I feel like contacting my ex, I just can't move on? :(

We were together for a year I'm 30 he is 34.i broke up with him cos he broke into my house...but generally we had a good relationship.he came back after a month or so and we met up,then he met a woman who is 42 and basically he's gone off with her. It's been 6 weeks since I texted him that I knew he was lying etc.and no contact. I know he's still seeing her and I just can't believe it and I'm still hurting so bad. I thought we would be together. Lately I'm feeling like texting him something light to open up communication, because I still love him and want to get him back. Should I, or is it too late?i don't want to seem desperate, but I just can't move on.i feel like how can he just stop loving me,and did he ever really?

You shouldn't contact him. Why would you want to communicate with someone who A) broke into your house (!!!) and B) is dating someone else... ?

No good will come out of you reaching out to him. 6 weeks is not a long time to mourn the end of a relationship. Give it more time. Take each day as it comes, but do NOT text him. When you feel like contacting, call a friend, post here, go for a walk, etc. Right now you think that speaking to him will ease this pain and everything will work itself out if you just talk, but it won't. Communcating will only make you feel worse in the long run.

You broke up with him. He's with someone else. Respect him and yourself enough to leave him be.

What are you even trying to do with a guy who breaks into your house and runs off with 40 year old women? Seriously. No matter what your feelings for him, he is bad news and won't mutate into a decent guy. You need to recognize that love is about a lot more than just a feeling, and for a relationship to work both people have to want it, and he needs to be a good guy as well or you're just wasting your time and in for more pain. spend your time looking for a new guy who is normal and who wants your rather than wasting time and heart on this.

I know,you are both right.its just my heart and my head aren't in the same place.i just can't understand how he can leave me for someone like that. Iv got low self esteem,don't think much of myself,but she is not very attractive,has a family already and a rude personality. I thought we would have kids together maybe in the future.we talked about it.and he has thrown everything away and I'm left feeling hurt and confused. I just thought if I reached out to him he could see sense..I know how pathetic I sound.and the fact he had moved on in no time at all just kills me.

While I understand your feelings, please don't compare and contrast to this other woman. You broke up with him and he moved on. You can't say he threw everything away; you left him! (and for good reason). He is with someone who may or may not be making him happy, but you comparing yourself to her does you NO good. It doesn't matter what she looks like, her personality, etc... Plus, how do you even really know? Your opinion is biased and based off of your emotions. Leave him, and subsequently her, in the past with the broken relationship -- where it belongs!

Don't be hard on yourself or talk negatively inside your own head. It isn't pathetic of you to feel hurt or sad. Give yourself time to grieve and then move on. The relationship wasn't working, and it would not magically start to work if he gave it another shot and you tried again. Often times, relationships simply run their course and the inevitable end rears its ugly head.

Focus on fixing YOU right now. Read self-help books and get into some therapy if you have such low self-esteem that you want to take someone back that violated your privacy/boundaries by breaking into your home. You will not have a successful relationship with any worthy guy until you start loving yourself. Low self-esteem has no place in a healthy life. Focus on you, you, you..... Not your jerky ex and his new girlfriend.

Honey this is all about him and not about you. the second I heard he's the type to break into your house, I knew instantly this man is not worthwhile and you need to get over him. He's not going to make your dreams some true, and you can live those dreams with another man who is a far better and less shallow/criminal guy than he is!

You ended things for a reason … that hasn't changed.

What has changed, however, is that he has found someone new and it hurts. Now you feel like you have a whole lot more to get over.

There is no such thing as "can't move on". You can. You just have to be patient and stop putting blocks in your own way.

Im just finding it really hard. It's strange because initially after the breakup I thought I had done the right thing, and I was happier for a while. But when he took me out again and we talked, only to dump me a week later, it's just put me back to square one . He did other things in our relationship, like threw a glass off the wall, abusive texts, slashed my car tyre..when he broke in he basically kicked my door until it broke,as I hadn't answered texts and he was worried apparently know all this is wrong. But he was usually loving and we had lots in common. I guess I was a fool for thinking I meant anything, which has knocked my self esteem even more. I have since found out he cheated when we had been together a few months then too.he even denied his new gf, then have her my number and work address and she came in in an aggressive manner , because I had been asking about her. It seems they make a good pair . I just wish I could get my head around everything and stop hurting so much. Hopefully in time, I will.

Worried my a*rs. Who in their stable mind kicks in a door just because a text went unanswered? If we all did that, there would be no doors in this world left! He sounds like a dangerous and nasty man who came back into your life to get back at you for dumping him and because he wanted to gain control. Total ego stroke.

"Usually loving" doesn't cut the mustard when he can do all that other crappy stuff.

Trust your instincts. You were 100% right to end things with this loser! You are better than both him and his new gf.

You need to be very careful to separate out the person you hoped he would be (or thought he was) from the person he actually is. You need to really think about and accept that he was a liar, a cheater, violent, inconsistent etc. You can't wish that part of him away just because you loved some other part of him. So don't focus on your hopes and dreams for him, really focus on exactly who he was and what he was capable of which is scary and upsetting. You'll continue to miss him if you just keep creating this fantasy him in your mind that he is your perfect guy and it would end up with unicorns and rainbows if only he'd come back. He just isn't the man you thought he was, and as such you need to get the REAL him out of your thoughts and fantasies because who he is is someone with serious problems, a bad character, violent, and now with another woman.

So everything cycling thru your head now about him that makes you want him back is just a fantasy and not reality. Focus on reality and you'll be able to let go. Every time your mind drifts but to 'but i love him and he could be so sweet sometimes,' remind yourself he was a cheater and a liar and the good parts will never outweigh the bad in a cheater/liar/violent man, so any hopes for a different outcome with him are just a fantasy and not reality based. Reality is your friend when it comes to letting go and healing, so stop trying to live in fantasies about him and focus on why he's not right for you, and he clearly isn't!

Worried my a*rs. Who in their stable mind kicks in a door just because a text went unanswered? If we all did that, there would be no doors in this world left! He sounds like a dangerous and nasty man who came back into your life to get back at you for dumping him and because he wanted to gain control. Total ego stroke.

 

"Usually loving" doesn't cut the mustard when he can do all that other crappy stuff.

 

Trust your instincts. You were 100% right to end things with this loser! You are better than both him and his new gf.

you are both so right.i remember how I felt when he kicked the doors, and I was scared and unsettled. My gut told me then to get him away from me. And as quoted above, this really hit a nerve with me, because the only reason I could think of myself for his coming back only to dump me,was that he wanted to take the control back and hurt me for his own ego. I'm glad you have said it too, because I had trouble swallowing that that was actually the case. I guess I need to take the rose tinted glasses off. It's just awful that someone would do that. And all those loving things he used to say, he had already lied and cheated on me by then.i felt at the time there was something up but I tried to shut it out.i guess you are both right, and nobody who was truly a loving, sincere person could do the things he has done, or would be able to move on without a second thought. I have been reading about narcissism, and I do think he has a lot of narcissistic behaviour traits. I never deserved how he treated me. He would never listen to me when I had issues I wanted to talk to him about, I usually turned a blind eye to the things he did and said, because I knew I couldn't talk anything through with him. I'm just having a hard time accepting that he actually was not the sincere honest man he tried to make out to be. But I will have to accept it, it's the only way I can move on. It's just I'm a genuine sensitive girl and I have a hard time accepting not everyone is alike, feels like I always get hurt in every relationship I have, it kind of puts me off for the future.but got to keep my head up!

You've given me a bit of clarity.

I really hope you can start moving on now. You will be so much better off in the long run if you start looking forwards instead of looking backwards.

I will try to, I won't be contacting him I guess itl just make things worse. Even if we did get back together things will just be the same, I will never trust him now. Thank you for taking the time to answer xx

No problem. Moving on is hard and it will take a lot of effort and hard work but it can be done and it does get easier. Good luck. xx

It's hard to let go of a person you have so many good memories with even though they did you wrong. But let me tell you, you only miss him because of those good memories. The sad truth is, life is ever-changing. Those who resist change will only end up hurt and disappointed. IMO do not hold onto those memories because those memories are only that, memories. What you need to do is stop holding onto old memories and start going out there and make better ones to replace the old ones.