Am I overrating, even though it seems like a FWB situation?

I have been dating a man (44) for apx. 4 months. He is very intelligent, however very sarcastic. Of course he was not like this the first times we talked and ended up sleeping together. His true colors started coming out and he told me not to fall in love with him as he wanted to keep it casual at the moment. I agreed that I wanted a friend as well as a lover. He broke it off about 2 months in for a couple months as I actually had a little too much to drink one evening and well I didn't end up giving him a nice evening of sex. I was embarrassed the next day and apoligized, but he left me hanging for a day and then said he was going to move on and that I was funny, smart, attractive, and we had a lot in common. This made no sense to me, but I told him ok and good luck. About 2 months later he messages me back and asked if I missed him. This is the type of sarcasm he has. He thinks he is great in his mind and wants total control of the situation. Me like a dummy messaged back and said "maybe". We started talking again and he said that he went out with a couple woman and even kissed them but there was no connection. I asked if he missed me and he said "maybe", being a smartass again. I start throwing digs back at him when he says things to me. I am not used to this type of personality. I am very mild mannered and easy going and kind, caring, etc. He shows really no emotion. I know I should tell this guy to take a hike, but there is some reason why I keep talking/meeting with him. Yes, the sex is good and he is very attentive when we are together, but it changes once we leave each other. I am really starting to see this is just a sexual relationship and not sure why I am still in it. We were talking on yahoo IM today and his messenger kept crashing and I was not getting some of him messages and vice versa. It bothered me that I was not sure if he was getting my messages as I couldn't tell if he was just ignoring me or he wasn't getting them. I told him that I would always answer back if he sent me something and if I didn't answer to txt me because I am not getting the messages. I don't know why he can't just say "ok, I will". Instead I get "I was not worried, you have a life too". I just said I didn't want him to think I was ignoring him if I wasn't getting his msgs. He said "got it!!". He mentioned getting together the evening before and I waited to hear from him today asking to meet. I got one message that said "are you alive, getting messages?" and then we discussed the not getting messages as I mentioned above. I waited and waited and he did not mention meeting, so I said "guess I am not seeing you today". He said "why not?" and I stated because he has not mentioned it to me and that I didn't want to ask him because I asked him a couple days previous. Basically, he just wanted to hookup for a few hours. I know I am confusing you all with this story probably, but my point is if he doesn't like a legitimate question that I ask like "will I see you today?" or "can you give me a rough estimate on a time to meet", he just won't answer. Then I will get a message the next day, etc. that says something sexual about how he wishes he was with me etc. I know its just sex to him but I think he could at least have the common respect for me as I do for him. I don't know why I don't tell him to fly a kite. I am pretty and not desperate by any means. He pulled me in hook line and sinker. Was telling me all I wanted to hear in the beginning, I slept with him and then he is Mr. Sarcasm and its all on my terms. I just don't know what is wrong with men like this. I need the courage to just tell this guy that he does not respect me, even though it seems like just a FWB situation, and end it. I should have made him wait when he came back and tried to talk to me again, but my nice self jumped right back in and was forgiving and really thought he missed me. Now I feel a bit stupid.

He doesn't have any respect for you....you are a booty call.

It isn't your "nice" self ---- it is your desperate self that cannot say no.

forget him. you should have walked as soon as he told you that he wasn't interested in anything more than casual.

I'm not sure what's your question..

I agree with what mhowe said. You already know what you need to do, so just do it.

I agree with what mhowe said as well. I'll also one up her and add that he's a d-bag player. He's playing you and you're letting him.

Don't be the sort of woman who accepts this treatment. Have more self respect!

"I am really starting to see this is just a sexual relationship and not sure why I am still in it. "

- Most likely because your emotions are now in it?

You DO have choices and you are choosing to follow a user. And an inconsiderate one at that.

Can YOU understand yourself, as to why you keep falling for this? YOu say you're not desperate. Then stop replying and admit enough.

How about finding a 'real man;, who does appreciate you as he should.

I also agree with mhowe. Even he can tell you are desperate. Time to walk away before you lose all self-respect.

You all are absolutely right, just needed to hear it I guess. Thank you all as I really do appreciate the feedback.

This man doesn't sound all that intelligent, and that is not sarcasm, it's just him being a jerk who couldn't care less about you as a person. He's a typical player who juggles a few women at the same time for sex, and has no respect for you what so ever.

He doesn't bother making plans in advance with you because he knows you're crazy about him and would jump in his bed at the drop of the hat, so he's just contacting you whenever the mood strikes, if you're available fine, if not, fine again, someone else probably is.

It's time you stood up for yourself and stopped letting the jerk get away with treating women like dirt. Or, at least treating *you* like dirt, because at 44 I doubt anyone can change him. Block, delete, no explanations needed. Every second you waste thinking about him and missing him is a second out of your life you'll never get back, and it's a second you are not using to meet someone who can actually give you what you want.

So you didn't give him sex an he dumped you???

What he means by not having a connection with these other women, doesn't make sense because he isn't after a connection. He is after sex. What he means is they didn't want to have sex with him so he turned to you!

I'm not sure why you are only just starting to see this as a sexual relationship, he made it perfectly clear that was all it was from the beginning.

Making him wait wouldn't have made a difference. He would have been off like a shot again if he didn't think he was getting sex … only to come back to try again at some other point.

You have two choices, you either let him continue to disrespect you and use you for sex or you gain some self-respect and stop responding to him. I wouldn't even give him the satisfaction of saying anything to him because his ego would just love that.

Yep, gotta agree with mhowe too …. this has absolutely nothing to do with you being nice.

You all are absolutely right, just needed to hear it I guess. Thank you all as I really do appreciate the feedback.

Malory, there's more to this than just hearing people tell you to leave him. You have to understand why you ended up in this position, so that you don't repeat it when you come up against another "player".

For example, what did he do to get you in bed without you spotting the red flags? Did he tell you he wanted a LTR, or agreed for the two of you to become "exclusive",....? Or were you swept up by his "persona", without taking the time to ask the questions you needed answered before moving to the next level?

He's 44, so what is his life's story? Has he been single all his life, or a parent,.... I can go on and on, but you understand what I'm getting at.

BTW - It's not about him not respecting you, it's about you not respecting yourself.

greta96, this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you your absolutely right.

a-little-blue, yes your right. I don't know how delusional I could have been to think that he liked me for a lil more when all he talks about is the sex. I am trying to figure out why I would put up with such treatment from a man and not tell him to pound sand. Maybe I do have low self esteem and not sure why. I was in a relationship with a police chief for a year and he treated me wonderful and even told me he loved me many times, etc. then one day he just disappeared and never gave me a reason etc. He was of the very jealous type and thought he knew better than me. I never got closure. Took me a while to get over that and then I met this guy on a dating website and we seemed to click right away and it might be due to the fact that we do the same kind of work. He really wanted me off the dating site because he didn't want me to meet anyone else and he said he was getting off as well. I see now that he has played me and I bet he is seeing others as well. Its just hard when someone knows your not the type of person who just goes looking for sex from men and treat you as though you are exactly that type of person. I just need to cut communication. I can't even say anything to him because he would come back and say I am wanting so much more out of the relationship. I have been just playing along with this sexual stuff. Since he has contacted me a few weeks ago again, I have never physically met him as of yet. Just been too busy. I don't even know why I wrote on here, I guess I just needed people to shake me and say "what the hell are you doing?". This guy is getting his cake and eat it too and when he wants it and I let it happen.

So you fell for a guy and made some bad choices. It happens. However, NOW is the time to make the right choice and gain back your self-respect by doing so.

Like you said there is no point in talking to him because he would just ignore you anyway, as he has before, or he will twist it so that you are the one left feeling as though you are in the wrong. You said that he often doesn't reply to you or keeps you waiting or just plain ignores you, so I would give him a taste of his own medicine and just cut all communication with him.