No Contact?

Hey everyone. I stopped all contact with my ex girlfriend, and I thought for everyone else who is joining me, we could use this thread to vent or discuss what we think about it! So if you feel like joining in you're more than welcome to.

It's already very difficult. It is similar to a drug like they say to stop contacting. I think it's very important though. I want time to better myself for her, and I know that won't happen unless I am away.

I just recently started no contact, and it was rough for the first few days. I unfriended her on fb and everything like that. I didn't block her because we ended on good terms. If things had gone south between us, I would have blocked. But out of nowhere after I unfriended her, she started sending me pictures on snapchat. Nothing bad, just random little things. So I unfriended her on that. Since then I have been thinking about her less and less every day, but every time I do I get very emotional. I constantly wonder what she is doing, how she is feeling. I start blaming myself for everything that went down, and I just become a wreck. Then I play a few hours of online games, go hit a punching bag for a little bit, then pass out and the next morning I'm good.

Let me tell you this, its going to be hard, real hard, incredibly hard... BUT its something that MUST be done in order to be able to do ANYTHING really, move on or reconciliation, you need to go through months of NC to be able to do either of them.

I am too on NC and it gets really tough at night, usually at the time we used to talk for hours... but I'm staying strong, I want and need this for myself.

You need to do it for yourself too.

Best of luck guys!

I just recently started no contact, and it was rough for the first few days. I unfriended her on fb and everything like that. I didn't block her because we ended on good terms. If things had gone south between us, I would have blocked. But out of nowhere after I unfriended her, she started sending me pictures on snapchat. Nothing bad, just random little things. So I unfriended her on that. Since then I have been thinking about her less and less every day, but every time I do I get very emotional. I constantly wonder what she is doing, how she is feeling. I start blaming myself for everything that went down, and I just become a wreck. Then I play a few hours of online games, go hit a punching bag for a little bit, then pass out and the next morning I'm good.

 

Glad to hear that you're coping, man. Whatever works. That's interesting how you say that you start blaming yourself. I do the exact same thing. I think that's what "wrecks me the most". It's the worst thing you can do because it really makes you question what you could have done more in the relationship.

 

Let me tell you this, its going to be hard, real hard, incredibly hard... BUT its something that MUST be done in order to be able to do ANYTHING really, move on or reconciliation, you need to go through months of NC to be able to do either of them.

 

I am too on NC and it gets really tough at night, usually at the time we used to talk for hours... but I'm staying strong, I want and need this for myself.

 

You need to do it for yourself too.

 

Best of luck guys!

 

It is really hard, man. Took me a month, month and a half to do it even though she is seeing a rebound guy. I'm realizing all that now though! So better late than never.

 

The nights certainly are the worst. I hope she is feeling that too. I'm sure she is to some extent!

I was just thinking about how most things say not to beg or plead for your ex back. I don't like that rule... I know technically it speaking it might be the best, but still... If a person is able to be broken up with and go cold on your ex without trying to reconcile anyway possible, I have to question how much love there is in that relationship. Either that, or that person has the patience of a damn saint. I tried everything I could for a month to get my girlfriend back, and sure, it might have not been the best idea, but at least I know I put it all out there. You just need to know the point to stop.

I was just thinking about how most things say not to beg or plead for your ex back. I don't like that rule... I know technically it speaking it might be the best, but still... If a person is able to be broken up with and go cold on your ex without trying to reconcile anyway possible, I have to question how much love there is in that relationship. Either that, or that person has the patience of a damn saint. I tried everything I could for a month to get my girlfriend back, and sure, it might have not been the best idea, but at least I know I put it all out there. You just need to know the point to stop.

Its all about reverse psychology, thats why they recommend not to beg or plead, even if you love your ex partner to death.

Its all about reverse psychology, thats why they recommend not to beg or plead, even if you love your ex partner to death.

Disagree. Relationships fail over mundane, day-in, day-out patterns. The grand gesture at the end doesn't address the issues and affirms for the dumper that the dumpee just doesn't get it.

Disagree. Relationships fail over mundane, day-in, day-out patterns. The grand gesture at the end doesn't address the issues and affirms for the dumper that the dumpee just doesn't get it.

Uhhh... I think you misunderstood here, we're talking about No contact right after a break up.

I've been in no contact for just over a week and it sucks. All I think about is her with someone else. Probably parading around in front of him in underwear I bought her. Ugh! I get so damn mad about it. She wanted to break up though. Screw her anyway. I'll find someone a million times better

Uhhh... I think you misunderstood here, we're talking about No contact right after a break up.

Ya, got it. No contact, in my mind, is not about reverse psychology. It's about moving on.

And Nate's post about fighting to keep a relationship at the end - the reason we don't beg at the end isn't because we don't care and it isn't because we are trying to make the dumper miss us... It's because it didn't work for the dumper and we respect their experience is true for them. Time for dumpee to roll out.

Its all about reverse psychology, thats why they recommend not to beg or plead, even if you love your ex partner to death.

No I get it! I'm actually going for my doctorate in psychology ! I just don't know if I agree with how strict proponents expect dumpees to adhere to the rule.

Disagree. Relationships fail over mundane, day-in, day-out patterns. The grand gesture at the end doesn't address the issues and affirms for the dumper that the dumpee just doesn't get it.

I'm not sure. It seems to me like this is just a difference in opinion however. You're probably right, but I'm more of a romantic when it comes to these situations. To me love can conquer all. The grand gesture is the ultimate feat of love. Naive... yes I know lol. I'm sure some girls would appreciate it in the same way I do though, don't you? Just depends on the two people involved.

I've been in no contact for just over a week and it sucks. All I think about is her with someone else. Probably parading around in front of him in underwear I bought her. Ugh! I get so damn mad about it. She wanted to break up though. Screw her anyway. I'll find someone a million times better

Yes sir!!! Screw her. You will. More power to you. I envy you're determination to move on. It will get easier, I know it. Just fight through.

Ya, got it. No contact, in my mind, is not about reverse psychology. It's about moving on.

 

And Nate's post about fighting to keep a relationship at the end - the reason we don't beg at the end isn't because we don't care and it isn't because we are trying to make the dumper miss us... It's because it didn't work for the dumper and we respect their experience is true for them. Time for dumpee to roll out.

I shouldn't have been so vague with my post! I apologize! I don't mean to say you or anyone else who has been able to not beg doesn't care about their girlfriend, I just think most wouldn't. If you do love her, then you have the willpower of a saint, and I am very envious of that. I think it's simply a difference in beliefs/opinions again. I believe in "the one". I respect her experience is true for them, but I think that ultimately she would be happiest with me and me with her. That's why I fight

I did have that belief of fighting for "The One"...

During the break up my ex literally told me that I had a chance in winning her back, thats when I said to myself I GOTTA fight for her! I gotta go in full force! I gotta show ALL the love I have for her.

Didn't work, only made it worse... last few times I asked for a second chance a few months ago she straight up told me NO. ITS OVER. Delete my number and my parents number and don't ever call me again. After telling me this I told her that I still loved her, her response? "Don't do that... I don't..."

Now you wanna end up like me? I don't think so...

I did have that belief of fighting for "The One"...

 

During the break up my ex literally told me that I had a chance in winning her back, thats when I said to myself I GOTTA fight for her! I gotta go in full force! I gotta show ALL the love I have for her.

 

Didn't work, only made it worse... last few times I asked for a second chance a few months ago she straight up told me NO. ITS OVER. Delete my number and my parents number and don't ever call me again. After telling me this I told her that I still loved her, her response? "Don't do that... I don't..."

 

Now you wanna end up like me? I don't think so...

Dang. I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you doing better now? How long have you cut off contact with her? That's almost cruel...She told you had a chance...How could someone do that.

Break up was in March, I've only been NC for 5 days now. Why so little, because like I said... I always thought that my story was different from everyone in this forum and that I had to show her my love, that she was my true love.

She just started ignoring my texts, thats all it took for me to go NC. I won't ever initiate contact with her, I just can't, every time I do I get burnt.

All I have left to do is heal.

Break up was in March, I've only been NC for 5 days now. Why so little, because like I said... I always thought that my story was different from everyone in this forum and that I had to show her my love, that she was my true love.

 

She just started ignoring my texts, thats all it took for me to go NC. I won't ever initiate contact with her, I just can't, every time I do I get burnt.

 

All I have left to do is heal.

Well keep it up. 5 days is a great start. Come to post to us in the thread if you feel like you're going to break. Four or so months is way too long to put yourself out there. I did for a month and a half I can't take it myself anymore.

Thanks for sharing. It's hard to not view your situation as different than others. After all, you do know your own situation and its uniqueness unlike any others. It's only natural. I hope everyone who reads this realizes that.

You'll heal. Just take the time you need, and think about all the bad things this girl has done to you.

Well keep it up. 5 days is a great start. Come to post to us in the thread if you feel like you're going to break. Four or so months is way too long to put yourself out there. I did for a month and a half I can't take it myself anymore.

 

Thanks for sharing. It's hard to not view your situation as different than others. After all, you do know your own situation and its uniqueness unlike any others. It's only natural. I hope everyone who reads this realizes that.

 

You'll heal. Just take the time you need, and think about all the bad things this girl has done to you.

Oh no, I had stopped begging and professing my love to her months ago, I only did it for a month or so... the rest of the time I was more trying to keep a connection with her, try to win her back by keeping in touch, that doesn't work either, it'll only annoy her more.

Oh no, I had stopped begging and professing my love to her months ago, I only did it for a month or so... the rest of the time I was more trying to keep a connection with her, try to win her back by keeping in touch, that doesn't work either, it'll only annoy her more.

Oh. Well I'll take it from you that that isn't a good idea. I tried to reason with her for about a month to no avail. 2 weeks later (now) I have stopped all contact. The connection never seems to work. Seems like a bunch of "friend zone" crap, which always fails but never fails to hurt you.

Nate, I get that you enjoy your belief in "the one", but for whatever silly reason, I want to challenge you to consider a different paradigm.

Using the word "love" broadly: Think of love as an unlimited life force. The more we love, the more love we find. The trick is, what is the right distance from which we can love someone?

When our goal is to have a LTR with someone, all we need is love. When we envision building a life together, love is just the starting point of what we need.

Think of marriage as a partnership, with love in it, as well as teamwork, goal-setting, interdependence. Some of those elements are skills, others are affected by one's world view. When we choose someone for life, we are choosing love, yes, as well as a set of values, perspectives and skills that mesh well with our own, so that we can rely on each other to work towards a set of mutually acceptable goals.

When I have ended relationships that my SO continued to fight for, I have received an ego boost, sure. My reasons for ending the relationship remained. I put a lot of thought into ending something. If my soon-to-be-ex offers a flourish to show me his level of commitment, it may be sweet, or tragic. It also tells me he doesn't understand why I ended it, which never once was because I doubted his affection for me. I end it because I have decided we are incompatible in some way that strikes at the foundation of who we are. A valiant effort at the end to save it won't change that.

4 days in from stopping contact, break up was 10 days ago. Haven't removed off FB yet but iv been limiting logging in.

This is so hard, especially being dumped and also not hearing anything. My worry is that IF I do get a text, or a mail, and because I am doing no contact and don't reply, will he not see I don't want to speak to him and give up? I can't see him trying to contact me more than once, he's a busy / happy / stubborn guy!

I'm assuming you're a female? You sound just like my ex who broke it off with me last month. She first broke it off with me 2 months ago, we tried again, then she did it again last month. I spent about a week trying to convince her that she's not seeing things clearly, I was seeing some light as I was truly able to validate where she was coming from, but I just couldn't accept the loss. We had such a wonderful and healthy relationship for a little under 2 years, but I became somewhat complacent in which she felt she was giving 90% to me and me only giving 10%. Of course I love her tremendously and see a future between us, we both have the same family values, we both have kids, my son going in 3rd grade and she has 2 teenage boys, we met each other's families etc etc etc. All was so good, but she's also going through a tremendous amount of loss. She's still separated, no chance at reconciliation by any means, so she's losing her husband, selling her home, older son is going off to college, younger son was away for a few weeks this summer, her mother has Alzheimer's, her boss/mentor of 10 years just got fired so she has a new boss to report to, her son's close friend didn't wakeup in his sleep one morning due to probably aneurysm, etc etc etc. I just had to start NC last week, been 8 days now, I took her off my phone, blocked her on facebook, I had to do this because I saw her on the dating sites as I too went on, I was sick to my stomach seeing her on the site where we met and formed such a wonderful relationship from, she answered various sex questions to the public for the men to see, promotes her love for alcohol and the profile was very good. It's just so hard and she broke it off with me just from what you said. Please tell me if and how I can get her back. I miss her terribly, I'm taking control of my life, I'm working and doing well at my job, just found new apartment, she knew I was looking but doesn't know I found one yet and so fourth. The problem I'm facing is that I realistically do see a wonderful fulfilling future for the two of us, but with all she's going through, I'm afraid it tainted her ways of looking at things, not to say I didn't play my role to bring of this decision because I certainly did due to being so self centered, but I'm aware of this and am working on myself and the fact of the matter is that I do care so much about her and love her tremendously. What do you suggest I do so we can continue our relationship? All I want to do is love her and take care of her, even more so now given her personal challenges. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I've been searching and searching on what the best thing for me to do is and so far it's been no contact since last Sunday night and I ended saying by text after seeing her online dating profile "This isn't healthy for me, I'm en appalled and I'm done. It's time I take control and move on, I'm too good for this "

Oh and I see you're a female which I assumed plus you're a similar age to my ex, she's 2 years younger and I'm 6 years younger than her.

How can you guys be so strong? I went no contact for about 10 day after he broke it off. Then we contacted each other on the same day (he texted me; I sent him something in the mail). Breaking up was his idea, so I asked him why he's talking to me. He said he thought about me and wanted to know how I was. Since then, we've been calling each other every couple of days just to talk about random stuff. It's so nice to be able to talk to him again, so easy. The breakup was super hard on me because he was my first serious boyfriend. I thought I was getting over it, but now talking to him again just brought back all the pain. I haven't been sleeping well and feel like crying all the time. I kind of wish he would say that he hated me and never wanted to hear from me again. I'm not strong enough to do it on my own...

How can we be so strong? The pain is unbearable at different times of the day, I'm grieving the loss of a loved one, a woman who I love so much. I don't know how she's doing because we haven't been in contact for 8 days, but prior she was like me, maybe not as severe because she broke it off with me, but I think her pain was seeing me in such pain, she never ever wanted to hurt me and was always so compassionate about my own personal past life experiences in which I lost a fair amount and grieved.

How can we be so strong? The pain is unbearable at different times of the day, I'm grieving the loss of a loved one, a woman who I love so much. I don't know how she's doing because we haven't been in contact for 8 days, but prior she was like me, maybe not as severe because she broke it off with me, but I think her pain was seeing me in such pain, she never ever wanted to hurt me and was always so compassionate about my own personal past life experiences in which I lost a fair amount and grieved.

I need to confess that I blew n o contact last weekend as hard as I tried to say no to a hotel, he just started kissing me and I could not resist. I have no will power when it comes to him. The good thing is that he is not in a rebound anymore. However I have started the no contact again this week....its hard though we are business partners. At least I am not crying and longing for him now. I just need to be strong.

I am sorry for your loss.

1. Wanting to take care of her is valiant, or maybe its evidence of "white knight syndrome". Her challenges are ones only she can climb.

2. You are working on yourself, which is an evolving process when done properly, at a deep level.

3. Based on #1 & #2, each of you needs time to transition through a new phase of maturation. Use this time.

4. If you still want her back years from now, you may pursue. Not now.

I too went through significant challenges, some same as hers. Several years later, I am happier and healthier than ever, and my appropriate mate is a completely different man than several years ago. It is time to embrace change, trust in the process, and let your own future unfold for you.