looking for me.. we stayed in contact.. u told me u still have feelings for me.. and that u miss me.. and u felt that it is positively possible for us to reunite as one again.. i waited.. i believed.. only to be disappointed all over again.

 

U told me u cant do this anymore. U dont want a gf and a relationship anymore.. u crushed my already broken spirit until nothing's left but ashes..

 

Yet i still want u back..

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I wish you hadn't given up on our relationship.. I wish you wouldn't have sought attention and confidence from another girl instead of putting that energy towards us. I wish you had respected me and loved me the way I did you. I wish you could've even treated me as well as you would have a stranger. I wish you were really the man I once thought you were.

 

This is what I want to say.

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i miss you i cant stop dreaming about you and am so tempted call you and tell you we can get back together but i cant risk hurting you again. i wish you knew how much i miss you but im pretending to be okay so you can move on.

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I wish you would text me but a part of me also doesnt want you to. If i never let go of what doesnt work, i will never have what does. I wish we could go back. We both made mistakes, too many. I feel like even when we move on, ill always wish we had tried harder. I have trouble believing ill ever love anyone as much as i did, do you. I never realised before i always thought about how much you hurt me but you telling me you dont want me anymore and ignoring me made me realise how much i hurt you over the years. I pushed you away because i was so scared of loosing you but i wont tell you because it doesnt matter now. I am sorry x

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Its 3.24am..

 

Im in such a mental mess.. i tried going to sleep early because i didnt want to think about you but it end up backfiring me when i had dreams about you..

 

In my dream.. u held firm with ur decisions.. u didnt want me back anymore.. then somehow it fast forwarded to where i had to go back to our old apartment to get my stuff. U agreed to be there.. and i felt so excited.. i even brought the teddy bear which u called our "daughter".. then i woke up horrified.. the dream didnt even finish..

 

Now im so afraid of going back to sleep.. u dont know how it feels.. how is it like to be in 'prison'.. imprisoned by the thoughts of you.. are u happy now?

 

U go out laughing.. u go to concerts.. u meet new people.. u post quotes about love.. and im here torturing myself speculating every word u meant.. each and every word of it..

 

If u have to leave, i wish that u would just leave.. cuz ur presence still lingers here and it wont leave me alone..

 

Pls just leave me alone already.. i cant take much more of this.. i really cant..

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We could have been so happy if you stood by your committments. Our talk of starting a family, having children, and having the spookiest Halloween's ever - every year! I hope you remember me as the one that got away, because I would have been your everything. Now, I have to do the difficult thing and be that person for someone else.

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I miss u so much...wish i can reverse the clock and we will still be happily together. I remembered u promised to be there for me and will nrv leave me but why did your attitude just flipped and you can be so cruel to me now?

It is so torturous...i wish my heart can stop beating....

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Every single day I find out something about you that should normally help me move on from you. For good. It's like Pandora's box. I should be repulsed by you. I still want you regardless of these infos. What I found should be enough to make any girl wash her hands of you.

 

Just when I think I'm about to be done with you and move on for real, something pulls me right back in. Although I know you need to grow up before you can actually envision dating someone like me, I can't help but think you're my soulmate. I believe it actually. We met for a reason and I can't/won't give up on you even you on the surface it may seem like I have.

 

You need to grow up. If only you could see what I see ... I don't understand why you keep on engaging in this self-sabotaging behavior. You deserve much better than what you think you're entitled to.

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When u asked me if I wanted to get married in May or August I should've said May, when I told u that u needed to move out I should've instead told u that I loved you and wanted to work things out. I'm sorry I let u down, I'm sorry I let someone else have a chance to come in the picture, if there was any possible way I could go back and do things over, I would. Simply put I miss you, I miss hearing your voice, hearing you complain about simple stuff, seeing you stress out over things that really are nothing to stress out about, hell I even miss our fights. I miss Ryan, him playing his video games and trying to show me how to play them, eating breakfast with him in the mornings, waiting w/ him to get him on the bus, some mornings taking him to get breakfast at Harts then taking him to school, picking him up from school, telling him he needs to be hot, sweaty and dirty. I miss y'all and I miss our family. Damnit I miss u

I've been doing some serious thinkin, I need to get to ky ASAP I need some time in the woods my head is all messed up and I need to clear it, best thing for me right now is to just go get some serious self reflection and get my head straight. I think back to when we first started not getting along, the mean things I said to her, when I should've told her that I loved her and wanted us to work things out, how I should've told her I really felt about what I wanted for our future but instead I put up all the walls and in March when I let them all down it was too late I had done lost her and now it's August and it's killin me a little more everyday, I try to put on a good face to cover my pain but it's always right there just under the surface and it jut comes busting out at the slightest thing could be a song, could be something on TV or on the net, but her memory is always close. I want to talk to her, to touch her, to feel her next to me again but I know that I never will. I miss my family.

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It's crazy how long we've known each other, and I can't believe you're finally leaving. I can't believe you'll be a country away. You were my first true love, and although I could never see us together again as we've changed too much over the years... I'll always cherish what we had and how wonderful you were to me.

 

It's better this way, nearly 10 years later. It's better.

 

I hope you find happiness, and find the joy you've been searching for.

 

Good bye, and safe flight.

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I can't believe the choice you've made. You choose someone else over me and that will hurt me for the rest of my life the way our relationship ended will always hurt . I miss seeing your face and holding you. I know we can never go back, your in a relationship with someone else . Why did you have to do this.

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I'm surprised at how this whole thing ended. Just a few weeks ago you were talking about seeing a future with me. Now you won't even talk to me after the rushed move. I pity your situation but you also hurt me a lot. The way you decided to go about this was abnormal and hurts worse than a normal break up. Everyday I wish things went differently and that you fought to save our relationship instead of letting your family destroy it. It just confuses me so much how we were best friends and now we don't even talk.

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Well I haven't cried today.. not like you cared anyways being that you are the constant reason for my tears and yet I still want to see the good in you. Truth is just because I want to see it in you doesn't mean you are good at least not good for me. I did everything for you and have sacrificed so much in order to keep you happy.. waiting for the day where the love I have showered you with will be returned. That day never came and time after time I let you back into my life only to be left broken hearted each time picking up the pieces you left while you go on and ignore me. I cried for God to take my pain away and he is as we speak.. every day it hurts less and less until one day soon it won't hurt at all. Thank you for the memories and I wish only success and happiness to you. One day in the future you will come accross another wonderful woman.. please be good to her and guard her heart with your life.. please don't make the same mistake twice because a good woman is a blessing.

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